Relationships and weightloss surgery

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

How common is it to have issues with relationships with weight loss surgery.

My husband has been very insecure lately. He has made comments about me leaving him. I find myself reassuring him constantly. does this go away with time? What can I do to help him with this?

Edited September 20, 2014 by jenn1

[James Marusek 5,244]

Have him attend your bariatric surgery support group meetings with you. Perhaps he might be interested in your exercise program. Try to include him in your activities.

[Corridor72 518]

It is very common for relationship issues to arise for people who have undergone such dramatic changes. My surgeon even asked me how things were going between me and my hubby once I started getting close to my goal. I was a little surprised but once he explained why he was asking, it made sense. He basically said that it was quite likely that my hubby had grown comfortable with the idea of me being heavy and that, now that I've lost so much weight, he's probably uncomfortable because he knows that I've always been beautiful but that he knows other people can see it now too. He said that regardless of whether I've changed any or not, the fact that my appearance has changed so much can be unnerving for my husband and that men tend to worry that we will leave when they perceive that we may be getting more attention from other men. He also said that he may be feeling left out because my lifestyle has changed and his hasn't. I spend my spare time running, exercising, and being active while my hubby still wants to sit at home on the couch and watch tv. I'm not willing to waste my days in front of the tv and he's not willing to join me and the kids in our active lives so we're struggling in our relationship right now. I'm not even sure what to do about it. I can handle the attention from other men. I know how to walk away and I know how to let them know I'm not interested. That's not a problem, at least it isn't for ME. I'm sure it still bothers the hubby but I can't fix that. I can only reassure him that my love and loyalty are for him and him alone. However, the fact that he flat out refuses to move off the couch and go do things with the rest of us IS an issue. He gets upset with me for leaving him home alone and expects me to stay at home and sit on the couch with him. I will NOT do that. I will NOT let any more of my life pass me by while I sit and watch it go. I WILL live my life to the fullest with OR without him. But right now, it's his choice and he chooses to stay on the couch :-(

[BeagleLover 1,020]

Can you put a stationary bike in front of the TV? OR, put weight equipment in the basement with a TV?

[Beni 1,484]

countrysweet,

Why do you think your husband doesn't want to join you? There must be a reason and he is not sharing it. Ask him, in a gentle non-confrontational manner. Tell him you are just trying to understand where he is coming from. I say this because I usually don't ask my husband "the why of things" very much but I have lately. I have been amazed at some of the answers. They are not at all what I expected. Is he exhausted, overwhelmed, uninterested in the actually activity you are doing or plain lazy? You see there maybe a way of getting him involved if you dig a little deeper. You may have to be clever.

Just a thought!

[PuraVida37 715]

I will NOT let any more of my life pass me by while I sit and watch it go.

This!!!!

This sums up WLS for me. This is why I chose LIFE. You stated it just perfectly.

[Corridor72 518]

@@Beni I have asked him many times and his answer is "I can't...." He thinks that he can't do the things that I do. I've tried reminding him that there was a time that I couldn't do those things either and that you have to start somewhere but honestly, he's really just not interested. He doesn't want to change his lifestyle. He enjoys laying around on the couch, watching tv, and stuffing his face. He has no desire to lead a healthier lifestyle and he doesn't want me to do it either.

[Beni 1,484]

I see. You can lead a horse to Water but you cannot make it drink