female only Mirror, Mirror...

[Dabliss111114 180]

Boy am I glad to see this discussion.

The only time in my life that I didn't see myself as being "fat" was when I was in my early 20's. I wasn't fat for sure at 117 pounds, but I still had some self confidence and self esteem issues.

While married to my first husband everything I ever thought was "wrong" with me he fueled by making me feel inferior in some way. After pregnancies, miscarriages, a lot of emotional abuse and so forth I DID become fat. Really fat.....

Right before my divorce I lost a lot of weight and got down to 145 pounds. The heaviest I had been until that point was 224, after the birth of my second son, but had gained and lost bits and pieces through the years. Needless to say I gained every ounce back plus more as the years went on bringing me to where I was when I started this journey.

I hated the mirror, and avoided being in pictures at all cost. I didn't want to see the grotesque woman I had become.

Even now I struggle with the changes others say they see because I don't feel I'm worthy of their compliments or praise. Even my current husband who has loved and supported me every day since we met gets upset because I can't see what he sees.

The only picture I've willingly had taken was the one they took at my surgeons office 2 weeks before my surgery. I HAVE NOT taken any photos of myself because I just can't bring myself to do it. I do see a difference in my clothes and in the mirror, but in my eyes I still see that huge, unattractive woman.

Don't get me wrong I do see some change, but until I can walk into a room and not feel self conscious about being the largest woman in the room I'll probably continue to judge myself. I'm halfway through my journey and look forward to the rest of it unfolding. I know I'm healthier and that means more to me than anything, but I also look forward to the day when I CAN look into the mirror, or see myself in a picture and not cringe at the woman I see.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Dabliss111114

I am right there with you! I, too, haven't taken any photos, even prior to the surgery, for YEARS! Just can't do it. I have never, even in my thinner days, been a photo person. Selfies? Not on your life! This all goes way back to childhood, parental approval, spousal approval, SELF approval.... but it doesn't change. At this stage in my life, I doubt it ever will, and I'm ok with that part. I LIKE me. I am a good person. I try to do the best with what I have been blessed with. And I can forgive myself.

But that bloody mirror....what to do with it? How about LIVE with it? Accept my flaws, accept that I am human. Accept that I am getting old. Accept that I am SLIM! Take THAT, mirror!!!!!!!

You write to me, Dabliss, whenever you want....we connect!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Do you know what our minds believe?

Our minds believe what we tell ourselves.

But with all that negative self-talk you guys are doing you are abusing yourselves. Every time you doubt or criticize yourself you're doing damage.

So stop it right now. Don't do that to yourself. You wouldn't allow anyone else to treat you that badly.

Instead, tell yourself what you wish someone would tell you: Tell yourself:

You're beautiful.

You're powerful.

You're smart.

You're confident.

You're in charge of your life.

You're disciplined.

You have a great sense of style.

You are a good person who is a positive role model for other people.

Etc.

Inside, you are all of those things. And you know that eventually you're going to shine in those ways. So now, not later, give yourself the permission you need to do and be all those things right now.

Poof!!!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Do you know what our minds believe?

Our minds believe what we tell ourselves.

But with all that negative self-talk you guys are doing you are abusing yourselves. Every time you doubt or criticize yourself you're doing damage.

So stop it right now. Don't do that to yourself. You wouldn't allow anyone else to treat you that badly.

Instead, tell yourself what you wish someone would tell you: Tell yourself:

You're beautiful.

You're powerful.

You're smart.

You're confident.

You're in charge of your life.

You're disciplined.

You have a great sense of style.

You are a good person who is a positive role model for other people.

Etc.

Inside, you are all of those things. And you know that eventually you're going to shine in those ways. So now, not later, give yourself the permission you need to do and be all those things right now.

Poof!!!

Brava!!

I'll add this. I heard it in a motivational podcast. "I started to recover when I stopped listening to myself and started talking to myself."

[Dabliss111114 180]

Do you know what our minds believe?

Our minds believe what we tell ourselves.

But with all that negative self-talk you guys are doing you are abusing yourselves. Every time you doubt or criticize yourself you're doing damage.

So stop it right now. Don't do that to yourself. You wouldn't allow anyone else to treat you that badly.

Instead, tell yourself what you wish someone would tell you: Tell yourself:

You're beautiful.

You're powerful.

You're smart.

You're confident.

You're in charge of your life.

You're disciplined.

You have a great sense of style.

You are a good person who is a positive role model for other people.

Etc.

Inside, you are all of those things. And you know that eventually you're going to shine in those ways. So now, not later, give yourself the permission you need to do and be all those things right now.

Poof!!!

Thank you for your insight and wisdom. People like you help me understand do much about myself.

I hear you loud and clear, and if it's ok with you I'm going to copy and print a sign with all your statements on it to hang in my bathroom.....right next to the mirror.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

This is a long road, traveled for a long time. And I believe time heals all wounds. My mother told me this when I was very young, and I, at that time, could not understand that. But it IS true. There are many wounds to heal, physical AND emotional, from like what some of you have said, self-abuse. It, too, is true.

The fact that I am LOOKING in the mirror is a small miracle. Ugly has many faces, but I think beauty has more. Looking past the physical and emotional scars is challenging, at best, but not impossible. I have great support at home, but it ultimately comes down to just ME. I am reading your words, and taking them to heart, but it WILL take time, just as it has taken much time to get to this point.

Again, I thank you all for your support.....

[Swampdoggie 477]

I was going to say what@@VSGAnn2014 said but she was more eloquent than me. Also wanted to say that I've had the reverse problem in that I never saw myself as being as big as I'd become. Photos told a different story.

I'm not sure what i'll think I look like in time, but one thing I can say for sure is I feel much healthier and that certainly feels good. Somehow I feel smarter too but that may be as much illusion as the mirrors.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Swampdoggie

I was that way, years ago, before all the surgeries and weight gain got the better of me. Then it kind of flip-flopped, and here I am. Not looking. Not liking what I see. But we are working on changing this (who is WE? Me, myself, and I...we're in it together, for better or worse!). Up and down the stairs I go again!

[Dabliss111114 180]

@@CanyonBaby You have summed it up so beautifully. Be proud of the woman you're becoming. I know I'm trying to be proud of the woman I'm becoming, and one day in the not too far off future I think the mirror just may turn out to be a friend......one who reminds us of our journey and nods its approval back to us when we look into it.

[chunkyloverlovesyou 197]

I feel the same way, I weighed the same as my skinniest weight ever, but all I see is fat. It occurred to me though that I had much nicer hair back in the day,it was a bluish black...maybe all you need is a spunky new haircut/hair color...

[BethinPA 305]

I am not a big picture taker, but for the first year after my surgery, I took a picture of myself on the first of each month. I needed to have a way of looking back, and of acknowledging my progress. It was really helpful to me to do that!

[Smye 695]

Weekly photographs, lined up left to right helped me a TON! In a mirror I still look my full 415 to me, but in the photos the 323 is apparent.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

What I think many find is that the "emotional" part of all this is pretty powerful.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@CowgirlJane

And how any of us even thought about this part of it when we started this journey? Threw me for a loop, that's for sure. Totally unexpected. Some parts of my body are "normal" sized, now, but others (that are holding onto the fat for dear life!) keep me thinking that the whole process was a waste. Which I KNOW is not true, but is deviously sneaks it's way in there, and throws you off for the moment. Anyone relate to that?

[samuelsmom 670]

What has helped me my entire life has been a few sayings from my mother, a short and round Sicilian lady who commonly wore a house dress, ankle socks, and Reeboks...

Her 2 sayings were: "No one is going to ruin my beautiful life!' and "When I get up in the morning and look in the mirror I see a beautiful child of God."

She has been gone nearly 12 years now and while a miss her terribly, she truly had a beautiful life. I am so grateful that I got to be her daughter.

So please feel free to adopt these sayings, I have been using them for years!