Happy to be really alive

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I had my band placed six months ago. Since then, I have lost somewhat over 90 pounds. I've changed the way I eat, and the way I look at life. I am so happy that the surgery was available to me. I don't know what I would've done if I had continued to live in the food. My life was miserable, and I was merely surviving.

Today, I look forward to getting outside to walk every day. I look forward to healthy food. I enjoy foods that I never would have looked twice at before. Hummus? Yes! Delicious! I never thought I would be able to turn away from fried food. But I find myself choosing healthy food over unhealthy food more and more each day.

I started the weight loss surgery process one year ago in September. One of the things that was heavy on my mind was what I had to give up. I remember being very sad on Thanksgiving thinking that I was not going to ever be able to indulge in greasy turkey skin again. Yes, I really was depressed about that. What I knew intellectually, but didn't feel in my heart yet, was that by the following Thanksgiving that would not matter. Yes, I knew it in my head. But I was still sad. I was starting a process that was going to leave behind all of my addictive behaviors.

I am not the perfect WLS patient. I still want to do things "my way". The difference is, many times now, I will simply follow directions. I still want to do it my way, but many times I am able to say, let's just try it their way.

I found myself in a food rut over the past month. I was consistently eating enough junky food that my weight-loss had stalled. My past patterns would have been to give up on myself. Slide back into disordered eating. Hide from everyone. Reach for the food over and over again.

Instead, I came here to these boards. I asked some questions. I got some advice. I tried something new. I ditched my scale for a week. I cleaned up my eating. I listened to my body. And maybe most importantly, I found help outside of these boards as well. I go to a few different support groups, not all for weight loss. I find that the phrase, "it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you" applies to me. I am able to look inside, and uncover some of the reasons why I reach for food.

Knowing why doesn't solve my problems. But knowing why, acknowledging that, and allowing it to be the truth, helps me to deal with it. If I can identify it, I can change it. Eating my problems away never ate my problems away. It only very temporarily masked my problems from my awareness. When I would come back out of my food coma, my problems were still there, sometimes worse, and I had self blame and shame to add on top of that.

Today, my recovery from disordered eating is twofold. I am addressing the underlying reasons for why I reach for food. I am also addressing the physical reality of my disordered eating by allowing the lap band to help me remain in control of my portions.

I don't think I could do one without the other and still have success. I am grateful that I don't have to.

For any newcomers here, know that there is hope. I am living proof. I have my life back after decades of simply hanging on.

[chip305 51]

Wow, good for you, you make me feel like there is hope. I knew there was but you just really put things in focus. Thank you

[motherof5 364]

Thanks for sharing your story with us today. Very encouraging.

[SandyM 1,956]

Way to go. That's what it's all about.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Wow! Another wonderful testimonial! This seems to be the day for positive reinforcement. Congratulations on all your success and insights into your challenges. Keep up the great work!!!

[endzone 55]

Yes thanks for sharing, I needed to hear that I am getting banded tomorrow morning and I am still "feeling" like I will miss all my old "food friends".....

[Leepers 1,195]

Been watching you, Just Watch Me, and you are doing fabulous! We can't just depend on our band to do the job. Our brain is probably a bigger enemy than our hunger. We have to work on it too. You're doing an awesome job of it.

[gowalking 10,790]

This is some journey we're on, right? I had so many food funerals before being banded that I well and truly made myself sick. I wish I could have told the morbidly obese me that walking away from the food is easy once we see how much better we look and feel. Great job my friend. So proud of you!

[Bandista 7,466]

@@endzone this is your big day! Congratulations on your surgery and all that lies ahead.

[Bandista 7,466]

Just Watch Me -- we are watching, alright! Watching you soar......

So happy for you, and so happy you're here.

[Redsfan19 38]

As someone considering whether to get surgery, I really appreciate this totally happy yet healthy look at your real and very human journey. Thank you for sharing with us!

[Julie norton 2,850]

Yes thanks for sharing, I needed to hear that I am getting banded tomorrow morning and I am still "feeling" like I will miss all my old "food friends".....

I think you are on to something end zone. There is some sort of mourning the loss of your coping Mechanism. we are going thru this because most of us couldn't self control (for years) and I think it feels like you are losing some control or power. Does that make sense?