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Husband says No to me having surgery!



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I am 49 years old. I have struggle with my weight since my twins were born 24 yrs ago. My husband didn't want me to do it but I did. My point was I struggle for 24 yrs. I needed a game changer. I have lost about 70 lbs so far. If I could have maintained with diet and exercise, I would have already done it. I made the decision to do it for me. My husband has been supportive since I came home. I think yours will be too.

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My husband was against it too. I told him I was 48yrs old and could make my own decisions. I told him I had researched it and true there are risks but I was getting fatter and fatter and didn't want to be diabetic or have high blood pressure or any of the other obesity related diseases. I told him I had felt bad enough about myself for a long time and I was finally taking charge of my life and he could either come with me to Mexico to have the surgery or he could stay home but either way I was going. He chose to come with. I did it and I haven't looked back. I had the procedure on May 16th and have lost 28lbs so far. I know people who have lost more and some who have lost less. I think I'm average. But I'm losing and feel great. It was hard at first and it's not a quick fix by any means, but as long as we presevere we can do it!

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My husband was against it too. I told him I was 48yrs old and could make my own decisions. I told him I had researched it and true there are risks but I was getting fatter and fatter and didn't want to be diabetic or have high blood pressure or any of the other obesity related diseases. I told him I had felt bad enough about myself for a long time and I was finally taking charge of my life and he could either come with me to Mexico to have the surgery or he could stay home but either way I was going. He chose to come with. I did it and I haven't looked back. I had the procedure on May 16th and have lost 28lbs so far. I know people who have lost more and some who have lost less. I think I'm average. But I'm losing and feel great. It was hard at first and it's not a quick fix by any means, but as long as we presevere we can do it!

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My husband was a little iffy about it but fully supports my decision to do it. He is overweight also and he jokes that he wants me to guinea pig it first. Needless to say he has attended all the support groups with me and has decided to have the surgery a few months after me. We have two little ones at home so we both can't be out of commission at the same time.

I agree with another poster who said to turn the tables on your husband a little bit. Tell him you have made the decision to do this to better your health so that you can be around a lot longer and you'd like him to get on board. Tell him if he objects to it so strongly, you want him to research it on his own and come to you with his informed opinion and then you two can have a conversation about it. I personally didn't start to feel better about it until I really dove into researching VSG and it didn't hurt that I have two friends who went through it already.

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The doctor talk can be intense. The surgeon has to make sure your ready for the diet restrictions needed after to make sure your safe. That you understand the risk. It can be a scary conversation. My husband was freaked out but just about the surgery. My surgeons success rate is pretty high. It personal too. You know whether it will be successful for you. I needed the restriction and knew I could handle it. My daughter freaked out the most. She didn't want me to do it. Right before surgery she admitted she was worried I would be skinny and she wouldn't. She came around. After surgery she was my biggest supporter and critic. Six months later everything's good. The success rate for me is my choice. If I eat wrong it won't work. But it's not like gambling it's a choice everyday that I control with the help of my sleeve.

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My date is set for October 6th, I'm all prepared, I'm educated, I'm committed, I had the support of everyone including my husband after explaining the procedure! Then I took my husband to the "doctor talk" yesterday and he now feels this surgery is not for me. Talk about feeling like having the rug pulled out from under me! He's stuck on the 60% success rate figure, he feels it's too invasisve, and that it's too much work. He wants me to go back to the gym and weight watchers instead. While I know the surgery is NOT an easy fix, I feel it's the right tool for me after years of struggling with weight. We are having healthy discussions about this. We have the most loving and wonderful relationship so I see his concerns. Now I need to advice on how to combat his concerns. I've struggled with my weight for 30 years, up and down, never getting lower than 170. I was successful with Weight Watchers and working out, that got me to the 170 (from 252)....but it took forever! Now I'm back at 200 and after years of trying every diet out there, I was hoping this was the final tool which could get me to the thin place I want to be. I want to be healthier, do things with my husband into our later years (I"m 54 now), and it seems my weight is what holds me back. I do not have self esteem issues, I dress well and present myself well, I just know being thinner is healthier and I want this more than ever! Does anyone have any advice for me on how to go about presenting my case? I plan on setting up another appointment with the doctor as a one on one, in hopes that he can be further educated. Thoughts anyone?

My husband also was against my decision, I had brought him to a seminar and planned on the band! After consultation with surgeon changed my mind to sleeve, that made him very anxious and against surgery . So I was determined to follow through and after almost 6 months of waiting for an approval from insurance he is coming to terms with it and even going with me to my final visit with surgeon tomorrow, I think he felt I could do it on my own,but I'm sooooo tired of this battle of up and down and I'm ready! I'm so glad In a way to see this post it really helps me not to feel alone! Positive thoughts and wishes for you all! :)

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    • LeighaTR

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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