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I feel unsupported... Can I do this by myself?

noorjenna

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bikrchk    1,313

bikrchk
Posted

It's ideal to have the support of those we love, but unfortunately many do not. I'm single and live alone. Once I got my mom on board, there was going to be no keeping her away, but I didn't "need" her there to do anything for me, (other than call an ambulance just in case something went really, really wrong). I recovered quickly and was back at work the next week. If things go well, as long as you have help with the kids, (you won't be able to lift and will have limited energy for the first few weeks), you got this!

I echo the "find a support group" comments. Even for those of us with supportive friends and families. Face to face support can be invaluable.

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BLERDgirl    6,417

BLERDgirl
Posted

I did it on my own. I don't have little ones at home, just a cat. I was fortunate enough that I didn't have any pain post-op. I did all my prep and was able to tend to my cats feeding, litter box cleaning etc.... on my own. As for your spouse, it may be fear. As long as he doesn't sabotage you by trying to tempt you with foods you shouldn't have you should be fine.

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jayhawkgirl    33

jayhawkgirl
Posted

Sorry you're having to face this. I agree with the others. You CAN do this! There could be a multitude of reasons for your husband's attitude, but the only one who knows him and probably has the best idea is you. Regardless, this is about living a longer, healthier life! I would think that anyone who truly loves you will get on board...especially if they have NO OTHER option! ;)

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Krauselor    1

Krauselor
Posted

I am in the same situation as you. My husband is not supportive at all. Currently, he is working overseas and I am in US. We Skype every day. He asked me today," So how long will it take for you to eat around this surgery?" He did not want me to have it in the first place and now he is thinking that I will gain the weight back.

I had my surgery on 2/13, so I am 4 days post op. I do have the support of my mother, but that's it. The lack of support makes me even more determined to be successful. I will show my husband that I will lose all my excess weight and keep it off.

I have pretty much done everything on my own without a problem. Best of luck to you!

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BLERDgirl    6,417

BLERDgirl
Posted

I am in the same situation as you. My husband is not supportive at all. Currently, he is working overseas and I am in US. We Skype every day. He asked me today," So how long will it take for you to eat around this surgery?" He did not want me to have it in the first place and now he is thinking that I will gain the weight back.

I had my surgery on 2/13, so I am 4 days post op. I do have the support of my mother, but that's it. The lack of support makes me even more determined to be successful. I will show my husband that I will lose all my excess weight and keep it off.

I have pretty much done everything on my own without a problem. Best of luck to you!

WOW! That is worse than unsupportive. Sorry you have to deal with that.

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jillstl    55

jillstl
Posted

This must be a common occurrence. My husband can be an insensitive asshole too. He likes to criticize my choices as being too impulsive and unnecessary. In the end, we don't live our lives for our spouses and while we may love them and want their support, we don't have to have it in order to succeed. Eventually they will either come around or they won't and sometimes relationships can be damaged as a result. I have a tendency not to consult my husband before I make decisions because generally he's not supportive. But to be fair I sometimes just don't want to hear what he has to say because I don't want him to rain on my parade. So good luck to you and keep posting on here so that we but can continue to watch your journey I don't know about you but I'm super excited!! And those hubbies...well they can kiss our skinny asses!

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purrfctangel    239

purrfctangel
Posted

I am thinking being single could be an advantage.

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roni99123    3

roni99123
Posted

We will all be here to support you! You can do this girl, hold or head high, and be strong.

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VSGAnn2014    12,992

VSGAnn2014
Posted

I've had two husbands: One was an asshole, the other is a saint.

I like the saint a helluva lot better!

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roni99123    3

roni99123
Posted

Hehehe well said!

hi Jill I'm new to all this can u please explain to me how I post my own stuff like questions and where to go I'm so confused lol

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Garifab_VSG    122

Garifab_VSG
Posted

I honestly can't see staying with someone who is so unsupportive of something of this nature. I'm so sad to see so many unsupportive spouses. I also wonder how many of these spouses are generally controlling people by nature.

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kyrickchick64    468

kyrickchick64
Posted

I hope it's just because of his own insecurity about losing you that made him say that and he will turn around. Is he overweight as well?

You got this.

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sallyg26    9

sallyg26
Posted

he is feeling threatened, my husband and i have been married 39 years and he is pretty much the same. love yourself and carryon, this isn't about him its about you.

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Go To Topic Listing Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story

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    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 1 reply
      1. Phil Penn

        Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
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      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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