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relationships: I'm getting sleeved, but he/she's NOT!



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Hi yall..just wondering how some of you veterans have handled getting sleeved and your partner who used to be heavy & happy with you isn't? Have you become a nagging food police officer, or has it created any other issues fir your relationships? I love my boo bear at his heaviest as he has done the same for me, but I just wonder what happens when one half of the fat cute couple gets slim. I dont want to make him feel bad or stress him because I came to my decision for me and if he is not ready or doesn't want to make a transition, it's his choice. I just don't want to get the big head. So anyone have any thing to share that can help me. My surgery is 1/13/14..I'm Tom Cruise on Oprah EXCITED!!!!

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My husband has so far been denied for surgery though he wants it, and he is quite jealous. I try to be sympathetic, but it is completely annoying. In the meantime he has been bingeing more at night and has gained about 5-10 pounds. So now he's saying, "It's flying off of you, and onto me!" No, you are eating at night, sweetie.

We have had several conversations about how since the surgery it has rarely been about me and mostly about me managing his feelings about it, but it is still very hard for him to try to remain positive for me.

So I am pretty much spearheading the whole appeal process and hoping that we will get some positive news. However, I have also expressed my concern about his coping mechanism thus far… :( As many have counseled me, nagging is counterproductive. I just try to continue to make good choices for myself and hope that everyone will let me do my thing with a minimum of fuss.

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Although my hubby isn't obese, he is overweight and wants to shed about 25-30lbs. Since I got sleeved he has made a few half-assed attempts but often he seems to be eating whatever I can't finish. He's slowly becoming a bit more aware but the man LOVES to eat! Who doesn't? Anyway, since he is so supportive of me and loving I have been biting my tongue about some of his food choices and habits. He'd probably lose weight if he just stopped eating the crap at Starbucks! I've given up on that one. The reality is that he is an adult and has to decide for himself what he eats, doesn't eat, etc. All "encouragement" from me won't change his behavior if he doesn't want to change himself anymore than I could change myself before I made the decision that I needed to change in order to enjoy my life.

You know your man and you will figure it out as you go. When one person in a relationship decides to change it definitely puts some pressure on the relationship. Try to focus on your loving feelings and be patient. He may see your success and decide to follow your lead.

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I got sleeved and my partner didn't. I was 360 pounds to his 320. I'm now 274 and he's about 295. He has been nothing but supportive and encouraging for me so regardless of what he weighs I don't discourage him. I do point him in a healthier direction because he asked me to hold him accountable. If we're out at a restaurant and he wants a coke I say no. Because he asked me to. We work together to share food when we eat out and I cook pretty healthy meals. Like tonight I am cooking shrimp in yellow curry with carrots and instead of regular rice I am making cauliflower rice with some Thai basil. It's a healthy alternative and we went shopping together and work out at the gym together.

I think it's about working as closely together as possible on your health goals rather than 'this is me/this is you'. Have your own vision of your health but a partnership is a partnership. If they cannot honor their end, then re-evaluate the partnership based on your changing needs but I think you have a responsibility to not give up easily or throw your hands up in the air. That's you honoring your end. Its easy to forget that they didn't get this life changing surgery while you're dropping weight almost effortlessly at first. We just choose this path. Just like there are many paths to God, there are just as many paths to better health.

You're in this together. We're all in this together. Just my 2 cents.

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My husband has gained a little lately, eating what I leave behind quite a bit, and stress eating. I see him doing it, but I try to bite my tongue... I want him healthy, and do talk about that, but getting there has got to be his idea. He knows he should make some changes, but is just not there yet. The carb monster is just to powerful! I know how that can be!

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Funny my hubby heard me say my that the scale is going down and I was 204 what does he do? He runs over to the scale and comes out with a big sigh & smile I looked at home and said whats up? He says a few days ago I was 204 too now I am 198lb. Let the healthy competion begain. ;) Now I've gotta learn to be quiet and not jump for joy when the scale goes down or Let's be real when it does do it in silence. And I also have to learn to start cooking better for my family!

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My husband as well isn't obese but could stand to loose a few lbs and needs to watch his cholesterol. He told my mom the other week he was so nervous that is would drastically change everything in our life. However, he has been nothing but supportive...he has lost 15-20lbs with me...but occasionally falls of the wagon. I am so grateful he has been doing such a strong force for me.

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You all who are married are very blessed to have that ongoing support.

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