Is it me, or is it them?

[SandeeD 363]

I feel like the people around me are acting funny towards me now. No major changes, just slight things that make me question, "Have I changed other than the weight loss?" I feel like I'm getting my mojo back, feeling better about myself, but isn't that a good thing? Now I feel like I have to filter myself and I don't bring up the weight loss or anything related to it unless the other person mentions it, and even then I try not to make it the focus of the conversation. I think that when we go through this process, it forces people to look at themselves and think about making changes. Anybody feeling me on this one?

[fezik23 240]

I think I understand what you're saying. And I think for me, even though I'm only two months out, it's both. I've changed, and people have their own "stuff" in how they react to me. I have only lost 30 lb, but I feel differently about myself, and that comes across, I'm sure. I'm more outspoken and not such a people pleaser as I used to be. Plus, there are those people who "don't believe in" wls (as if it were a fairy or ghost or something). So they react differently because of their own baggage.

[Dr-Patient 830]

You do feel differently about yourself. You move and act differently--consciously, or unconsciously. To some, that may be uncomfortable beause they've know you as you were before.

But also, be mindful and see if you aren't coming off cocky, or making the conversation only about you and how fine you are now :-).

A friend of mine had the bypass, dropped 100 pounds [and he looks good in the pic he/his wife sent me]; but he's gotten soooo cocky. We've been friends for 30 years and talk a lot (his wife knows it's purely brotherly/sisterly). But he told me that he went to work the other day and walked in and told his female coworkers, ''Eye candy is here!" LOL. He's said that, in recent months, they've told him they liked him better before because he was more humble. Now he's "annoying," and doesn't even say "good morning." He starts out with something about him. (He has gotten very cocky, and even I have had to often say when we're talking, "uh...can we talk about something other than you!!?")

For a while I sent some pictures of the new me to some friends (some of whom I met at a fat farm--the Duke Diet & Fitness Center). They are truly happy for me. But, in sensitivity to them, I won't send anymore pics any time soon, because I know how they struggle with, and are pained by, their weight. Some have even asked for an update, but I've said "I don't want to talk about that now. I'm doing well. Now..how's your... [...dog, kids, crazy cousin, etc]"

You're doing the right thing if you're not bringing up your surgery and your weight loss etc, at all conversations. There are other things to talk about. What's going on in their lives? [imho]

[par1959 470]

It’s funny how much people notice the weight loss and want to encourage us. Many people are not comfortable with the added attention , I have learned to enjoy it. Remember you are still the same wonderful person you have always been.I find it funny you used the word Mojo. The word Libedo better describes me. Damn, I feel like a 20 year old at 54. Its beginning to create problems on the home front. Now I know why there is a high divorce rate assosiated with this surgery.

Edited August 21, 2014 by par1959

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

You are undoubtedly more confident and that is probably showing in ways that you don't realize. I have funny little things that are showing up that I've had to have pointed out to me because I hadn't noticed. For example, I walk really fast now. Once I had my knee surgery (5 months after my sleeve), 7 years of knee pain has disappeared. I'm unstoppable! I even hiked 5 miles this weekend. Not something I would have done pre-sleeve, due to my weight and my bad knee.

I will say though, I work with someone who I've had to ask to stop greeting me by saying "Good morning, Skinny!" She did it again last week and it really ticked me off. I weigh 260 pounds, and am in no way "skinny." Plus it makes me really uncomfortable. I mean, I walk into my surgeon's office and I'm sure the people in the waiting room assume I'm pre-op because I'm so big. It's just that my weight loss is super noticeable to those I've known for a while, and she can't seem to help herself. She thinks it's a compliment. I've explained to her that it makes me feel uncomfortable, but she just seems to have verbal diarrhea and says it anyway. I should probably clarify that almost no one at work knows about my surgery, so my change is probably a mystery to them (and I really hope to keep it that way!) Anyway, I just go with it and try to control what I can, but I realize I can't control everything. Just another part of this crazy journey!

Edited August 20, 2014 by Shells_Almost_There

[blondebomb 580]

I feel like the people around me are acting funny towards me now. No major changes, just slight things that make me question, "Have I changed other than the weight loss?" I feel like I'm getting my mojo back, feeling better about myself, but isn't that a good thing? Now I feel like I have to filter myself and I don't bring up the weight loss or anything related to it unless the other person mentions it, and even then I try not to make it the focus of the conversation. I think that when we go through this process, it forces people to look at themselves and think about making changes. Anybody feeling me on this one?

Exactly! Don't feel bad..keep head held high! Its not u it's them. I'm like u I don't make this a topic of conversation. In fact the last person who asked me something I just said I have adopted a very strict routine, an I'm done with the conversation an talk about something else. The majority of my friends no I have lupus an fibro so it kinda goes hand in hand..I told my parents my surgeon went in an cut off the bad part of tummy an fixed my hernia. .I really don't care about everyone else thinks. I do have a girlfriend who is over 300 pds if she says something I'm just going to tell her I refused to be that way the rest of my life. She plays a victims role an is miserable an her hubbys prbly close to 300 himself he likes his food to well..he has kept her big bc he doesn't want her changing either...they supposedly eat a low carb diet..uuhh it's not working..luv them to death but not me anymore. My highest weight was 259...never again! You say what u need to say n move on..that's my plan..

[BitterSweet* 835]

I totally agree with @Dr-Patient. People can and will be happy for you but it can become like a first time pregnant mom can be - talking about baby stuff day in and day out and nothing else seems pertinent anymore. That doesn't sound like what you're doing, but others may perceive it that way and why you are sensing slight changes.

[Forsythia 882]

I specifically do not bring up my weight loss unless someone does first. I'm actually a bit uncomfortable talking about it. I've always been outgoing and sassy with a touch of diva, and that hasn't changed. I think because my perception of me hasn't changed even as the scale has gone down, I don't feel that I have changed. There is definitely a bit of body dysmorphia there that needs to be addressed.

[TrailriderJulia 39]

I agree, I am almost uncomfortable when people make my weight loss an issue . Like I have explain myself ....

[blondebomb 580]

I agree, I am almost uncomfortable when people make my weight loss an issue . Like I have explain myself ....

I no wat u mean! I've done decided I'm not explaining myself...I don't bring it up..

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I have a good friend who was one of the handful of people who knew about the surgery. She had only met me at my highest weight, and we became close in the months leading up to my surgery. Since then, she talks about how I have changed…when she sees me perform or speak in public, etc. But the funny thing is that I have always done those things, regardless of weight. So, she has this impression that I now have the confidence to do things that I wouldn't have done before, when again, these things have always been a part of my life and she wasn't in my life before to see them. It is true that I have more body confidence, I guess. But I've always had some confidence, however misplaced it may have been!

I think people want/expect the story, you know? People want you to say, "I have lost 70 pounds and now, things are SO MUCH BETTER." I'm not taking away from the people who really come out of their shells or act out; I know they exist too. But I really see things as more, "I really enjoy being able to tuck my shirt in; I felt sharp today." Not, "My entire life has changed!"

[Healthy_life2 8,322]

My attitude and confidence have changed with weight loss. People respond to my changes in mostly positive ways. I'm not comfortable with people talking about my weight loss. I feel the need to justify it somehow.

You are far more than numbers on a scale. With the other changes in your life people are responding to you differently. Celebrate these moments!

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

Following up on my earlier comment, I wanted to share what happened yesterday afternoon at work - a perfect example of feeling like a complete idiot - yet the person's intentions were undoubtedly good!

I happened to be wearing this pair of black jeans that seem to make my weight loss more accentuated. I walked into the deli downstairs and a gal I've known casually for a few years stares at me for a couple of heartbeats then yells really loudly "Oh my god you look amazing!" Thank god there were only about 6 people in the deli because I was so embarrassed. The other 3 women at the gal's table all turned to stare and look me up and down. I didn't know any of them, so I bet they were wondering "what the hell is she talking about?" I mean I am still a very large person - they don't know the change I have gone through, even if I'm still so big. It was one of those moments where I wanted to just have the floor open up and swallow me. Instead I just smiled and said "thanks I've been working out a lot." Sheesh.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

What passes for acceptable behavior in public society these days ... has changed.

(I am now officially an old fart.)