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Denial and defense



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I am on day 12 post op and am starting to get cranky because I am so hungry. I can imagine it is mostly head hunger but I have been strong. I have stuck to my liquid diet (Bari diet stage 1) and start stage II (puree) in a couple days. What I cannot understand is how different many peoples diet or version of the bari diet is on here. I love it here, I get a lot of good advice and its a great place to find out information but when I read about self desctrutive acts then them getting upset because people tell them the truth (according to Physicians and Hospitals) about how you are supposed to eat they get defensive. I am all for positive criticism and feedback but you cannot get upset when you know you are doing wrong to your health, your body and new stomach and then post about your Evil Canieval eating habits straight out of surgery and are told as much. It goes from Denial to defense. Here I am struggling but sticking to it because I know it is a lifestyle change and its for my health, longevity and most importantly to keep me safe, and if you speak to me the wrong way I may jump up and cling to the ceiling like a bat … while others are like yes, I chowed down on a pizza, had fried chicken, chomped on some chips 3 days our of surgery. What? Granted, its not my business, but since its put out there … it is hard to understand for me how you can go through life destroying your body, then work so hard to get the surgery to then self sabotage. Making a mistake is human, but wanted to get validated for bad behavior? Sorry not the way. This isn’t a quick fix and we all know it. We know its HARD, we must WORK at it … but we are SOOO WORTH IT! To everyone struggling and who has slipped up just keep on track. That goal to health and longevity is in the horizon. Isn’t is beautiful? So even though I want to lick the cheese off the chips my mate eats, I am holding back. 2 weeks of this liquid diet and 2 more weeks of puree is a small sacrifice for a Lifetime of health. You are worth it ;)

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Amen!

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Ditto! Amen!

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Exactly. It was about four months in for me, when someone posted that those of us who are trying so hard to follow our teams' plan are just a bunch of goody two-shoes!

The purpose of this forum is to support each other and get an education in the process. We all struggle with this process in some way and absolutely NEED each other to tell the truth. How else are we really going to know what to expect?

On other occassions, I have welcomed newbies with the caveat that ask what you want, but be prepared that opinions and tact will vary.

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Amen! I am post op day 12 and still on full liquids and will be until 12/2.

I can't wait to be able to eat actual food and I will be frustrated when I spend all day cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I can't have any of it. I know the full liquids are for the best and I didn't take surgery lightly. I just keep plugging along every day and finding ways to make my liquids a bit more interesting while sticking to my guidelines. Food will be part of my life again eventually. This is just a very small part of the journey and we can do it! Keep sticking to the plan and working towards goal!

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My surgeon told my pre op group about a gastric bypass patient that had just came out of surgery the day before. The hospital accidently got the lunch trays mixed up and this gastric bypass patient got hamburger and fries as his first meal right out of surgery. He was a quarter of the way through the meal before the nurse questioned it. The patient thought it was okay to eat since that is what the hospital served him. If you make a mistake, I think you should own up to it and not look elsewhere for validation.

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I'm guessing that bypass patient was back in surgery pretty quickly then, after eating that cr@p. SMH. That is almost hard for me to believe someone can be that ...reckless.

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We'll said.

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i'm 12 days post op of lap band removal and i am too on a liquid diet. Yes, i am hungry and like you would love to just lick something off a plate but i do not. I learned how to eat healthy and Portion Control with the band that i had for 9 years. i stick to what my dr says cause there is a reason for their rules. they know better then we do. I have to wait 3 months and get to go in and get the gastric sleeve (self Pay) but it's going to be so worth it. i've seen where people have gained between 30-90 lbs they've told me in between band removal and their next wls. I can't do that mentally or physically. I do not want to sabotage what i have worked so hard for for 9 years. AMEN!!!

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i'm 12 days post op of lap band removal and i am too on a liquid diet. Yes, i am hungry and like you would love to just lick something off a plate but i do not. I learned how to eat healthy and Portion Control with the band that i had for 9 years. i stick to what my dr says cause there is a reason for their rules. they know better then we do. I have to wait 3 months and get to go in and get the gastric sleeve (self Pay) but it's going to be so worth it. i've seen where people have gained between 30-90 lbs they've told me in between band removal and their next wls. I can't do that mentally or physically. I do not want to sabotage what i have worked so hard for for 9 years. AMEN!!!

Indeed amen! Best of luck to your on your journey to the next WLS. By the sounds of it, your have it down pact. ;)

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thank you. yes i'm def ready to heal and get back in the gym with my trainer and my ciients until i'll have to take off again to do the sleeve.

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Well said diva! Just hold on and keep strong, pretty soon it'll become second nature to keep up your healthy eating habits. We got this woman!

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Well said diva! Just hold on and keep strong, pretty soon it'll become second nature to keep up your healthy eating habits. We got this woman!

LOL Thank you Diva! :-*

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    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 0 replies
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    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
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    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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