To Spank or not to Spank

[green 6]

thanks. its just like mine. and i am so happy she has it.

I thought that you were in the pic with your kids. They are too cute! I love this photo.

[babygrl1234 6]

Let me tell you my son is lucky he did not get spanked at the grocery store last night lol. I don't think my patience has ever been tested as much as it was last night. I spent my 25 minutes in line (with only 3 people in front of me mind you) rubbing my ears and saying woosaaa trying to calm down.

[JeninCO 0]

My dad used to give us a choice: A spanking or grounding.

I would almost always opt to be grounded. Usually this would happen in the summer, when everyone would go the pool.

My brother, being wise and forward thinking, would opt for the spanking. He would bend over, take his punishment and be out the door, mocking me as I wept from the lonely prison of my room .

[DerickM 1]

I myself was never spanked, instead while holding me in the air by the wrist of one arm (till my shoulder dislocated generally) my mother used a closed fist while using all of her power to hammer at my backside (generally hitting the region of my lower/middle back) That is not spanking.

[Devana 0]

Bloody hell, Derick! Some parents are just plain toxic.

[TracyK 3]

OMG....this is so amazing to me. There was a post on the pro-life vs. pro-choice thread....saying that abortion isn't murder. THEN on this thread she says she does not believe in spanking....

But, this is the best one...on another thread says she "does not like kids" and never plans on having any!! (you know who you are)

So, let me see if I have this right...you would murder and unborn child, but would never spank your child if you ever had one...

2+2=3 I guess...makes about as much sense.

The abortion issue aside...if you don't like kids and aren't planning on ever having any, why are you on such a high horse about how everyone else should raise theirs?

I thought I could never have children, and when I was 37 I found out I was pregnant. She is the light of my life.

Become a mom, live it day in and day out. Love that child more than you could ever love another human being on the face of the earth. Take care of that child, hold it while its crying, make it better when it gets a boo-boo, bathe it, feed it, change it, hug and kiss it....then we'll talk. Until then, I will do it MY way, a mothers way.

It is your decision not to have kids, so please spare us your opinion on a topic you obviously know nothing about!!

To everyone else, sorry if I sounded like a bit**, but this is a subject I am passionate about.

[green 6]

Though the small greens were never beaten physically, we were beaten up psychologically by our dad. He really knew how to damage tiny, fragile egos through his emotional violence. And he was capricious; you never knew what was going to set him off.

While he lay dying in a coma I was terrified that he was going to wake up in order to berate me about something I had done. I was 49 years old at the time. Go figure, eh. The next day he was dead. I believe that the parental-child relationship is the most powerful one that we will ever face.

[Debbydo 0]

If an adult cannot get their point across over right and wrong without physically assalting a child, then they have no right being a parent.

Who is the adult here.

You would think an adult would know how to speak to, reason with, make rules and guidelines without hitting.

This is what's wrong with our children!

Stop hitting and spoiling them and just plain love and guide them.

[green 6]

I am going to address my remarks to TracyK. I believe I know to which individual you are referring but this is entirely irrelevant to what I am about to say. Though you may feel that only those individuals who have had children or who want to have children have the right to weigh in on the topic of child rearing, specifically spanking your child, in fact all of us have passed through one half of the parent-child equation. We have all been children. (To tell the truth it is our experiences as children which likely inform our own decisions as to whether we will go ahead and undergo the experience of being the other half of the parent-child equation.)

It is because we have all been children that we all carry with us some notion of what a child should not be subjected to. This notion may be quite vivid and may be created out of the individual's own painful personal experiences from when he or she was a child. It is for this reason that I believe that all adults have the right to chime in with their theories on child rearing even when many of those expressed by the childless are endlessly annoying, based, as they are, on an utter lack of hands-on experience.

You have a child and obviously love her very much. This is a good thing for both you and for your child. But instead of becoming angry with an individual who recognises that she is not kid-friendly and thus has decided not to have any you should be pleased that there are women who acknowledge their deficits in this area and will avoid bringing life into this world. This is called responsibility, I think, and it, like loving parenting, is a good thing.

[gadgetlady 4]

I think what TracyK was objecting to is the reasoning that abortion is acceptable but spanking is not because it's "child abuse". Abortion is really the ultimate form of child abuse.

[gadgetlady 4]

I should add -- I think people who have experienced child abuse have a very reasonable and understandable objection to spanking. Child abuse is a horrible, horrible thing and I'm sure never leaves the psyche. Vehement reactions to anything resembling those childhood experiences (as different as reasoned, calm, disciplinary spanking is) are completely understandable.

[anonemouse 1]

I think what TracyK was objecting to is the reasoning that abortion is acceptable but spanking is not because it's "child abuse". Abortion is really the ultimate form of child abuse.

Since I assume that I am the member that TracyK is referring to, I'll chime in here. I believe abortion is acceptable because I don't believe a fetus is a child until it reaches reliable viability. Since a fetus is not a child, abortion isn't child abuse. And again, I don't necessarily think spanking is child abuse. Spanking, IMO, is fine. But there is a limit, beyond which spanking becomes abuse.

I don't think someone has to be a parent to see that. Sure, I can't tell someone what labor is like, but I can see and hear methods of child rearing that work or don't work. All badly-behaved children are not the products of households that refuse to spank. Believe me, from my own experience as a child, I saw lots of badly-behaved children that came from households that didn't exactly spare the rod.

But again, I don't necessarily think that spanking is an inappropriate method of discipline. I do think it should be used as a last resort, after all other methods have been tried and rejected, though, and I do think that there should be strict limits on when and how it is applied.

[TracyK 3]

Thanks gadgetlady....you get what I am saying. That is refreshing.

Green-I applaud someone for knowing what they want or what they don't want as in this case.

People seem to confuse good child rearing with assault. I happen to believe that these bleeding-heart parents that didn't spank their children when they needed it is the cause of so much disfunction in the world. So many younger people these days feel like everyone owes them something. There are too many spoiled kids...and guess what, they grow up to be spoiled brat adults.

I have been spanked 5 times in my life...I remember each one vividly and you know what? I deserved each one of them. I am glad that I was raised by parents that taught me values, taught me right from wrong and showed me that things weren't going to just be handed over to me. I strive to be like them. If more parents were like them we would not have the BS going on that we do. I appreciate your input Green, seriously. But lets not confuse spanking with abuse. I am not abused nor am I an abuser. I know that alot of folks had a very difficult childhood and my heart goes out to them. I can't really comment on that part because as I said I was very fortunate.

Kids these days run all over their parents, their teachers and even law enforcement. If they would have had a strong hand to guide them and teach them and even spank them when they needed it, I am sure it would be alot different.

Take care everyone-

[anonemouse 1]

I should also add that I think that consistency is the key to any discipline. Take my cousin's brat for example. (I call him a brat because he's a holy terror. Believe me, if you saw him, you'd call him a brat, too.) They (his parents and grandparents) tell him that he can't do something and punish him if he does it. The next time he does it, though, he is either allowed to do it or gets away with no punishment. Even a non-parent can see that is the reason the kid's a brat. They aren't at all consistent in their method of punishment. Inconsistency = badly-behaved children.

[anonemouse 1]

I should also add that in the above scenario, my cousin's family believes in spanking.