I'm honest, but should I lie? Did you?

[MoMo12onTheGo 66]

Hi everyone. I'm new and have oodles of questions, but this one is at the top of my list.

Previously, I lost 80 pounds (have now gained 50 back) and I did it the long and hard way with a trainer and a food journal. At the same time, my previous neighbor got Gastric Bypass and all I could think was that if I had let myself go so far that I considered going under the knife, it was time for some major changes to get myself under control. 8 years later, she had a 2nd surgery getting a lapband put in and is very thin and I am back to sleep apnea and obesity. sigh... I just don't know if I want to tell everyone I know what I am doing. The weight loss will be so rapid it will surely be obvious and I'm not the dishonest type, but there is a weird stigma about surgery being the easy way. Anyone I've even discussed this with has the collective mind of, "Yeah, then you don't even have to do anything." We all know that isn't true and this is a major life change and NOT and easy decision.

Any advice is appreciated.. anyone?

[hanna91 33]

I think that you are probably going to meet people who think it was the easy way out. Those people are not educated in the lifestyle changes that weight loss surgery requires. I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think though. This is your time to shine and get your weight under control. Who cares what those other people think? I think it is a personal choice on who you tell. I've only told family ( im preop) and plan to keep it that way until after the surgery. After the surgery i think I will feel comfortable telling friends and coworkers. It is your choice and whatever you choose is okay. If you want to tell people your rapid weight loss is you kicking butt in the gym and dieting go right on ahead. You make a choice that makes you comfortable. You are not required to explain your life to others. Especially if those others care more about judging your choice then cheering you on.

[sweetie716 270]

I told my family and my husband's family. Mom/dad, my sisters, his aunt and grandma on his mom's side, but not aunts/uncles or other grandparents. I live out of state so it may be different if we lived near everyone. At work I haven't told anybody who has not asked me directly if I've had surgery (I was rather shocked by one of the people that asked me, because I would not consider her close at all). I don't feel like I'm lying, its just not something I feel I need to talk about with people who are outside my circle. It may be obvious to people, and I'll tell them what I'm doing (eating better/more Protein, and exercising every day), but I don't volunteer information about my procedure unless directly asked. I hope that you find your happy medium

Edited to add: I was SUPER nervous about people noticing at work because I didn't want people to look at me/my body in a "comparison" sort of way to my old self, and I REALLY didn't want people to be looking at my food portions/choices. I've dieted and regained a million times, so I just wanted it to be my private little journey. However, people do notice the changes in me and I get lots of compliments, but I feel a little better about it than I thought I would. I am still nervous though since I have a long way to go and then there is the whole maintenance phase, too.

Edited March 3, 2015 by sweetie716

[joatsaint 2,814]

I didn't want to tell anyone, only because I was afraid they'd see me fail at another attempt to lose weight. So I only told the 3 people that had to know... my best friend, my mom and dad. Anyone that noticed my weight loss and asked about it, I would tell them the truth; I had drastically cut back on my eating and was walking more. I just left it at that. After I lost the weight, it no longer mattered to me if anyone knew.

Edited March 3, 2015 by joatsaint

[scr161990 10]

I say don't tell anyone. I did not tell anyone but my mom, stepdad and boyfriend. My father is totally against it, he lost over 150lbs with eating right and exercising and he thinks everyone and anyone can do it. I've struggled with obesity since I was 5, and I even had lap and surgery in 2011 with no success! I lost 26lbs and $10k!!!!! My bmi wasn't high enough at the time so my insurance did not approve the surgery. 4 years later, I'm 130lbs heavier than I was and I've decided to go with the gastric sleeve self-pay. I believe people's negative comments in 2011 had a huge impact in my recovery. Everyone said I was making a mistake and taking the easy way out... Well, this time I'm doing it the smart way, by not telling anyone, not even my best friend - she wasn't very supportive in 2011 and she saw me almost die, im sure she still has the same mindset and will not be happy with my decision now.

[Elode 8,093]

My only advice would be, don't worry about what anyone else might think. Who gives a rip?! You do what's best for you, your life,and health.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I think it's funny to watch people go all existential about their absolute or relative degrees of honesty or dishonesty.

Nobody cares.

Do what you want.

[Stevehud 1,790]

This is a touchy subject. Ill say this, do what you feel, not what anyone else says.

Personally ive told everyone because I am proud of it, I want people to know what it is we go through, and I use the praise i get from family and friends to keep me motivated.

Good luck to you!

You Can Do This!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

You don't owe anyone an explanation - do what is comfortable for you. Who cares what they think? And here is the thing, most people are very self centered... they may talk or whatever while you are losing weight fast, but don't add to the drama and they will forget. I have been at goal 2 years, and lots of people seem to scarcely remember i was so obese. I showed my own sons my "before pictures" and they both told me that they don't remember I was that big. They were shocked and sad to see those photos. My point - in time, this all just goes away...

My main advice though is to recognize that the motivation, and support and everything PRIMARILY comes from within. That is very hard when you have a lifetime of "failures" and it is embarrasing. Well, i felt that way anyway. By the time I was sleeved, there was no pride involved.. I was DYING from obesity so all that silliness just didn't matter anymore.

[MoMo12onTheGo 66]

I appreciate your support and responses. I am heading out now to my first of 3 psych appointments and have asked my sister to ride with me as the Dr. office is 90m from me. After reading all of this, I've decided to tell her the truth and just be honest with everyone. I need as much support as I can get so I suppose the ones that have attitude or are negative can just fall by the way side.. Thank you!

[Rogofulm 2,440]

I've told anyone who asked, and received 100% positive responses. Others I read on this Forum have gotten lots of negative feedback. What's the difference? It could be the people in your life. (I'm in my 50s, so my crowd may be wiser and less judgmental.) Or it might just be in the delivery. I tell people with such confidence and enthusiasm that it's hard for them to say anything negative. ("I had bariatric surgery last June. Since then I've lost XX pounds, my health has improved, and I feel fantastic!!! It's been really hard work, but it's totally worth it!!!") Notice that I told them what I was doing, how successful it's been, what improvements have come as a result, told them that it's NOT easy, and expressed my enthusiasm for the process. Who, besides a total Grinch is gonna say something bad to that? Might be worth a try.....

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I've not told everyone and I don't lie. This is not the easy way, trust me.

[Recycled 2,182]

To each their own. I would think it depends a lot on your personality. I'm the type that pretty much just does whatever I choose when it comes to me.......and I don't really care what others think about it......I also state those choices in a very confident and "matter of fact" way that doesn't leave much room for any negative rebuttal.

Others may be more subdued and sensitive and just care not to deal with other peoples less than supportive attitudes.

It's not about a lie......more of - "if you choose to share" or "it's nobody's business".

Whatever way works for you.......