Do you feel like a failure?

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

I will have my final visit with surgeon next week, then everything will be submitted to insurance for approval.

I am very excited about getting this done, to live my life without as many aches and pains,and hopefully with normal BP and cholesterol., but there's a small part if me that feels like a failure to have to rely on surgery to help me loose weight and keep it off. I have succeeded at diets in the past but the weight always comes back on...I just want to be done with that. Does anyone else feel like a failure too?

[Debbie Jean 406]

Absolutely not. After your surgery you will really understand how your sleeve is only a "tool"... it's not a fix and it's certainly not the easy way out. You will have to learn to eat all over again. If you use your "tool" wisely you will succeed. If you don't it won't to a thing for you. You can certainly "eat around it" and some people do. Whether it helps is all up to you. YOU will do the work.

Failure? Nah!! That's something to be proud of ????

[Babbs 14,680]

Absolutely not. After your surgery you will really understand how your sleeve is only a "tool"... it's not a fix and it's certainly not the easy way out. You will have to learn to eat all over again. If you use your "tool" wisely you will succeed. If you don't it won't to a thing for you. You can certainly "eat around it" and some people do. Whether it helps is all up to you. YOU will do the work.

Failure? Nah!! That's something to be proud of

Perfect. Answer.

[ProjectMe 909]

Obesity is a multifaceted disease. It is a disease that is metabolic, physical, mental, emotional, and hereditary. Which is why the pre process includes so many hoops (psych, PCP, nutritionist, failed weight loss attempts, surgeons, family med history, etc.) Science and the medical field and most insurances now recognize and understand this based on valid long term studies. And agree that WLS, as a TOOL, is the most effective solution for people who have had a BMI greater than 35 at any point in their lives, keep the weight off for the long term.

So why do we question seeking medical help for a disease? Would you not get medical help for blood pressure, diabetes, cancer or smoking? Would we think folks who did get medical help for these ailments are "Cheaters who took the easy way out?" That would be absurd. Just as absurd as thinking you've failed for considering WLS.

[mclorrie 219]

If you're a failure, we're all a failure! And I'm not accepting that! I'm in the same boat as you are, had success with weight loss, & eventually put it back on. In my case (and then some). I'm tired of yo-yo diets, being upset with myself for becoming overweight! That's when I decided I'm going to finally take control of my life & do something about it! I know once I have this surgery & start seeing the weight coming off - I'm going to work harder - become more active, & be the best that I can be!

Failure? There's no such thing in failure, when you know what you want... You just need to go for it!!

Good luck with your surgery, & keep us posted on your progress!

[AvaFern 3,516]

To answer your question honestly, yes, I do feel like a failure because I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out so that i could finally be normal. I've never looked at people who have had bariatric surgery as a failure, in fact, I really never thought about their decision much at all because I figured it was their business, not mine. Now, as a person who has a sleeve, yes, I feel like a big stupid loser because no matter how hard I tried and how many times I lost weight, I would just pack the pounds right back on. I feel like I look at people who drink or do drugs and think, ok, so just stop..how hard is this? Yet, then I look at how I eat, and there is no just stopping me from eating the whole pan of brownies. As a result, I had a surgery that should in theory limit me from gaining weight, although I find that while it is easier to maintain weight now, I still have to be aware every single day of what I eat or I will gain again.

That being said, I know I can look at myself and think I am a cheater, that I am a failure because I couldn't control my weight the "normal" way, and that I am a lazy fatty because instead of suffering again and again on diets that don't work, I gave up and had surgery. As far as I'm concerned, good for me. If in the end I am now happy, thin, and healthy, so who cares how I got here! Ultimately the only people who are truly failures are those who stop fighting, and having your stomach cut out is a heck of a way to keep fighting when everything else you've tried has not worked. If in the end you hit your goal, rationally, you certainly are not a failure.

[mhuntoon 21]

Yes, absolutely. I felt like I was "cheating" and that I was "taking the easy way" and, like you, felt like a complete failure. I am now 3.5 weeks post-sleeve and I have still not broadcast what I've done because I don't want to have the looks, the whispers, whatever from others. I've told my parents, my in-laws, my wife, my kids, and my two friends. That's it. I don't have a lot of friends - one guy I grew up with in RI and one friend I've made since moving to NC. My life has revolved around my kids, to be honest, which makes me far happier than anything else. I'm friendly with their friends' parents but most everyone else is simply an acquaintance. I may, or may not, tell others what I've done but I'm not at that point yet.

That said, feeling like a failure I would think is fairly normal for those of us who have struggled with weight for so long. We're conditioned to feel that way by society. Obesity isn't a disease, they'll say, it's part of being a lazy, self-indulgent person. Those same people will point to other "self-inflicted" things like drug addiction and call them "diseases." For whatever reason, obesity is the last bastion of things to be made fun of, looked down upon, and embarrassed of. I've dealt with my obesity via self-deprecation. I figure if I point out the obvious first, no one else can hurt me and it removes the elephant (figurative, not me) from the room.

None of what I've typed above means that YOU should feel like a failure. What you YOU need to do is think about why you're having this surgery in the first place. Are you hoping to extend your life? Are you a parent or plan to become a parent and want to be active with your kids/grandkids? Are there things that you feel will bring you joy (running a marathon, climbing a mountain, shopping without becoming winded) that you can't do because of your current physical condition? If you answered "yes" to any of those, then in my mind you're not a failure. You're succeeding in making things happen. Until YOU come around to that line of thinking, however, it's going to be tough to hear others tell you this.

As Debbie Jean says below, this is a tool. It's not a quick-fix. If you think you're going to have the surgery, bounce out of bed pain free a few hours later, rock a bikini on the beach, and go out and eat whatever you'd like because the sleeve will keep you from getting fat again...then, please don't have this surgery. It's been a little tougher than I expected, to be honest, but nothing I can't/won't get through. Read what she has to say again, she's giving you solid advice.

Absolutely not. After your surgery you will really understand how your sleeve is only a "tool"... it's not a fix and it's certainly not the easy way out. You will have to learn to eat all over again. If you use your "tool" wisely you will succeed. If you don't it won't to a thing for you. You can certainly "eat around it" and some people do. Whether it helps is all up to you. YOU will do the work.

Failure? Nah!! That's something to be proud of

[alwaysvegas 702]

I had some fleeting thoughts about not doing the weight loss for life on my own. I've maintained a healthy weight for several years at a time, but eventually packed it back on.

But now that I'm cured of sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and pre-diabetes...I have no regrets at all.

Maintaining a healthy weight still requires conscious choices, but the sleeve has helped tremendously with hunger and Portion Control, just as the sleeve was meant to.

My biggest fear is the fear of failing even with the sleeve, but I have plenty of family support, online resources, and bariatric support groups both onilne and in person. It all helps me keep my focus on a healthy lifestyle.

Edited February 7, 2015 by AlwaysVegas

[whirlwen 65]

The way I look at it is I have fought a good fight. I have put more time, energy, money, emotion into weight loss than any other single endeavor in my life and though I have often thought of myself as lazy, slovenly or unmotivated, I know that in reality, I have been anything but. The world we live in has put a stigma on WLS, but I am choosing to see the courage and strength it takes to make this choice! You are not a failure, you are amazing!

[GreenEyes604 753]

I have not and will not ever consider myself a failure for making the decision to have VSG surgery. It takes a true CHAMPION to be able to endure everything that each and every one of us who have already been sleeved have had to endure.

Me a failure? Oh, HELL NO! I am a ROCK STAR!!!

[Debbie Jean 406]

Someone posted on BP something that I'll always remember. Don't know who it was but it really made me think.

Do type 2 diabetics feel guilty because they need insulin? Do people who need a bypass feel guilty because they need surgery? Clogged arteries and high sugars are the results of a lifetime of lousy eating and no exercise! Why don't they just go on a healthy diet and get up and move?! Shame on them! This could all have been prevented if they weren't so lazy and self indulgent!

Why is it alright to accept that intervention is appropriate for some medical conditions but others should be made to feel like failures for needing help. I've taken insulin and no one ever insinuated that I should be ashamed. I don't take it anymore because I finally found the courage... yes, courage... to use WLS as a tool to help.

BTW, I saw my endocrinologist last week and he was ecstatic. He said he never sees patients who are able to so completely turn around their medical condition and prognosis. He said he was impressed and really proud! Nope, not a failure at all .

[Wannabeskinnie 59]

Thanks so much for making me feel so much better. I know this is the best thing for me...and I guess I really am not a failure for doing this. I really don't let others opinions matter...in fact only my hubby knows I'm doing this..haven't told my kids, sisters, friends, etc