I just read "thread kills" and I'm wondering...

[lor 0]

There seems to be such negativity towards people who are having a hard time sticking with an eating program once they are banded. Yet everyone says that the band is only a tool and we have to still deal with our food issues. It seems to me that none of us would have taken the extreme step of having surgery and a foreign object placed in our bodies if we didn't have a pretty big problem with food to begin with. So, why are people who are eating over the band or having a hard time sticking to the plan being treated with such impatients? Frankly, I'd love to have a forum here to talk about food issues (our relationship to food, our feelings about not being able to eat, our struggles with sticking to the rules) without being put down. Isn't that disapproving voice part of what drives us to destructive behavior?

I was banded 5 weeks ago, have had no fill yet and since the third week past surgery have been pretty much eating like I did before banding. I feel scared and weak but I'm afraid to talk about in any forum for fear I'll just be told to "stop it" or "what do you expect if you don't follow your dr. instructions?" or get no support beyond being told that once I'm filled it will be different. The emotional issues around eating (whether the reasons I eat are just physiological or not) are half the battle for me, and I'd like to think I can discuss them without judgement.

Is anyone out there feeling the same way, or am I just sounding like I'm a whiner or rationalizing behavior?

[musicalmomma 1]

Hi lor :wave: The "thread killers" thread is in the "Rants and Raves" section of the LBT forum. Most people go in there to blow off steam or vent negative feelings. A lot of people, NOT ALL, but many who post there, don't really post much in other areas of the forum. They need a place to vent and they vent. Or they need a place to voice an opinion, so they do it in there. I think if you post real concerns in the "support" area or "post-op" area, for instance, you'd get mostly constructive and supportive advice and concern. I learned the hard way to just stay clear of the "rants & raves" section of the forum unless I'm in a 'scrapping' mood. It's not a good place to get support. The rest of the forum is mostly supportive and informative.

I'm in the pre-op liquid diet phase now...on day 5...I feel your pain. You've been in what they call "bandster hell" longer than I have, but I really do feel your pain. Hang in there...from what I understand, once you get the right amount of restriction, via fills, your hunger will subside

[marjon9 6]

There seems to be such negativity towards people who are having a hard time sticking with an eating program once they are banded. Yet everyone says that the band is only a tool and we have to still deal with our food issues. It seems to me that none of us would have taken the extreme step of having surgery and a foreign object placed in our bodies if we didn't have a pretty big problem with food to begin with. So, why are people who are eating over the band or having a hard time sticking to the plan being treated with such impatients? Frankly, I'd love to have a forum here to talk about food issues (our relationship to food, our feelings about not being able to eat, our struggles with sticking to the rules) without being put down. Isn't that disapproving voice part of what drives us to destructive behavior?

I was banded 5 weeks ago, have had no fill yet and since the third week past surgery have been pretty much eating like I did before banding. I feel scared and weak but I'm afraid to talk about in any forum for fear I'll just be told to "stop it" or "what do you expect if you don't follow your dr. instructions?" or get no support beyond being told that once I'm filled it will be different. The emotional issues around eating (whether the reasons I eat are just physiological or not) are half the battle for me, and I'd like to think I can discuss them without judgement.

Is anyone out there feeling the same way, or am I just sounding like I'm a whiner or rationalizing behavior?

I think in general people here are very understanding and supportive of each other's difficulties sticking with eating plans, etc. All of us have had similar difficulties or we would not need the lap band. The large majority of posts here are very supportive.

Sometimes, when a person appears to be blaming the world for their problems, another person may respond with a little "tough love" to help the person understand that ultimately they are responsible for their own lives. But even there, this is another form of support. I think you will see that your first impression here may not be completely accurate. I don't think people "put each other down" or show a lot of "negativity about having a hard time sticking with an eating plan," etc. I just don't think that is a very accurate description of most of the posts here.

Concerning your particular circumstances, the thing you need to understand is that the best advice out there is that "things will be different after you start getting fills." That is what the band is designed for. Having the lap band is not about being on a diet, involving starvation and all the same "will power" issues as before. The whole purpose of getting the band is so that you don't have to live with those things any more. The band is about getting the proper level of restriction, through fills, so that you don't need will power. If you are hungry all the time and eating like you did before, then the answer to that problem is to start getting fills.

As for getting support with emotional issues, I think you will find that that is available here as well. But please keep one thing in mind: You do not need to solve all your emotional problems with eating in order to have the band work for you. The band will work even with the emotional problems, as long as you have proper fills and proper restriction. Yes, you can defeat the band by deliberately trying to sabotage yourself by drinking McDonald's milkshakes all day. But aside from that, the band is there to help you even though you have not solved all your emotional problems with eating. The band is a tool that makes it much harder to overeat -- as long as you have the fills you need to create proper restriction. This is usually enough to help people lose weight even if they still do have emotional problems relating to eating.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I don't think that is true unless it is the post-op diet phase. Then you will see people get worked up over it. You have to understand that you can do damage by not following a pre-op diet.

It isn't the sutures that hold the band in place forever, it's the scarring and adhesions that form. Long story short, if you eat solids or foods that are not great during this time the adhesions won't have the opportunity to form well and you risk a slip. Many believe that if food slides through the stoma (band) then they are good to go and it is safe to eat solids. This simply isn't true. That's just a small piece of the healing phase.

If you stretch your pouch before you ever form adhesions it can push your band down and cause your pouch to enlarge forever (not the same as a dilated pouch). You'll never achieve weight loss unless you go back to OR and have the band positioned again. Then you are back to where you started from with the post op diet.

Yes, we all have food issues but we all need to overcome them for just a few weeks. We have to work through them, ignore them, deal with them, whatever the case may be. If you want the band to work, if you want to be healthy, if you want to get serious about weight loss you simply have to do it or risk no long term weight loss.

Having a band does not mean you depend on the band to do all the work, it means self control, common sense, hard work, careful food choices, and exercise. I think there are some people (not saying you, I don't know you) that get a band and sit back and wait for weight loss. That's just not how it works.

The post op diet is typically six weeks. Six weeks out of years and years of a lifetime. If you want surgery badly enough, you'll find a way to do it. If you want weight loss badly enough, you'll find a way to follow bandster rules. But you have to really want it and even when it isn't convenient and worse yet... even when it is *really* hard.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I learned the hard way to just stay clear of the "rants & raves" section of the forum unless I'm in a 'scrapping' mood. It's not a good place to get support. The rest of the forum is mostly supportive and informative.

In all fairness the RnR section isn't designed for support, it states clearly it is off topic.

[musicalmomma 1]

In all fairness the RnR section isn't designed for support, it states clearly it is off topic.

Oh, I know...I didn't say R&R was a bad thing...just let our poster know that it's not a great place to seek support. I don't go in R&R if I'm feeling like our poster is feeling right now...when I'm feeling insecure or depressed, I look for a more upbeat thread. That's all I was trying to convey. Now, when I feel particularly rambunctious or mischievous, I check into the R&R area or the board

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Sometimes, when a person appears to be blaming the world for their problems, another person may respond with a little "tough love" to help the person understand that ultimately they are responsible for their own lives. But even there, this is another form of support. I think you will see that your first impression here may not be completely accurate. I don't think people "put each other down" or show a lot of "negativity about having a hard time sticking with an eating plan," etc. I just don't think that is a very accurate description of most of the posts here.

You wrote this far better than I did.

I agree, tough love is not the same as putting another down.

I still blame doctors for a majority of this problem. If they would explain WHY the post op diet is soooo important instead of just saying that it is the healing phase, people would be more likely to stick to post op diets. People still believe it is a matter of stoma swelling and when the swelling goes down, they are good to go on solids. If doctors would take FIVE minutes to explain what is healing and how it all works, many of these issues wouldn't BE issues.

[musicalmomma 1]

...If they would explain WHY the post op diet is soooo important instead of just saying that it is the healing phase, people would be more likely to stick to post op diets. People still believe it is a matter of stoma swelling and when the swelling goes down, they are good to go on solids. If doctors would take FIVE minutes to explain what is healing and how it all works, many of these issues wouldn't BE issues.

You are SO right here!!! I'm not post-op yet, so perhaps my surgeon will explain this to me on Friday, BUT I didn't know the extent of the damage I could do if I didn't follow the post-op diet! Thanks for explaining it...I will be even more vigilant because you educated me.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

MM...

Since you are being banded soon, if your doc does not explain to you in detail why the post op diet is soooo critical, would you ask him why he didn't explain this? The adhesions that form around the stoma, the churning of the stomach preventing some of these adhesions from forming, the band being pushed down a little and enlarging the pouch, etc?

I did this very issue just last week. I went with a friend to get a band and I sat in on all the lectures. My own doc essentially explained that the diet is to help the band set. That's all he said. Well what the heck does that mean? How does a band "set"? That makes no sense.

Later (in private) we had a really good talk. I voiced my opinions about doctors not explaining everything to their patients and thus, patients don't see the value in the post op diet. He agreed. He invited me to sit in on lectures for the following day's patients and he explained it in detail. He even gave a couple of other reasons for the post op diet.

If we ALL do this maybe docs will start educating people a little better instead of herding us in and out of their office like cattle.

This really is one of my pet peeves in life. It really isn't fair to patients. They have a right to understand everything there is to know about being banded.

[lor 0]

wasa...are you saying that if I've been eating normally since three weeks after surgery, I have already risked ruining my band? If so, can they see that when I go for my first fill? And if they can't, what can I expect down the road?

BTW after posting my first message on this thread, I found a thread by Krystal that was so inspiring and the replies she got, so supportive- it made me feel better about getting suppot here.

marjon9- love your Einstein quote. My husband is a born again Chrisitian and I am not. Needless to say it's a big issue. I recently read the article in Time magazine re: Einstein's faith. It was so akin to my own vision of god and spirituality and lead to quite a "lively" discussion in my home! LOL

Also, it was interesting to hear you say (my own words here) that the band is really a physiological tool and we don't have to get over our emotional food issues to have the band up and working. I have some anxiety about how I am going to deal with feelings once I can't eat about them.

[musicalmomma 1]

MM...

Since you are being banded soon, if your doc does not explain to you in detail why the post op diet is soooo critical, would you ask him why he didn't explain this? The adhesions that form around the stoma, the churning of the stomach preventing some of these adhesions from forming, the band being pushed down a little and enlarging the pouch, etc?

You bet yer bippi!!! At my pre-op appt he told me how the first 6 weeks, the band is the most vulnerable to slips and that's why it's so important to stay on the post-op diet because I didn't want to risk 'vomiting'. So, he was "close" to explaining the risks...but I thought the only risk was from vomiting! So, I will be sure to mention this to him at my post-op check if he doesn't go through it first. Thanks again

[marjon9 6]

In case anyone was wondering:

<CITE>Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)</CITE> - Cite This Source

bip·py /ˈbɪpi/Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[bip-ee]Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation–noun, plural -pies. Slang. <TABLE class=luna-Ent><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top>an unspecified part of the anatomy (usually used in the phrase You bet your (sweet) bippy). </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

<HR class=ety>[Origin: nonce word of uncert. orig.]

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD><CITE>Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)

Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

:heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh:</CITE>

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

[juliegeraci 7]

You sound perfectly normal. If you are eating like you were prebanded it is time for you to get fills? Are you afraid to have restriction? Somedays I can eat almost everything I need to get in good nutrition. Other days, like today I can't eat much at all. It just depends on how fickle my band is. Hang in there. You can always bring your concerns to the forum. That is what we are here for. Julie

[musicalmomma 1]

In case anyone was wondering:

<CITE>Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)</CITE> - Cite This Source

bip·py /ˈbɪpi/Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[bip-ee]Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation–noun, plural -pies. Slang. <TABLE class=luna-Ent><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top>an unspecified part of the anatomy (usually used in the phrase You bet your (sweet) bippy). </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

<HR class=ety>[Origin: nonce word of uncert. orig.]

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD><CITE>Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)

Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

:heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh::heh:</CITE>

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

LOL! Thanks Mark!

[OH Juli 15]

Lor-

I know what you mean about the emotional part of why we eat how we eat. It's a tangled knot to be true.

I started seeing a therapist 14 months before I got banded. (It took the process that long to get through insurance) and I continue to see her about once a month. I swear they put the band around my brain when they put one around my stomach because my thinking about food has totally changed.

But I'm new and I'm scared it will go back to how it was. But then I don't worry about the future like that. But then I'm freaking out about the damage I've done to my body by being so heavy for so long. and then I get obsessive about what weight I might be at when specific dates come along....and it just never ever stops.

Well it does sometimes.

My point is, there are people who are going around things with food psychologically just as you are. Holler and we'll listen with out judging.

OH Juli