To Spank or not to Spank

[MzAngel 0]

This was touched on in another thread and I wondered what everyone's opinion's where on the matter.

I personally do spank my kids, if they've been really naughty or they have done something spank worthy. Then I see nothing wrong with a hand to the bottom.

So come on all, tell me your opinion's on this matter.

[susannah 2]

Hi Angel, Hope you are well with the new band.

I believe there is never a situation in which it is acceptable to strike a child. Hitting a child is an act of violence, end of story. Children's behaviour definately needs to be managed and guided but I believe we are adults and should be able to resolve issues in a manner which does not involve physical violence.

Susannah

[leatha_g 4]

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=32239&highlight=spank

This link will take you to a previous thread that approached this subject just recently.

[maudeispam 2]

I was spanked as a child and will spank my future children if needed. I remember when my teachers had wooden paddles and weren't afraid to use them. Now look at the problems teachers, parents and others have to deal with. People need to discipline their children whatever way works for them.

[wavydaby 1]

It depends on how it is used and how the child reacts to it.

If they react better to time outs or restriction type punshiments, do that

If they react better to spanking, do that. Most of the the time, the threat is all thats needed

[anonemouse 1]

It depends on how it is used and how the child reacts to it.

If they react better to time outs or restriction type punshiments, do that

If they react better to spanking, do that. Most of the the time, the threat is all thats needed

I agree with this. I also think that if it is used, it needs to be done when the parent is not angry. Spanking in anger can too easily get out of hand. If you are spanking hard enough to leave marks, you are going too far, IMO.

[Daisalana 33]

I am all for spanking. I was spanked, and it worked. It taught us humility! We all realize as we get older, it didn't hurt (in my family anyway), but we'd bawl our eyes out and stop whatever it was we were doing because we were emberassed.

I plan on spanking my kids if they're naughty. I've never known a kid (I'm not saying it doesn't work, just not seen it), that responded to the 'time out'.

[Daisalana 33]

Maudi- me too! I got paddled in school a couple times (in Elementary school).. one was on Thanksgiving lunch when your parents come to the school and eat t-day with you.. I went to a private Christian academy and they were mean!! Me and my friend were whispering during a test (in 1st grade).. I remember the test was about indians.. and she thought we were cheating. We both swore we weren't but, they didn't believe us. So me and my friend (who was a guy) were taken into a room, we were told to touch our toes (haha sign of my weight, I remember having a hard time doing this), and then we were paddled together. I was crying the rest of the day and they write letters home to the parents, so my mom had to come to turkey day with me crying and scared about the letter. Memmories.. I didn't talk during a test ever again in her class!!

[susannah 2]

Hey, I am pretty floored by some of these responses to be honest. If you were to strike another adult you could be facing assault charges. How is striking a child any different?

A child has limited ability to comprehend cause and effect in relation to their actions, and even if they do have an understanding of their actions they often have poor impulse control. This is directly related to the growth of the brain and their current stage of development.

We as adults need to allow for this and guide their behaviour in such a way as that we do set firm limits and guidelines, but we should never do anything to damage their self esteem.

As adults we should be able to keep our anger in check and develop strategies to be able to handle a child's behaviour.

As a child I was hit daily.It started off as being hit over trivial perceived infractions, to being brutally assaulted for months on end.

Spanking is a fluff word people. It is physical assault, and it will be outlawed. Make no mistake about it.

Susannah

[Chickie 15]

I am always amused by the parents in the playground smacking their kid on the bum saying "We do NOT hit!"

I don't smack, spank or otherwise beat my kid. I found talking worked really, really well. I am glad we never resorted to smacking, to be honest. I can only imagine trying to smack my 10 year old who is as tall as I am, and weighs almost as much.

[wavydaby 1]

I disagree that the occasional spaking is going to damage anyone's self esteem.

If you are spanking your child daily, you need to re-evaluate your approach. The same thing goes if you having to put your child in time out daily.

I use both punishments based on the "Crime"

Most of the time, I tell my kid once to stop what ever bad thing is being done and it is stopped.

[MzAngel 0]

I have found with my children that the threat of is generally enough. I usually try talking to them, and punishing them in other ways (taking toys away, naughty corner etc) first. If all else fails then i generally tell them if that dosn't stop you'll get a smack, 9 out of 10 times it stops, if not then they do get a smack on the bottom. My older child who is turning 9 hasn't been smacked in over 3 yrs, I'm now able to reason with him better, but the younger one who is 4 still does occasionally get smacked.

I do see a huge diffrence between smacking and hitting. To me smacking means one or two open palmed smacks to the bottom, hitting brings to mind fists going anywhere/everywhere and generally in anger. I definatley don't agree with hitting.

[Hazelbunny 0]

I spank my kids. I have not had to resort to spanking very often (and I have three kids) but when necessary I will smack their bottom.

These were my spanking rules.....I didn't spank before two because honestly they just wouldn't have gotten it - I used redirection. The spankings were hand to bottom only (no switches, paddles, etc like when I was a kid). My kids have survived and thrived.

I never spank my oldest child anymore because honestly it wasn't the best method of discipline for her. She responds more to talking, grounding, etc. My middle one is also rarely spanked (maybe five times in his whole life - he's 7) - he responds more to being removed from the fun. My young one on the other hand.....nothing worked but the tap on the bottom. She got her first tap and decided she did not like it at all. Even the threat of a spanking is enough to straighten her right up.

My job as a parent is to teach my children to be upstanding, happy adults who live their lives with integrity. I don't think a couple smacks on the bottom (that don't even hurt) are going to permanently damage their self-esteem or land them on a therapists couch in 20 years. Failing to discipline and guide my children, however, will have an enormous effect on their future. We all bitch about unruly children, children who think they are entitled to everything, children who are disrespectful - I think alot of those kids would be better served by a parent willing to enforce their own rules - even if that means an occasional spanking.

[maudeispam 2]

These were my spanking rules.....I didn't spank before two because honestly they just wouldn't have gotten it - I used redirection. The spankings were hand to bottom only (no switches, paddles, etc like when I was a kid). My kids have survived and thrived.

My job as a parent is to teach my children to be upstanding, happy adults who live their lives with integrity. I don't think a couple smacks on the bottom (that don't even hurt) are going to permanently damage their self-esteem or land them on a therapists couch in 20 years. Failing to discipline and guide my children, however, will have an enormous effect on their future. We all bitch about unruly children, children who think they are entitled to everything, children who are disrespectful - I think alot of those kids would be better served by a parent willing to enforce their own rules - even if that means an occasional spanking.

I like your system and totally agree. These parents who say spanking is wrong and will ruin the child's self esteem are full of it. Let's see where their kids end up as teens and adults.

[gadgetlady 4]

The intent of spanking, in our family, is to associate pain with the behavior. If your child touches a hot stove and gets burned, he/she associates pain with touching a hot stove and doesn't do it again. There is no natural pain stimulus with many unacceptable behaviors (ranging from lying to crossing the street alone) so we artificially create them in an effort to train or protect our children from doing things that will harm them in the future.

We also use an implement to spank, whenever possible. A flexible leather "stick" of sorts, something that causes a sting but doesn't cause a bruise or a welt, works well. We have tested the implement that we use on ourselves to make sure we're using the right amount of force. We prefer to use something other than our hands, which we prefer to use to convey more loving behaviors.

There is a difference between disciplining in love (without anger) and beating your children. If someone has to spank their child every day, there's a problem. If someone is spanking so much and so hard that the child is welting and bruising, there's a problem. If someone is wailing on their child when they're angry, there's a problem. Our children don't like to be spanked, but they accept it willingly when they know they deserve it.