I need some Support

September 17, 2004

Well I haven't posted her in a long time. Not since my 2nd surgery in april to fix my band after it had slipped and was causing horrible acid reflux. After the surgery I was really scared to get a fill. Seeing as how all of my problems came when I was overfilled. I decided to try the Atkins diet with my husband since I had no fill and could eat just about anything. I did okay losing 12 pounds in 3 weeks but then I quit and started going back to my old eating habits. The sad thing is because of the atkins diet I gained weight faster than I thought possible. In 2 months time I gained 50 pounds back :mad: Im so discouraged and upset. Then I finally decided I have had enough and went last week to get my fill. The fill went well and I started with a 1.4 for starts not wanting to go overboard. That week I still felt I could eat too much so I scheduled another appointment this week and got another fill. The problem is that when they pulled back on the plunger to see how much was in there. There was only .3 Now the doctor thinks I might have a leak in my tubing. He put 1cc in there total and I notice a huge difference compared to when they said they gave me 1.4 cc's Im not sure if the 1st doctor missed or not. Needless to say. Im very upset at myself for gaining all this weight although I blame the atkins diet for making me gain it back so fast. My doctor said that happens to a lot of women who go off of atkins they gain weight super fast. I just joined weight watchers this last week with the hopes that It would help me lose and be responsible for making healthier choices. Im just so discouraged with my band because after all of this I was hoping to be skinny by now. I feel like I have failed. I have lost 9.8 pounds this last week on weight watchers but I sometimes wonder what I even need this band for then. Anyone have any encouraging words? Im pretty down in the dumps over this. After 2 surgeries to make this band work I've spent 64,000 and now I might have a defective tubing or a leak. NOW WHAT :eek:

Cindy

sassaay · September 17, 2004

Hi Cindy,

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. I know how frustrating it can be to go through 2 band surgeries and still not be where you think you should be... please try to remember that this is a journey and that means it will take some time and road will have its curves and bumps.

When I had my first band surgery, I use to fantasize about what things would be like when I lost all my weight. Now that I have had my 2nd surgery, I think I am being more realistic and although I told myself that my band was just a tool and not an easy way out... I don't think my mind was really on board. I am now trying to remember that it is only a tool and if I don't address the emotional reasons for why I overeat, my band is not going to help me reach my goals. It is too easy to eat around the band and even though I can no longer eat the volume of foods I did before banding, I can still eat enough to stay the same or worse yet... gain.

I think we make it more difficult when we beat ourselves up. I am not saying that we shouldn't try and that we should just give into our impulses... but I do believe that we have to give ourselves credit for having the strenghth to make such a major move and realize that the road won't always be smooth. We have to pick ourselves up, get the support we need and use our tool to the best of our abilities. Tomorrow is a new day and you can make it what you want it to be.

I hope you feel better and I also hope that there isn't a leak in your band.

Best wishes,

leatha_g · September 18, 2004

Cindy,

I too have been banded twice and got to have my gallbladder removed exactly 6 weeks after my second banding. I've lost 67lbs which is half of what some have lost who have been banded less time than me. I understand your frustration. I informed my doc yesterday that I had no patience for tubing leaks or port problems after all I've been through, so he better get it right if he's not using flouro. lol.

Don't give up. Maybe everything is okay if you can feel restriction now. But keep posting and reading for the support you need. You can lose it all again if you just meet the band halfway. Don't give up! You've come too far now.

Good luck!

Leatha

claraluz · September 18, 2004

I, too, am sorry you are feeling so discouraged. First, don't despair about the possible leak. The band is just very complex sometimes. During fill procedures I have found that whether or not they can withdraw all the Fluid they put in sometimes depends on my position. So if they have probelms, sometimes they will tell me to lay down or sit up and then they can withdraw the full amount.

I did have a leak, but now my surgeon uses a more viscous liquid in my band rather than saline and it doesn't leak out. I can't remember the name of the substance, but I can find out if you want me to.

Believe me, as far as re-gaining weight faster than you can blink an eye, I've been there, done that. I think any kind of dieting including Weight Watchers makes it much more likely that you will regain the weight because it messes with your metablolism. Sometimes I am tempted to go on a diet, but I resist the urge. I believe the band helps us to eat less and change our whole approach to food, something that I am definitely still working on. It doesn't come easy, but it does come.

Best of luck to you and remember you can come here for support anytime.

Nancy

donali · September 18, 2004

Hi Cindy -

I am afraid that you are finding out first hand that the band alone is not going to do all of the work. Dieting is not the answer. However, you are going to have to change your relationship with food. The band is only able to help with restriction of volume and dimming of hunger. The physical part is now taken care of. Now you need to take care of the mental/emotional part.

My suggestion is to find a counselor/therapist that specializes in compulsive overeating disorders. This person should be able to help you with your relationship with food, and help you break the vicious dieting circle.

Please bear in mind that "not dieting" and "eating mindfully" will at first seem like the same thing, but in reality there is a world of difference. For one thing, eating mindfully revolves around HEALTH, not weight. When your focus shifts to health instead of weight, somehow the choices seem easier - when you have permission to eat anything, but you're focused on health, what do you have? A healthful diet is full of satisfying foods, and has room for less healthy choices. A "diet" by its very nature has the connotation of restriction, which sets foods apart, and puts a judgemental quality on them - good/bad. So when you chose "bad" foods, you feel guilty, and your self-esteem plummets, which makes you feel worse, and then you get angry, and rebellious, and say hey, I'm so bad already, I'll just keep eating bad foods, because that's all I deserve anyway, I have the willpower of a gnat, blah, blah, blah. I dieted myself into a place where I told my counselor "I feel like a worthless waste of space." She asked me, "Can you see how feeling that way would be depressing?" lol Yeah, no wonder I was depressed!

Anyway, please seek help for the mental/emotional part of this. Obesity is a complex issue, and is rarely solved simply by adjusting the physical.

Wishing you all the best -