My "out to eat" experience - two weeks post op

[NewBeginning2014 45]

I am just over two weeks post op. Last night we went out to run some errands and stopped at the mall. Anyway, he and I go our separate ways for a while to do our own thing. I did some "window" shopping but didn't buy anything. (I'm reserving that shopping high for when I can actually try on clothes in a regular size and feel they look good enough on my new body to buy.) He goes off to buy some video series.

When we meet back up he says he has already taken his stuff to the car. We walk out of the mall to the car and I open the door and am overcome by the smell of fresh Cinnabons! Are you kidding me??? I don't say a word. (I was thinking "what a jerk" but didn't say it.)

He chooses Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Okay, I haven't eaten out for a while...I think I will have some Soup and be fine. We are seated, he orders a margarita- I order Water with two lemons. All is good. He inhales most of the bread basket before the waitress comes back for our order. I ask for the Soups and guess what? They don't have soup. Again, are you kidding me??? He proceeds to order the largest steak on the menu with mushrooms and onions, a sweet potato with brown sugar and marshmallow and corn.

I say it's okay and say I will just have my water. I tell the waitress I can only have liquids -not that I needed to give any reason for not ordering anything after her no soup answer but she looked perplexed by my decision to not order anything. She is so apologetic about the no soup thing. I play games on my phone and text a fellow sleever (thanks for your support Aubwise and listening to my vent!) about the situation while he eats his meal, all while I am enjoying my water. The funny thing is, I wasn't even interested or tempted by the situation. I was somewhat 'hungry' since I hadn't had anything but water since after work, so after we left I stopped by Red Robin and picked up a bowl of chicken tortilla soup to go (which they strained for me - thank you Red Robin!) When we got home I had had my soup and was truly satisfied.

This morning he proceeds to make coffee (which I have not had since before my sleeve) and starts in on his dozen Cinnabons (which will be gone by tomorrow night) and I go for a two plus mile walk.

I feel so much better after that walk than I remember feeling after a morning of coffee and Cinnabons on Saturdays past. The surgery is definitely a tool but we ultimately have the final decision on how to incorporate that tool into our lives to make ourselves the best we can be.

I learned a few things last night...Call, ask or lookup restaurant menus ahead of time. Everyone has to make their own decisions. Having support from someone who understands where you are coming from, even if just to vent, helps tremendously. My choices cannot be influenced by circumstance or the choices of others. I am stronger than I ever thought. And most of all - I will succeed!

[Harley59 67]

WOW - I think I use to married to that guy!! I am sorry but congratulate you on doing so well. I just want to say one thing. You are pushing down your emotions and thoughts. I think for myself, that is why I over ate. I swallowed my emotions and thoughts with food, rather then to speak and release them. You had every right to expect support. I don't ask my man to change his eating but he is aware and is supportive. He asks would it bother you if ......? and the freedom to say no problem or ...it can wait, I am a little head hungry, it will pass, let me have a Protein shake, his response is - no problem. This is a very hard journey. We have had major surgery, our hormones have changed, our brain is struggling to figure out what to do, we are living without caffeine and some of our lifetime comfort foods and ways. It's hard and we need supportive loving people in our lives. Again CONGRATULATIONS on a job well done and I am glad we have this group. Hope this helps you.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

find yourself a good counselor. you need some serious support.

[NewBeginning2014 45]

Thanks Harley59! I agree - I do think I should get some support from him. He is/was the only person I discussed my surgery decision with - and was totally against it. He has some insecurity issues said my decision for surgery was for vanity reasons. (We were obviously on two different ends of the spectrum on that issue.)

I have made the decision that I need to work on me, to be the best me I can be and stop putting everyone else first. I feel good about my decision and know it will be challenging to change years of bad habits, but I am ready for it.

Thank God for this forum...it is nice to read so many posts and relate to so many situations, to get information and support!!

[millergirl314 168]

Way to be strong minded after only two weeks!

[yolicious1 64]

Why would he do that? He could have offered to go someplace where you both could enjoy a meal. I commend you. I would have taken the car and gone someplace else. The cinnabons may have been left in the parking space. But I digress. You evidently are stronger than you know! Kuddos to you and your strength for purpose. You have already succeeded!

[mi75 1,241]

it's tough because even though most of us have support of our spouses, we are still doing this alone...

my hubs is awesome and super supportive, but i know that it is ME having the surgery, and i expect him to still want his food. AND POP.

i have asked him to consider my needs the first month post-op and if he has a hankering for something like his fave takeout or a pop, to just go have it on his lunch without me, or out to dinner with one of our kids, and i will stay home.

eventually i will have to face going out and such, but once i'm on foods again it will be easier.

best of luck!

[Harley59 67]

one more thought - he could be very afraid, that you will lose the weight and then leave him or the relationship will change. We all look forward to our new bodies but it can be threatening to those around us.

[NewBeginning2014 45]

He is pretty inconsiderate. this is just an example of his behavior. It was kind of like an eye rolling situation, but as time goes on there comes a point you just can't put everyone else ahead of yourself. Thus the plan: NewBeginning2014. The year I put myself first...in all aspects. I like the idea of leaving the cinnabons in the parking space!! That would have been too funny!

Why would he do that? He could have offered to go someplace where you both could enjoy a meal. I commend you. I would have taken the car and gone someplace else. The cinnabons may have been left in the parking space. But I digress. You evidently are stronger than you know! Kuddos to you and your strength for purpose. You have already succeeded!

[NewBeginning2014 45]

Yes, it is like we are doing this alone. Unless you have been through the same experience, it is very hard to understand all of the components entailed in this journey (and life long struggles prior to surgery.)

Sounds like you and your husband have a good understanding of your situation for the first month post op. Thanks for your comment, its nice to hear others input. Good luck to you too!!

it's tough because even though most of us have support of our spouses, we are still doing this alone...

my hubs is awesome and super supportive, but i know that it is ME having the surgery, and i expect him to still want his food. AND POP.

i have asked him to consider my needs the first month post-op and if he has a hankering for something like his fave takeout or a pop, to just go have it on his lunch without me, or out to dinner with one of our kids, and i will stay home.

eventually i will have to face going out and such, but once i'm on foods again it will be easier.

best of luck!

[NewBeginning2014 45]

I think you are correct with that thought. He made a comment because I brushed my hair before leaving to meet with one of my longtime girlfriends...insecurity and drama I do not need and will no longer overlook nor accept.

Although, the weight loss would not be the reason for the relationship change. He knows this relationship has been one of convenience for the last few years. Now that I have decided to take care of myself (and make serious changes not only relating to my health but several other aspects of my life) and when the time comes, he will use the weight loss as the reason for the breakup and not look at the laundry list of issues that existed before I even contemplated surgery.

I need to focus on myself and not worry about the other needless scenarios that come up. Life is too short to not make the absolute best of it! I am just happy I have the inner strength to make changes I need to make me a better me, all the way around!

one more thought - he could be very afraid, that you will lose the weight and then leave him or the relationship will change. We all look forward to our new bodies but it can be threatening to those around us.