Husband treats me like a child Re: food

[rp1980 116]

My husband is very supportive of the surgery and has definitely been there for me. But one thing he does that drives me crazy is to question/judge my food choices. I didn't have a Protein Shake for Breakfast and he immediately said I shouldn't eat my breakfast of fruit and cottage cheese. I explained to him that I'm two months out and I don't have to drink a shake, I just do for the convenience. When I went to heat up my lunch, he suspiciously asked me what I was cooking. It was grilled chicken, but we do have leftover fried chicken in the fridge and I know that's what he thought I was going for. Granted, there have been maybe three times I've eaten something I "shouldn't" have over the past two months (really just the past three weeks) - a bite of bacon, a bite of a cupcake, a small piece of fried fish I picked most of the breading off of. But overall I've been very good about sticking to the plan and I've lost nearly 60 pounds. I understand his intentions are good, but I don't want to feel like he's monitoring everything I'm eating. Plus, he's the one bringing chips, sweets, and fried food into the house and I've been great about resisting temptation. I understand that I haven't made good choices in the past, otherwise I wouldnt need the surgery! But I wish he'd trust my judgement. Thanks for letting me vent!

[SuperDave 1,115]

Hang in there! Two months post-op and down nearly 60 pounds is AMAZING! Just do what you have to do and keep up the great work!

[Maggietcu2 55]

You are doing wonderfully and he's being unrealistic. You are completely capable of doing this on your own and I'm sure you'd ask for help if you needed it. He truly needs to focus more on his bad habits. Not only should he not be eating the crap he brings home, he should have a heart and not bring it in the house as some sort of temptation. Sounds like to me your newly learned habits are far better than his own.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Back in my previous life, I was on one of my many diets. I put dinner on the table along with some green Beans, and my mean ol' rotten ex husband yelled at me, "You ruin every meal with those damn vegetables!" Geeze, no wonder I left. (Well, that and mistaking me for a punching bag)

Hopefully you and your hubbyman can work this out, but you are going to have to be big girl and speak up for what you want. Bariatric surgery exposes the raw dynamics of a relationship. Is controlling, or just concerned about your success and is genuinely trying to help in his own clumsy way?

[TammyDTM 391]

You may need to have a conversation with hubby about his "concern."

[Babbs 14,680]

Talk to him. Tell him while you understand his concern, you got this. That should be the end of it.

[caligul 102]

He probably just wants to really be supportive...and keep you on track..but just doesn't know how to be supportive. Have you considered taking him with you to a support group meeting?

[LisaPunkinHead 187]

Maybe go over the postop written nutritional materials with him. My husband went with me to my pre-op classes so he understood the nutritional requirements and what to eat and what not to eat. So instead of being defensive and saying you can do it on your own (which to him will say "I don't need you"), maybe calmly go over it with him and let him know that cottage cheese has a lot of Protein and it is okay on your plan at the stage of your diet. Something like that. He's trying to help.

[liannatx 897]

He loves you, he wants you to succeed. It would be different if he was bringing home donuts and chocolate daily.

Men are horrible on making their motives clear. I suspect he just wants to be supportive, and doesn't know how. Right after I had surgery my DH brought home a 3 lb tub of Protein powder.... and was peacock proud. I had to educate him that 28 g sugar in one serving wasn't the kind I needed. I love the man even more since he uses that to make himself a Protein Drink every morning... LOL.

And yes, he says "can you have that, can you eat this". He is trying to learn this new stuff too!!!

[Mandyctr 75]

I agree he probably thinks he's helping and wants to be there for you. Men are doers and fixers. I bet if you were honest with how it makes you feel without being insulting and then told him specifically something you could use from him (let's take a 30 minute walk after dinner for example) I may help. That way he can feel like he's contributing and involved and supportive without stepping on your toes.