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Denial and Self Awareness

Thin 2 Win

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Thin 2 Win    1

Thin 2 Win
Posted

Hello, I am in the process of meeting my ins requirements for the Sleeve procedure. Many unexpected feelings have emerged that I didn't expect and I wondered if anyone else has experienced the same thing.

I have come to the realization than I am not just overweight but fat. I have long lived in a place where I never fully allowed myself to see me how others see me. Going through this process has forced me to admit just where I am with my weight and the reality of being obese. Now that I have come to accept these realizations, I find that I am having very negative self talk and I hate the way I look. I guess before I just lived in lala land and chose to not see reality but now that I have, I am disgusted.

I am in the first month of a six month weight management class and because I am right at the 40bmi I am afraid to lose any weight. This is making me feel even more depressed cause I just hate how I look.

Thank you all for contributing to this great forum. I have read hundreds of these threads to gather information and feel so thankful there is somewhere to turn.

T

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sweetie716    270

sweetie716
Posted

Hey T2W! I totally get what you mean. I think I do the same thing, where I see something better than what other people see. Once in a while I get a glimpse of reality and I feel like crap about my body.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, but I'm kind of glad (?) or maybe thankful that I don't stay down on myself for long. I'm coming up to my 4th pre-op appointment, and I've been making really great strides in both how I eat and how much activity I'm getting in each day. I see little changes in my body and feel happy and I love feeling stronger when I get my exercise in. I had a down/depressing body day just several days ago, and I could see it reflected in my MFP food log (thankfully not too bad)- the thing that got me there was taking "before" photos and seeing that reality, lol.

Maybe seeing ourselves kindly is not the worst thing in the world, because I know I do better in more ways than one when I can just not worry myself over it. I am where I am now, and I'm on the right path to improve the situation. I just hope I can really and truly feel great about my body when I do get there :)

I hope that you will feel better soon!

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Go To Topic Listing Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums

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    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • KimBaxleyWilson

      KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • bellaamey

      bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.

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