Husband is so negative about my Weight Loss Surgery :(

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

There's a saying " You can't change someone's behavior, but you can change how you react to that behavior." You made the decision for you. Stop trying to convince him or change his mind. Don't let this be a constant source of arguing for you. Focus on following your program and doing well.

[Garifab_VSG 122]

He has far bigger issues than your having this surgery. He still hasn't even taken accountability for his own obesity. *SMH*

I'm glad you're going through with this, and I will hold out hope that your marriage survives, but statistics are statistics for a reason, and the divorce rate post-WLS is high. *hugs*

Edited February 24, 2015 by Garifab_VSG

[Totoro 66]

Sorry I don't know our weights in pounds. (It's all metric here!) I'll use a converter.

I'm 112kg (and only 162 cm)

246 lb and 5 foot 3

He's 6 foot 2 and I have no idea of his weight (he won't weigh himself) but if I could guess he'd be 150kg 330lb?

He is a large build though (many people think he played rugby) and carried his weight much better than I do.

Yes he's very insecure, and has struggled a lot with depression in the past - still does.

We had another big talk. Eventually he did admit that he should have the surgery too, but just can't do it.

I think we may have turned a corner here.

[sarahbeth3569 95]

My husband is "supportive" but he's been making comments like " you're going to leave me once u get skinny" or As of lately trying to show me more sexual attention than he has in a Long time and I say all of this because I think that he thinks that we stay together because we've gotten so comfortable with each other. I've gained a lot since we've gotten married and that's almost like a guarantee for him that I'll always stay. Now like my husband, your husband is realizing that "guarantee" is going to be lifted soon....and acting out in jealousy. He's worried about the attention you may receive or that you may not look at him like you once did when you were heavier. Stay strong and do this for you!

[mrs kaje 347]

My husband thinks it's stupid, too. (Just wait 'til I tell him I'm booked in! He doesn't know, yet.)

Maybe he was just in denial about everything and you freaked him out by saying you need to do something about it; it's taken him a few days to admit to himself that there's actually a problem. Why can't he do it, too? Is he scared of the surgery? Embarrassed to admit to wanting it? Four weeks isn't long to get used to the idea, but when he sees how well you're going later in the year, he might change his mind about it.

Good luck, mate - and good on you for going through with it even when it seems like everyone it against it/you.

(Oh, and an easy way to remember how to convert to lbs is this: 1kg = 2.2lb (roughly) so just double your weight then add 10% :-) )

[LSF 264]

Hopefully, you will be cooking so many healthy meals for your family that he may lose weight without trying. Maybe he'll go for walks with you. He might be afraid of losing you when you become your newer, slimmer, sexier you - but if he takes this journey with you ( without him realizing it) he will feel great about himself also

[Bellarose100 74]

Hi

I am in Australia as well

My husband at 1st was not happy about me having surgery he also thought it was the easy way out we had a few fights I had to wait out the 12mths PHI so we both had 12mths to get our heads around it! One thing I always said to him is " I am sick of struggling with my weight I need some help I need this tool" he come to understand that I really wanted/needed this surgery! so he ended up supportive! I am 2 weeks post op, he started eating well a week before my surgery and has loss 11kgs and I know he feels really happy with himself! No regrets having the surgery I did it for me and my children!!

Do it for yourself ????

[Totoro 66]

Yes I really think he will eat well too and lose weight. He does actually lose weight easily when he tries.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

There are struggles of wills in every relationship. It all comes down to you looking after your health for your family and for yourself. He needs to know that you are doing this for all of you. It is not for any selfish reason but that you want to be there for him as long as you can and your health is an issue for you.

You will effect him as well and I am like him in that I hate change. I always worry about the outcomes of things if things do change. It is the fact that he suffers from depression as well which affects his thinking and emotions. He will most likely get on board once he sees that you both will change for the better together. He is the other half of yourself in your relationship. He needs to know that he always will be. But if he makes the choice to not support you that will be his choice. You are a human being with a right to change your life for the better.

Be gentle with him this is scary. He does not want to lose you. He really believes he is not good enough for you and that is why he is striking out. Show him in your own way that that is not the case.

As you go through many changes as you start your journey. He will go through a lot too. One thing I realized as I travel this road is that I needed my family and their understanding. They experienced it all along with me. It will be up to you to make the right decisions for yourself though. And most likely he too will benefit health wise by the new changes in food intake.

It takes time to change. And hopefully you both will see positive changes happening to make your lives better and happier...

[ausmith 374]

CAUTION! Huge vent AHEAD!

So I saw my surgeon and dietician for the first time today and have my surgery date in just over 4 weeks, I want to do this ASAP.( I'm in Australia so booking the surgery and using insurance is very straightforward).

I'm excited to lose weight and feel good about myself.

Husband thinks I'm abandoning him. He needs to lose a lot of weight himself and he says I'm getting the easy way out and leaving him to do the hard work. He said we got fat together and now I'm not supporting him to lose it. He said he would never do this surgery.

So frustrated that he's making this about him when it is entirely my own decision about my own body.

He's blaming my parents for what he perceives as them making me feel so bad about myself that I feel I need to do this.

Grrrrr!!!! So angry at his bull$&@#!!!!

Ive tried to reassure him of course. And I think there is also a lot of worry there about me dying. He has never had surgery ever in his life.

He also doesn't perceive me as being unhealthy. I don't have any weight related health problems (yet- I keep trying to tell him YET) but certainly will in the future.

So I'm feeling so frustrated but honestly I'm seeing this as his problem and I'm still going ahead with it because I need to for my health.

Sorry everyone. Rant over.

My husband and I had surgery together 16months ago. Funny the things your husband said I actually thought about them when I first started researching the sleeve. I knew that if he went first I would have been jealous and if I went first he would be the same. We were both very over weight and nothing worked and we were both enablers to the other. Give him time and even though he says he would never do it, start investigating it for him. Get him to go to your appointments with you. Once he see's your results he may change his mind and want to have the surgery to. If not I fear you have a rocky road ahead. We also had ours in Australia and we are so happy we did it. Each of us have lost over 50kg's each. Life is great 16 months out. ( although he lost his a lot quicker than I did grrrr ) good Luck

Edited February 26, 2015 by ausmith

[LoreLu 79]

Challenge the schmuck that, if he thinks you're doing it "the easy way", he should go on the same diet! When you have to drink your meals, HE has to drink his meals. When you eat (essentially) pureed baby food, HE eats pureed baby food. NO CHEATING.

My husband has already volunteered to eat the same as I will be, without even knowing what's in store for us! THAT is

COURAGE! If your Dear Hubby wants to continue killing himself slowly with food, that's his option. You choose not to die early. You choose life, well lived, not well handicapped.

He might get some counselling as to why your decision is such a threat to him.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

My husband didn't want me to have surgery either. But I did it any way. He thought the same thing.... That I wasn't that big and I did t have health issues. He said.... You can do it if you really want to. He just didn't understand how hard it is. He like your husband is very insecure. He didn't have a weight problem he is s 6'4". So fast forward three years and 80lb lighter he HATES that I lost weight said that my losing weight was the worst thing ever. He hates men looking at me and the attention I get. I would suggest that you do some couple counseling if he will. If not the probability of yall lasting is slim. My husband won't go and as a result our marriage is in trouble after 24 years. But it m so glad I did it anyway..... For me and no one else. Good luck

[sprocket 104]

It's not like you'll lose all the weigh overnight. He'll have plenty of "losing weight together" time after your surgery.

[ProjectMe 909]

Would your husband be against your having surgery for any other ailment? Would he be against medical intervention for diabetes, high blood pressure, smoking, etc.? Probably not. Because he sees these issues as medical diseases. The biggest question is: What is his perception of obesity?

Obesity is a multifaceted disease. And while you may be asymptomatic right now...internally your body is suffering and medical problems are sure to arise. The better we understand that obesity is a disease ourselves, the better we are able to explain it to our spouses and significant others. If we haven't done the research or asked our Drs/nutritionist about this disease, we are doing ourselves and our loved ones a disservice.

Now after you've explained the disease to him, and he still chooses to be unsupportive...that's on him and his insecurities and selfishness.

[Packerfan61964 293]

Having WLS is NOT the easy way out!!! It is a tool to assist you in losing weight!! Why won't your husband have the surgery?? On the other hand, IF he eats what you eat AFTER surgery, then he will lose weight too!!! GOOD LUCK!!!