OK friends. I'm going to start this off. How about we share comments regarding how we eat while on a date? I have a funny one from last week.

I went to dinner on Thursday with a new fellow I just met and he made a few comments on how little I was eating. He does not know about my band...it's too early in the relationship to bring it up as far as I'm concerned. I told him several times that I had eaten enough and indeed I did like the food.

So..we go out again on Saturday and because the weather was lousy, we wound up in a restaurant again instead of at the piano bar we were supposed to go to. As I had already had dinner, I said I'd have a drink while he ate. I decided to order a cup of Soup and a sangria. I had about 1/3 of the soup but had the full glass of wine.

He looks at me and says, well, at least there's one thing that I see you manage to finish. It made me laugh. We're going to dinner and the piano bar or Saturday so it will be interesting to see how that goes.

Anyone else have a story?

deleted...as I somehow posted in the wrong thread...

Edited February 24, 201511 yr by gowalking

I think a huge lesson for me is that while being trim makes it easy to find dates it doesn't really make relationships easier. I wasn't aware that I had that expectation, but I think I must have.

OK I know I am not dating...but I can tell you this. Both my husband and I are banded as you know... When we are out to eat or we are at an event, I can almost feel us "judging" each other and our choices of and amounts of food.

Now my band is fickle, but so is my stomach and was even before I was banded. Eating out has never been an easy thing for me to navigate. There are certain things I know that I can manage and then there are somethings that might have made me sick before and don't now and vs/verse. I know my hubs looks at going out and not finishing the food as wasteful, so I watch him eat to capacity and I can see it in his face when he is full but there is always that drive to finish the food. There is also this idea that we can't share the food...or purchase one entree to share....but that would be less wasteful and less expensive. We have been banded nearly 2 years now and we still don't get this.

When I am out at an event, my go to was always NOT to eat just in case I would get sick, and then after to go home and indulge. This little mind tickler is still there. I have to have a conversation with myself when I am out at an event that it is OK to actually eat what I want, and not have to worry about it because I rarely get sick these days. Sometimes I will run across a food that does not agree with me, but it's very rare and since I am not eating much of it, I never have to make a run for it. I also need to self talk about not going home after and feeling the need to indulge in more food since I didn't deprive myself.

I know it's a little more self conscious of a feeling when you don't know the person you are with all that well. Your judging yourself, and wondering if they are judging you...but you know what I think it's important to just enjoy the moment. To be honest with yourself and the person you are with. If your not hungry you don't eat. You eat healthy and cautiously, and you enjoy the food that you choose to eat.

I would be weary of not talking about it, lest people think you have an eating disorder. Of course you don't have to tell anyone it's a bariatric surgery at all ever if you choose not to. It's just your way of eating mindfully, for your health and well being end of story

Then enjoy the wine and the company and the music or what ever you are doing. Sometimes I feel like I am so fixated on food...even more then I was before bariatric surgery.

I ticked 'other' because what gets me off track is emotional triggers. I have control issues and have gone back to dating over the last few months. The one thing I cannot control, though I keep trying to, is how someone feels about me...or how the relationship is going.

It's why I work with the therapist on this. So I can deal with rejection without turning to food...and without blaming myself if the relationship doesn't go well. I'm really working hard on dealing with the fact that sometimes it has nothing to do with me at all.

I'm sure other control freaks out there can understand where I'm coming from.

Sometimes I wish it was a simple as boredom or stress. That's easier to fix than this thing I'm dealing with.

This is one of my biggest issues while dating. Not actively dating at the moment, but I know I'm going to have to tackle this once I venture back out into the wonderful world of dating.

Edited February 24, 201511 yr by lexiemustang

Hey Lisa...I think about food 24/7. That hasn't changed. In fact, I make sure to have my meals planned a couple of days in advance.. I tried to explain to this guy that I enjoyed food as much as anyone else but I think the amount I was eating confused him....