male only My wife is scared and nervous

[Trev 16]

Hey guy's new kid on the block here im 44yrs.old and just got through with my sleep test this morning.My wife is flipping out a little because she thinks im going to get real skinny,I'm '5 11" and weigh 280lbs. My goal is to be 195 to 205lbs but she thinks im going to lose more...maybe maybe not either way im doing it for myself,her and my son. She's also had the sleeve done so she's telling me this and that and I apreciate it but she also didn't follow the doctors rules also,that's why I told her im going to do it by the letter whatever the doctor tells me thats what im going to do. Sorry had to rant a little but has anyone had this problem and if so what did you say to her? Thanks and im very happy to be here!!!!! In my (Eddie Murphy) voice

[JamieLogical 8,727]

Interesting that she herself has been sleeved and she is still having these concerns. Most of the time, when we hear about unsupportive spouses, it's because they don't fully understand what the surgery entails. Has she been unsuccessful with her sleeve?

[katesuccess 990]

Sometimes I can be way more competitive than I'd like to admit when it comes to things like weight loss and my beloved. Perhaps she's worried you'll do better than she's done, or lord it over her a bit? Fear of being told/shown how you do this differently if it works?

Also lots of people are worried about their spouse no longer needing or wanting them or being attracted to them - my husband is really THERE sometimes, and it makes me sad. He said ti last night as we watched a My 600 lb Life last night about the guy afraid his wife would no longer need him to be her caregiver. Hubby said he worried about my not needing him, and I had to remind him that I'm with him because I love him and I WANT to be with him - not because I'm afraid not to be, or that I'd be unable to care for myself without him - that's (unhealthy) codependency in my opinion.

Maybe share some of your own concerns with her, and remind her that doctors are all recommending different things, and you're going to follow his/her advice as best you can because s/he is the professional you're having to entrust your WLS self with. Occasionally thanking her for the input (even if not really needed) wouldn't be a bad thing either. We women like to be 'helpful' -- at least I recognize myself in that!

Good luck, and I think this'll get better as she sees you continue to love and cherish her just the way she is and you are - no matter what.

[cube68 70]

My wife and I were both sleeved the same day. I started out heavier, and am now lighter. They told us to expect this, as guys tend to lose quicker than girls, but everyone is different. I'm 10#'s from my goal of 175, I just don't get on the scale as often, and especially in front of her, to avoid conflict.

I don't follow my Dr advice 100%, either, but it is a learning process. (I'm about 3 months out). I try to support her to remember to take her supliments, but that is another battle all together. I've found that just being supportive is best, try your best not to be competitive. Remind her of the things you two will be able to do together that you couldn't do in the past...

[Trev 16]

Hey thanks everyone i really thank you for your own stories and support,I've notice that she would say things like OMG your going to be so fine and im going to have to carry a bat LOL...but now that I read all of your post's she does fear that i might leave her or it's some sort of competition,I had to reasure her that im not going anywhere because for one thing ill be going to the psychologist to get instructions. My friends wife left him because she didn't know how to act when she lost the weight and she did not go to her psychologist either so that maybe another reason also that my wife is a little scared but once again i had to reasure her that the 12 years we've been married she will and always have my HEART and LOVE...Thank you Cube68,Katesuccess,&JamieLo

[ready2getgoing 41]

I got my sleeve the end of May 2014 - my wife was very supportive and even attended support group meetings with me. She eventually get her sleeve in Sept of 2014 - now we are in it together now.

As a guy - we usually loose weight easier then our female counterparts - It's not a competition. We are there for each other and support each other, we don't point out when we see the other "stray" from the plan - that's not what this is about. It is easier for both us when it comes to cooking and food - we know what the other is going though.

Right now I'm about 10 lbs from my goal - I really don't know where she is - that's not really a question you ask of your wife - I'm just there for her and she's there for me. We were happy before the surgery and will be no matter where we wind up.

[Trev 16]

Ready2getgoing thanks for that,my wife and I really do support each other big time she just told me that she's a little scared for me because she LOVES me so much and that im her number #1 guy...I thank God for a strong wife!!

[Bigboy76 102]

Yeah...Wifey decided to have the surgery because she didn't think our marriage would be the same since we are both overweight. I had mine mid-Sept and she had hers at end of October. She knows I've lost 100 lbs and she's lost 50. I just keep encouraging her...and she doesn't like to weigh herself. She also doesn't want to hit the gym with me...which I do think would help. Guys are gonna lose differently. I finally got her on scale today..and started calling her Skinny Mama because she had lost a total of 65 lbs now!!!!

Encourage each other and, like Cube68, I don't weigh myself that much..and normally not in front of her to avoid the conflicts.

[Trev 16]

Thank's Bigboy 76!!

[Rogofulm 2,440]

I'm having pretty much the same experience your wife is worried about. I overshot my goal and she thinks I'm getting "too skinny". She's pretty upset with me. I'm trying to figure out what works to stop the losses, and maybe even gain a few pounds back, but it takes time. If I can just keep her calm, everything will be okay. My plan all along was to get to goal quickly and then figure it out. I'm there now, and working on that next step. But instead of going crazy and eating "the old way", I'm taking baby steps to test each new food to see how my body reacts. Just like figuring out the most effective ways your body loses weight takes time, it will also take some time to figure out what works and what doesn't to maintain. I just need to keep reminding her that I'm not trying to lose any more weight, and that she needs to be patient while I figure this out. She doesn't feel threatened, because we're totally devoted to each other. It's just that she didn't marry a "skinny guy", and still hasn't completely adjusted to my new size yet. But this is a good reminder to all of us who have had bariatric surgery that our weight loss affects our loved ones too, and we need to be sensitive to their emotional needs as well.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I know this is in the guys room and I'm penis-less, but I really am enjoying this thread. Thanks for all your comments, gentlemen.

[cube68 70]

My wife and I got sleeved on the same day, December 3rd, 2014.I'm at my goal, she isn't, but she is finally seeing herself as thinner. We donated 5 garbage bags of clothes, from sizes 24 to 12. A few days ago, we spent the day shopping for summer clothes and had an awesome time! Life is getting better!

[Rovobay 920]

nothing wrong with making a choice that can add years to your life. Like you said, you are doing this for your family. great motivation! you'll be just fine!

[Trev 16]

Thank's everyone you guy's have been a Blessing!!!

[fatblasting 30]

I think my girlfriend is worried about me getting to thin. But not because she won't find me attractive, but she's afraid other women will find me attractive.

She's correct about other women find me attractive because I am constantly being hit on by women at work. Lol! Who knew women were so forward these days....or maybe it's just because I've been fat my whole life. Lol!