Losing focus

[shewolf143 56]

I am 1 yr and 7 months post-op. I was within 15 lbs of goal weight when life threw me a curve ball. I lost my job in January 2014, found another one within 6 wks. Then, my mother passed away unexpectedly in May, on Mothers Day. I didn't care for my job so I started another new one in June. I have been struggling since. I work from home & can't seem to find my prior motivation. I have gained 15 lbs & I am scared to death! I keep eating all the wrongs things & I am resorting to my previous binge eating. HELP!!! Any suggestions?

[BeagleLover 1,020]

I suggest going for therapy. That's a lot to handle. Losing your Mom is just awful!

[shewolf143 56]

I thought about that but I don't have the time right now as I am working a small project for my old employer on top of my regular job & it has to be done by the end of the month but may run over by a few days. I am very angry about my mom's death as she just gave up. She had fallen & broken her leg & they fixed it & she was to go to rehab but she didn't want to deal with the pain (she was 83). They sent her to rehab on May 9 & she was fine....she died on May 11.

[thesuse2000 698]

It sounds like you've had a very rough year. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge how far you've come. In the scheme of things 15 pounds isn't that much damage. You're catching it early enough to make some changes and get back on track. I agree with beaglelover - try to make the time to go to a therapist just once a week. I know, sometimes finding the time to research and find one can be a bigger deal. Maybe post here to see if anyone in your area has a recommendation!

If things are just super crazy right now, maybe wait till you get through the current hurdle and then make a plan to spend some solid time mapping out a plan to get back on track. Think about what foods you were eating when you were doing well - or what activities you were doing, or what your mindset was. And take time to work through all the changes in your life and the loss of your mom. Might not be a bad idea to think through the implications of working from home - maybe that's not ideal for you. Or maybe you need to map out some ways to make it work while sticking with healthier habits.

You've been so successful - you can and will get back on track. Good for you for reaching out here. Take advantage of all the support you can right now.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,013]

I agree with the therapy idea. My former church had a great grief counseling program that was very helpful. In addition to food issues you might want to consider grief counseling.

[mbrinmn 105]

Therapy can be helpful, but it sounds like adding that too your life right now would just add more stress. Since you work at home, stock up on healthy Snacks if you're eating more out of emotional distress than hunger. When you find yourself stressed and wanting to eat, do 50 sit ups and 50 push ups...or what you can handle. While you're doing that, remind yourself of why you got the sleeve in the first place; as a tool to help you change your lifestyle. It sounds like you had a good grip on that until all this stuff got in the way. Maybe put yourself back in time to when you got your sleeve, and for a while, eat like a newly sleeved person would. Keep reminding yourself how small your stomach really is and that you need to fill it with all the good stuff first...then if there's room, maybe just a tiny taste of the bad stuff. Protein shakes, broth, pureed foods; go back to the beginning and eat just in the amounts that you remember you could only eat just after surgery. Give yourself a little reboot. Don't let this upslide scare you. You've done it, gotten it out of your system, and now your ready to go back down to your goal weight again. You did it once!

Good luck and have faith in yourself.

[shewolf143 56]

^{Thank you for your suggestions & I think going back to the way I ate at the very beginning is a very good idea. I am going to try that. I know I can eat a lot more now than I could then so I must have stretched my stomach out some. I just have to care again-right now I feel like I don't care but I know I do. Thanks again!}

[Eclectick 129]

I am so sorry for your loss, I am completely compassionate about what your going through. Some people say "you don't have a clue how I feel" but I actually do..lemme tell you why? <-- should make you feel a little better.

February 2013 I had to have an emergency gallbladder operation, simple 1 day procedure you would think, but ended up getting aspiration pneumonia from the anesthesia which left me with 6 days the hospital. Wasn't planning that but had to use some of my vacation time from work. Then I found out I had Thyroid Cancer in October and had my Thyroid removed in November 2013, (no more cancer) then my boyfriends son and his girlfriend decided to do drugs and get caught so their 2 year old was brought to us temp. custody on Thanksgiving 2013...then my 24 year old son and his 2 dogs were brutally murdered during a burglary at his house...imagine loosing a child!!! then in March the druggy son of my boyfriend goes to court and tells the judge that his father is an alcoholic and is denying them court ordered visitations with their son to which is not true...they NEVER showed up and my boyfriend hardly ever drinks...but the judge took the child away from us and gave him back to the druggies <-- see how our justice system works?

Then to make matters even worse, when I finally had enough...it was time for me and I decided to do my homework and educate myself on the Gastric sleeve to wit I made my appointment with Surgeon at the end of May 2014 and found out my insurance will cover it...but also found out I am now a diabetic.

So..this surgery is the best choice I can make in my life..funny tho...if I have no appendix, Female parts (hysterectomy), gallbladder, thyroid and now soon to loose over half my stomach...why does God give them to us if we can survive without them?

Anyway...I hope that makes you feel a little better that we all have our trials and triumphs, one is no worse or better than the other..but to us..they are tragic. Just know that no matter where you are..someone is listening weather it's someone in your personal life or someone from this forum...your not alone. Keep your chin up...smile and get back on the program expeditiously and that in itself will make you feel so much better. I promise you!!

[mbrinmn 105]

Here's another suggestion. Watch the movie "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead." It's a documentary about how a man got his health and vitality back by juicing.

He has a program called a guided reboot. It's not a full juice fast, but incorporates juicing with other healthy eating. For $300, you get a weekly support group webinar, plus one on ones with a registered dietician. I'm doing it in January.

A nurse at the hospital who was caring for me after my sleeve surgery told me about the movie, so I watched one night before I was released. It was so eye opening.

Also, if you want to find out a little too much about why Americans have such unhealthy eating habits and obesity is rampant, watch "food Inc." Very, very insightful.

Both of these movies will make you want to change for your own health and well being.

[auntiemel 275]

I am 1 yr and 7 months post-op. I was within 15 lbs of goal weight when life threw me a curve ball. I lost my job in January 2014, found another one within 6 wks. Then, my mother passed away unexpectedly in May, on Mothers Day. I didn't care for my job so I started another new one in June. I have been struggling since. I work from home & can't seem to find my prior motivation. I have gained 15 lbs & I am scared to death! I keep eating all the wrongs things & I am resorting to my previous binge eating. HELP!!! Any suggestions?

I'm so sorry to hear about losing your mom! She wouldn't want you to worry about her as she is in a better place now! I know it is painful, and each day will get a tiny bit easier, but it takes time.

Go back to basics and remember why you had this surgery. Start eating your Protein and veggies again with a little fruit.

I work at home as well and will be going back soon, i never kept munchies at my desk before, and I will continue to keep my desk a food free zone besides my Water or tea.

You have already done this once! You will be able to do it again!

Please keep me posted on how you are doing ????

[shewolf143 56]

Thank you for sharing your stories, lending support & giving advice. I so appreciate it as I feel so alone. I stuck to it for 3 days & then went off of it again so finally I told myself to wait until Nov. 3. The project I was working on for my old employer would be done & I would have a lot more free time. Starting Monday, I will be back on it 100%, no excuses. We have a cruise coming up in Dec. & I want to at least lose what I have gained. I will now have time to exercise & focus on eating right. I don't like the way I feel right now: sluggish, yucky & depressed. I can do this & I will do this!

auntiemel-you are right-my mom would want me to excel at this & she is in a better place-a place where she is no longer in pain from her arthritis.

mbrinmn-I saw food Inc & Fork Over Knives & it really is an eye opener. Will look for the other one you suggested.

Eclectick-thank you for sharing your story-I am so sorry for your losses.

Inner Surf Girl-I have considered grief counseling as I am angry that my mom gave up so easily...still considering it.

thesuse2000-I think that is what I am going to do...as I mentioned...trying to do it while I had so much going on was just too much.

Thanks again everyone.

[thesuse2000 698]

Good for you! I'm a firm believer in waiting until you're really ready rather than trying to push yourself into changes before you're really mentally prepared. It helps avoid the inevitable failures that come from less than optimal starts. For example I waited a bit after surgery to start exercising. It just was a big mental hurdle for me and I needed to mentally process the eating changes first. But now I'm so excited about my new exercise regime! I waited until I was ready to think through the best approach, and it's working for me. Good for you for taking care of yourself and planning to work on this when you're able to focus on it. Try a few different things and see what works - you'll find solutions!

[Miss Mac 6,260]

Anger is a valid and recognized aspect of the grief process. It sounds like you loved your mother very much and miss her dearly. If it is any consolation, I would let you know that with my own experience with dibilitating pain (like when I had shingles) there were dark days when I just wanted to walk out in front of a truck - but that would not have been fair to the truck driver.

Inconsolable pain causes people to do things they normally wouldn't do, but for some, death is the most reasonable way out at the time. I do not know if someone can choose to die because something is painful, but I think that there is a lot we do not know about the human condition.

Getting over the loss of a loved one just takes time, but you also need to take some time for yourself. It sounds like you are faced with an overwhelming amount of work. I am glad there is light at the end of the tunnel for you. My boyfriend works for a rairoad, and from him I have learned that when a train goes off the track, it does not have to go back to its point of origin. It is repaired and put back onto the track where it went off. When you get to the point that you can regroup, take a deep breath and just start back where you left off. You already know what to do, and so are ahead of the game already. Many of us can relate to having a derail or two, so let us know how you do.

[Jersrose43 837]

I thought about that but I don't have the time right now as I am working a small project for my old employer on top of my regular job & it has to be done by the end of the month but may run over by a few days. I am very angry about my mom's death as she just gave up. She had fallen & broken her leg & they fixed it & she was to go to rehab but she didn't want to deal with the pain (she was 83). They sent her to rehab on May 9 & she was fine....she died on May 11.

I work at home as well and what I have found is we fall into working longer hours because of the benefit of being at home. So I suggest these:

1- call your insurance. See if they have a virtual resource for you to talk to. My employer offers EAP benefit.

I can call and talk to a health coach about anything. Currently talk to one weekly to handle stress. It's not a psychologist but it's better than nothing. They will call me anytime from 8am to 8pm

2- working at home is extremely stressful. Studies show that if you schedule a 30 minute break and take it that you are mentally eased and more productive. Do it.

3- i schedule a 15 minute meditation daily. Not the same time every day because it's impossible with other co worker schedules. But I look for 15 minutes 2 days in advance and refuse to cancel it.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.

People think working from home is a vacation but I've been doing it 5 years and am more stressed than I ever was going to an office. That ride home is so needed sometimes

[BeagleLover 1,020]

@@Eclectick, a few months ago, I found a scientific study that determined that, if you have had diabetes for around 4 years or less, it will likely go away completely without returning. I had diabetes for 4 years. My blood sugar went way down after only 2 days. Glad to give you some good news!