Hey guys. I have two more months to go until my band and I can't wait. I'm having a SERIOUS issue with my mother about the band. When I initially told my family and my boyfriend, everyone was naturally voicing a lot of concern about complications, etc. My boyfriend finally calmed down after a week or so and said he'd support this decision because he saw how important it was to me. My mother on the other hand has not stopped making "digs" at me for the past few months. Now I wish I'd waited until two days before the surgery to tell her. At first she just kept making it sound like she was just concerned about complications and the fact that I'm a self pay so any complications would be extra $$ I'd have to spend. Now she's making comments to make me feel like I'm taking the "easy" way out and it's REALLY starting to make me sad and hurt. My mom of all people should understand why I'm doing this. I'm six foot one, and I'm at about 280, so I easily need to lose just over a hundred pounds. She's five foot eight, and she's always been on diets, etc. She's the heaviest she's ever been in her life right now, she needs to lose about 40 pounds. What do I say to her to make her stop making these hurtful remarks? I was over there for Easter Sunday and while we were in the livingroom a commercial came on for the band and she said "yeah that's the EASY way out". I started to argue with her and decided to ignore it. I don't want to avoid going over to see her, but I can't take this anymore. My little sister (who by the way is skinny and gorgeous) thinks mom actually might be a little jealous that I'm brave enought to do the band. Mom would never do something like that, she's too scared of surgery and things of that nature. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Your mother is most DEFINITELY jealous. This is not about you at all. This is an insecurity on her part. Ever heard of Misery Loves Company??? You have been your Mom's company in obesity. She is losing that and she is PISSED because there is nothing more aggravating than losing your "partners in crime" and being left in the proverbial dust while everyone else is proactive in their own lives. You have NOTHING to explain or justify to her, or anyone else for that matter. You can simply say that she is welcome to have her own beliefs on this but you are doing what YOU feel is in YOUR best interest and is right for YOU. AND you need all the support and encouragement you can get right now and in the future and you intend to surround yourself with those people a with positive outlook and you hope SHE can be one of them. But if she can't then she will have to understand why you may keep your distance for a time.

When she says its the easy way.....just say I am trying to avoid an early death. You want me to live longer right??? If you put in in those terms how can she disagree.

Good luck and PRESS ON....

It almost sounds like your mom is more concerned with herself than your health... Who would she have to nag if you were to die suddenly because you went her way of not doing this... You're doing the right thing for you...

I'm there with you... I'm 39, 5'11" and weigh 324... I have a great confidence about myself but I want to be healthy for myself, my kids & my hubby... My mom died back in 2001 at 58 yrs old weighing over 400 lbs and had all the complications that come with being that heavy... If she were here she would totally support what I'm doing...

Once you get to the size we are "normal" ways of losing weight don't work as well because of our limitations with the weight... Once the banding is done and you start dropping weight, you still have to workout to get your muscles toned and skin back where it belongs... Banding is not the "easy" way out because of all the tests and prep we have to do to even get scheduled for surgery and what we have to do after to keep the weight off...

Your mom needs to back off or you need to just ignore her comments... What your mother doesn't give you in support you need to get from yourself and the positive people around you... Good Luck

It almost sounds like your mom is more concerned with herself than your health... Who would she have to nag if you were to die suddenly because you went her way of not doing this... You're doing the right thing for you...

I'm there with you... I'm 39, 5'11" and weigh 324... I have a great confidence about myself but I want to be healthy for myself, my kids & my hubby... My mom died back in 2001 at 58 yrs old weighing over 400 lbs and had all the complications that come with being that heavy... If she were here she would totally support what I'm doing...

Once you get to the size we are "normal" ways of losing weight don't work as well because of our limitations with the weight... Once the banding is done and you start dropping weight, you still have to workout to get your muscles toned and skin back where it belongs... Banding is not the "easy" way out because of all the tests and prep we have to do to even get scheduled for surgery and what we have to do after to keep the weight off...

Your mom needs to back off or you need to just ignore her comments... What your mother doesn't give you in support you need to get from yourself and the positive people around you... Good Luck

Great advice.

I would frankly just look at her and say "well you can think what you want but at least I'm taking steps to do something about my health - what are you doing?" She's probably jealous that you've made this decision. This will make it easier for you to control your weight, but its not the easy way out. I used to think that way too. I was always physically and mentally capable of keeping myself in tune. Then karma bit me in the butt and now I can't. I would never say anything to anyone about it being the easy way out - I would always be supportive of anyone trying to better their lives - as long as it was a healthy decision - which this is. But in all the medical issues that hit me like a ton of bricks, I've realized that, just because I could do something, doesn't mean others could. Hell, I can't do a lot of things that others can. And just because when I did something and it worked for me, when others tried it and it didn't work for them didn't mean they weren't trying as hard as I was - in fact, a lot of times, people were trying harder - they just didn't get my results. I liken it to when I was in school. I worked so very hard in chemistry - harder than anyone - but I still didn't get the grades others did. Its no different.

I get very tired of people making rude remarks about anything that revolves around someone's abilities. You're not being lazy. Sure, some people are lazy. Some people don't try. I have a sister in law that sits around all day eating nothing but junk food and complains that she's getting fat and its not fair. Well freaking DUH woman! She doesn't work, her house is a pig stye, her kids are unkempt, she literally is the stereotype that sits on her butt all day and eats bonbons (really - I didn't know anyone actually ate those things) and watches tv. The most exercise she gets is getting into her car to go get McDonald's. She has decided that she's (and these are her words) "going to get fat now so she can have the fat surgery so she won't have to worry about getting fat later in life" - can you believe that???

Sometimes a person will think banding is the easy way out because they have no idea of the work and sacrifices required to lose weight with the band. Before I had surgery, I researched different kinds of surgery - pros and cons. I wanted to make sure I wasn't just "taking the easy way out". I tried one last diet, then another, and we all know how that is. If we could have lost the weight with diet and exercise, we would have done it!

I have a friend that said her cousin took the easy way out, and if she had the money, she could take the easy way out too! Needless to say, I did not tell this friend that I was banded.

Other times, if your friends are overweight too, they don't like that they're going to be the heaviest one. I've only told my husband, kids and sister about my surgery and it's made life so much easier. And when I hear remarks about how easy weight loss surgery is when I'm around those that don't know I've had surgery, I just ignore it - not worth the stress and energy to get upset about it.

I err on the direct side, so I would say something like "Mom, you're really irritating me, shut up."

As for "the easy way out" - lots of stuff:

1. Ok, for the sake of argument let's say it is "easy." Who cares? Who determined that weightloss had to be earned the HARD way? What, is it weightloss suddenly invalid because you had WLS? As long as you lose weight and gain health, does HOW matter? I've NEVER NEVER NEVER understood this mentality. But I can tell you that 99.99999999% of the time it's made out of jealousy and could probably translate to something like, "I need to lose weight but don't have the balls/money/whatever for WLS."

2. Anyone who has walked a day with the band knows there's nothing easy about it. I would love for someone to follow me as the esopohgeal spasms have me doubled over, groaning out loud, and I have to keep a wad of papertowels to help catch the flood of slime. Look at the behaviors we have to change: how we chew, bite size, swallowing, portion control, etc. We have to be continuously aware of what we're doing and what our bodies are telling us. Changing behaviors IS easy, but someone who isn't changing theirs cannot say that yours are "easy."

My mom's first two reactions when I told her I was thinking abotu doing this (she was already familiar with the proceduer and knew people who had it):

1. Oh, so you're not going to just try another diet?

To which I replied, "What good have diets ever done?"

2. I'm going to be jealous if you lose a lot of weight.

She came around, and is trying to get one herself now.

:

1. Ok, for the sake of argument let's say it is "easy." Who cares?

Preach on! This is SO true! Isn't that what life is all about? Finding better ways to do things! Sometimes the easier way IS better! I'd rather drive smooth sailing on the turnpike than bumper to bumper on the freeway and get home in 30 minutes instead of an hour and a half!! Is that taking "the easy way"? Yup! And I'm thought to be smart because of it! So I spend a couple bucks a day taking the toll road - who cares? Its my money and I'm getting things done more efficiently so I can get on with the rest of my life!

Next time this person says something to you about it being the easy way, make the same comment about them when they're using a microwave, dishwasher, washing machine, heck CAR to do the daily things they need to do. cooking, dishes, laundry and transportation can all be done manually - but they're doing it the "easy way"!

After reading some of the posts here I have realized how very blessed I am to have such a supportive family! My parents actually loaned me the money to have my band (3 days ago in Mexico) and my mom went with me. My mom has been overweight for as long as I can remember, but instead of her being snotty or jealous about my decision, she has been so supportive, I think because she understands the pain I have had for so long being heavy. I am the oldest of 4, and my 3 younger brothers and SIL (who are all in good shape, one a marathon runner) have been great about it. The few friends I have told have been totally supportive.

And as for the easy way out...I'm only 3 days into this journey, but there has been nothing easy about it. Eating cheeseburgers is easy...NOT eating them is DAMN HARD!!!!!!!