I said NO chocolates!

[Ree 215]

I swear, I feel like my husband is trying to sabotage me or something. I told him 2 days ago "whatever you do, don't get me chocolates. I can't have any. Don't forget". So what does he do? today he got me chocolates. I said "gee thanks but I can't eat them" and his response was "oh I forgot". Well that's why I reminded you just 2 days ago! UGH!! I have been with him since I was 15 years old (for 15 years now) and in the past he has always tried to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I don't give in to it or him anymore though. I get upset with him. I find myself yelling at him a lot now because it pisses me off that he does this to me. He'll say "you know what sounds good? McDonalds chicken nuggets" and I'll scream at him "YOU KNOW I CAN'T EAT THAT CRAP ANYMORE SO WHY DO YOU EVEN BRING IT UP"?? and he'll act like he forgot that I cant eat that stuff. Um hello I had the surgery 2 months ago, have you not seen what I have been eating in the last two months and how small my portions are? I really don't think he is forgetting. I feel like he does it on purpose and it pisses me off!

In other news, I went out and bought a pair of jeans that are way too small with the hopes that in the near future I'll get to wear them. I hope this helps to motivate me to stay on the straight and narrow.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Weight loss surgery can change relationships as well as our minds and bodies. Put this on the back burner. You may need it later:

Instead of thinking "I love him, so why does he treat me this way?" ........start thinking "Why would I love someone who treats me this way?"

[Domika03 309]

He probably doesn't really understand what you're going through, and it's OK. You can try to talk to him about it, or bring him to a support meeting, if you go to those, so he can learn about it. Of course, there's always the possibility that he just doesn't want to understand. Maybe he is simply afraid that once you lose your weight, he might not be as important to you. You're focus is quite different now, and it's possible that he feels left out. He could also feel threatened.

I know it's not easy. My hubby eats everything & anything, and sometimes tells me 'just have a bite." Thankfully, I have no real appetite so it's not much of an issue. But, sometimes I will give into him, and have a bite of something. It appeases him, and satisfies any little craving I might have had.

Good luck!

[Momonanomo 534]

I agree he probably can't imagine what it's like for you. Try not to fault him too much for this -- there will forever be people in your life who will test your resistance but don't necessarily have ill intentions. Besides, he's known you forever and chocolates & McD's always made you happy in the past I'd bet.....guys tend to try to stick with what works, not necessarily what is logical :/ Bless their hearts He's got to learn that you are changing your entire approach to food & doing what is healthy. It has been a big change for my husband to deal with too....

When someone gifts me food that's not healthy, I say either to them or to myself "I don't want that" instead of "I can't have that", and I find that kind of thinking helps me feel strong.

You could just say "thanks for the chocolates....did I mention I've lost 49 lbs??!?!?" or "Yeah.....McD's is crap food really, and I don't want it....and did I mention I've lost 49 lbs??!??!" and smile like a lunatic!

[Momonanomo 534]

and PS:

congratulations on saying NO to the chocolates! AND congratulations on your weight loss!

[sassypants 674]

People do just forget honestly nothing has changed for him so he has no idea how you feel what you go through etc

I live with my mum 1 sister and 1 brother almost 2 years out honestly they forget all the time and sometimes just don’t think for example mum will be like oh I chopped up insert a bunch of veg to go with the chicken and that rice from yesterday- I say you left me veg on its own right- oh s*it no sorry I forgot.

She honestly did shes not sabotaging me at all just didn’t think to set some aside because for years rice with anything hell yeah I would eat it I LOVE rice I just don’t eat it any more.

I do a lot of the cooking so they have had to adopt my diet they now rarely get Pasta rice or potatoes with dinner because I don’t eat it I rarely make it as a side for them either lol

People who haven’t had the op don’t really understand the A. not allowed it and B. can’t tolerate it part, they think we can have whatever we want just in really small amounts.

Honestly I always have a bad taste in my mouth when people suggest even slightly that someone’s marriage or relationship should end consider it not right or you are being abused in some manner even slightly when they don’t do exactly what you do or mind you and what they say eat how they workout etc after the op.

Your partner HASN’T change not one little bit that’s not their fault WE have its us who have to work things out all they are doing is being who they are as usual your just reacting differently to these same things than you would have before the op.

Yes I do know some partners who really do sabotage this some to the point I want to punch them in the face repeatedly, but a lot of the time its lack of understanding and doing nothing wrong but simply being who they always were and not changing.

[XXShelXX 346]

I really don't think he was trying to sabotage u. His life and eating hasn't changed and he's used to the norm. I think maybe he just was trying to make u happy on valentines day cause he loves you

[ElyQuint 446]

My man still struggles. He is afraid NOT to give me chocolates and the media tells him that I lie to him about my wants. Further, he likes to feed me. He thinks he is taking care of me. That is how he loves. Slowly he is learning that dark chocolate covered roasted edamame says I love you more than Russell Stovers. Be gentle, his life is changing and he hasn't a choice.

In the interest of full disclosure my man made several pies in the first 6 weeks of surgery and I nearly smothered him.

[Seela 1,187]

My husband went out of his way to find something different he knew I'd really like... Lemmon Cookies. Lol... he was disappointed and said well, maybe you could just eat one every day, a treat. What am I, a dog? I explained to him that while I appreciate the thought if I go down that path I may as well have never had the surgery. He said something about not knowing how to buy me stuff anymore, and I lightheartedly said, jewelry's still good...lol we went out and gave the cookies to some homeless guy. He doesn't get addiction. I'm the one that has to stay strong. And if my family really wants to go to McDonald's I just order a plain grilled chicken breast.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

We just need to keep in mind that when we ask for advice on the forum, we are going to get all kinds of advice from people who have had all kinds of background and life experience. My comment on "why would you love someone who treats you this way" comes from the place of domestic violence. I had to escape in the middle of the night from a psychopath who kept six loaded guns in the house. His abuse started with diet sabotage and unkind comments, and escalated to physical abuse and death threats from there.

I do believe that most diet sabotage is probably NOT intentional and we must train or households and workplaces to be more observant of what we can safely eat. I am just sayin' that at some point, an unrepentant reprobate saboteur needs to be confronted. That said, hopefully this works out for you.

[ElyQuint 446]

Wow Miss Mac! Congrats on your escape! My man nearly died about a pie. I'd HAVE to murder a man who out and out had the nerve to act like that AND was stupid enough to sleep in my presence with guns in the house! Bless you!

[abordenster 43]

Oh my gosh. My husband brought home mcdonalds 14 days after my surgery. He went through everything with me. I was like I'm not going to eat that. But my daughter came home and was like what the hell is this? Who got this crap? Mom can't be around this food. He was busted. He just missed my emotional suffering of those foods. I cried to my sister and my BFF. Because I chose this restriction. And I don't always cry to him. I had to tell him that maybey he could eat that at Mickey d's with the kids. My daughter has also thrown out the Cookies that made it in. He knew I was going to change but I don't think he grasped how much it would change all of us. We have discussed this more since then. And honestly I had the hardest time being around bad foods during the preop diet. But the chocolate made me laugh. Sorry sometimes husbands just miss all kinds of red flags. mine is a true hunter and gatherer so training him to gather new items has been interesting. My daughter on the other hand has been so protective. Like a 16 year old mamma bear. I've had to tell her to relax. She was my biggest doubter before surgery. Who knew.

[Ree 215]

Thanks guys! I don't know for sure if he really is trying to sabotage me or not. I can only go based on past behavior from him. This isn't new for him, the only difference is I know physically I can not eat more and I have to be careful of what I eat.

Miss Mac, I'm sorry for what you have been through. I do read all comments with an open mind. I'm glad you were able to free yourself from the abuse. (((HUGS)))

[Ariella 73]

My boyfriend has been very supportive. I honestly dont care what he eats. Well I care and am completely on his ass about keeping to the diet he wants to be on, but on his cheat days I don't bat an eye lash. Luckily my lack of appetite has helped. I look at his food and yummmo, but have no real desire to touch it.

I think you just need to stay strong, but if being around that bothers you, keep that line of communication open.

[rensterness 375]

I am four months out and my husband got me my favorite chocolates even though I said I didn't want any. When I thought about it I realized he did it out of the kindness of his heart and also knowing I could 'treat' myself over time. So I gladly had one and had another one tonight. A chocolate here and there won't hurt, it's abusing the chocolate, or letting the chocolate abuse you lol.