I'm the spouse

[LadyG 628 4]

Dear Rockin

I'm also a spouse, my husband was sleeved July 7. I'm not sure if this gets easier for the spouse. Our doctor and nutritionist both said that the surgery is the easy part, the work that comes after is the hard part, the life changing part. I think this extends to the spouse. I think that for the spouse we have a lot of the same worries as the patient pre-op; during surgery they are asleep and we worry, have fears, are stressed; and post-op have a different set of concerns as care taker and supporter. There are so many supports for the patient (family, friends, online support groups, local support groups), but very little for the spouse. Continue being an advocate, Im glad you caught the infection early.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

LadyG, I think you'll find plenty of support here, on youtube and on Facebook -- more than you might think.

Welcome to this forum.

And try to breathe a little deeper. The change will seem unfamiliar, but things will keep changing the next year. The "new permanent" will take a long time to evolve.

[rockin2014 6]

Lady G you are right it dosent get easier but it will be the new normal. My husband was sleeved on 6/30 and on my last post our whole house was sleep deprived and the infection was what kinda through us all over the edge. But getting everything cleared up and falling into a routine has really helped. That and everyone getting some good sleep! Our biggest struggles right now is figuring out food for him and getting all the Protein in. I love this site found many tips and just all around great support.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I would recommend keeping things simple in the household. I remember being overwhelmed following two of us being sleeved 2 weeks apart, and a calendar with dates for meal changes. Thank goodness for yogurt, broth, popsicles and Soups during the worst times of worry. Once you reach the eating phase, a rotisserie chicken can work wonders in meal planning for the WL person and other family members. Homemade lowfat turkey chili, meatballs, and mini meatloves made in the muffin pan were great and easy, plus easy to freeze and defrost for quick meals. I think the greatest indulgence at about 2-3 months post sleeve, was sharing a small filet mignon, stovetop seared, at a cost of about $4.50. At 8 months out, we still share the filet. Very cost effective for a WLS patient. I too love Bariatric Pal and sharing our experiences.

[supportive hubby 42]

Wife having surgery on Monday. August 11th Monday morning

Im excited but scared ... not sure of things afterwards . Never seen her skinny. Met my

[supportive hubby 42]

WIfe when she was already overweight

[sallysupportive 2]

Hi everyone, I have never joined a forum before but am interested in getting some feedback to my questions. My partner is due to have the roux-en-y surgery in about 8 weeks time. I have been struggling to find much information for spouses, or others experiences in supporting their spouses. I am really supportive of his decision but feel like it's a bit of a roller coaster at the moment. In the past we have dieted together (I am also obesely overweight) and have had some success, however in the last 12 months it has been a real struggle and we have both put the weight back on. He has gotten part of his super released to pay for the surgery as well as private health insurance. Since getting the money released though I feel like he is needing to consume more food - almost like a panic reaction. Is this normal? It really worries me because he is putting on extra weight. I know that in a couple of months time that won't really matter but it concerns me now. Should I just let it go and try and understand what he must be going through? We have talked about it occasionally, and he said that he is scared he won't be able to eat the things he loves ever again. He has other health issues as well, such as a bad back and knee problems, (of course the weight is only making them worse), and I am also concerned that he will do more damage. Would love to hear people's advice or what other weight loss surgery patients have experienced emotionally. I really appreciate it. Cheers, sallysupportive.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Hi everyone, I have never joined a forum before but am interested in getting some feedback to my questions. My partner is due to have the roux-en-y surgery in about 8 weeks time. I have been struggling to find much information for spouses, or others experiences in supporting their spouses. I am really supportive of his decision but feel like it's a bit of a roller coaster at the moment. In the past we have dieted together (I am also obesely overweight) and have had some success, however in the last 12 months it has been a real struggle and we have both put the weight back on. He has gotten part of his super released to pay for the surgery as well as private health insurance. Since getting the money released though I feel like he is needing to consume more food - almost like a panic reaction. Is this normal? It really worries me because he is putting on extra weight. I know that in a couple of months time that won't really matter but it concerns me now. Should I just let it go and try and understand what he must be going through? We have talked about it occasionally, and he said that he is scared he won't be able to eat the things he loves ever again. He has other health issues as well, such as a bad back and knee problems, (of course the weight is only making them worse), and I am also concerned that he will do more damage. Would love to hear people's advice or what other weight loss surgery patients have experienced emotionally. I really appreciate it. Cheers, sallysupportive.

We women are such worry warts, especially me. My husband has gently let me know a few times how smotheringly over anxious I am when it comes to him. That love of food and feeling like we have to stuff ourselves to be happy, eating like there is no tomorrow, is truly an addiction. Even after surgery he will be able to overeat after a bit. I don't have answers for you, just wanted to say good luck and take care of yourself and get healthy. God Bless! Linda

[Recycled 2,182]

I feel like he is needing to consume more food - almost like a panic reaction. Is this normal? It really worries me because he is putting on extra weight. I know that in a couple of months time that won't really matter but it concerns me now. Should I just let it go and try and understand what he must be going through? We have talked about it occasionally, and he said that he is scared he won't be able to eat the things he loves ever again. He has other health issues as well, such as a bad back and knee problems, (of course the weight is only making them worse), and I am also concerned that he will do more damage. Would love to hear people's advice or what other weight loss surgery patients have experienced emotionally. I really appreciate it. Cheers, sallysupportive.

Sally,

Relax, the unknown brings on all kinds of fears....... He will be fine. Of course if would be better if he didn't eat extra before the surgery, but then that's kinda why we are all here. What you can tell him is.....He will most surely be able to continue to eat any of his favorite foods. Just in much, much smaller portions. And some he may find he no longer craves or desires. (so no loss there) The surgery will be upon you both in no time and things will change dramatically from then on.....so don't fret about it now and learn as much as you can so you will know what to expect. Makes things go much easier. Good luck. Tell him we'll see him on the loser's bench.

[ErinAZ 10]

Hi Sally, remain calm most of all.

I know as spouses we aren't supposed to "over worry" but my husband's doctor was very serious with him before the surgery, he had to not just not gain weight, he was supposed to LOSE 10 pounds or else they threatened not to do the surgery. They explained part of it was to make the skin looser / easier to work with but I think part of it is to test whether the person is really ready to make an eating change. I think if you do feel you have to talk to him about it, just make sure to do it calmly and say you just want to help him be successful.

I can say that about a month post-op, he is happily eating many things he has always loved to eat. Eventually he will be able to eat anything he could before, just small portions. And honestly the portions don't seem all that "tiny" to me. He isn't craving things like he used to, and he feels so much better and healthier overall. Things have changed for sure.

I would also say make sure you have some other support systems too, for yourself. I'm also overweight and now am still trying to work on myself and lose weight, while watching him lose so much faster after surgery. It can get you down. The good news is, things are going to get easier for you too, I bet. For me, I now have a spouse who is only bringing fresh healthy food into the house, he is not bringing in "treats" and brownies and bags of Doritos. Since I can't eat what isn't in the house, it is a LOT easier for me to stick to my program now!

Good luck getting through the remaining waiting time!

[sallysupportive 2]

Wow! Thank you to all the replies. Much appreciated. I also decided to start a new thread titled http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/317102-being-a-supportive-spouse-tips/ so please any more advice is gladly accepted. It is certainly a very scary journey, for him especially and also for me.

I never thought I would be someone to reach out to strangers, but thank you all for your kind words. So glad I decided to join this site and take the plunge.

You all take care.

[shirleyblanchard 2]

I am new here. My husband is a week post op and doing very well. He had the gastric sleeve procedure and has already lost 30 lbs!

Anyway, I am on an emotional roller coaster. I am a high school culinary arts teacher. I have been cooking properly/healthy for the last two years. I am mourning HIS loss of food, and straws! Stupid, I know.

All of the support groups his dr offers are for the patient-not the spouse or family. Yes, these people are invited to attend with the patient but I need something geared toward the spouse. I am the one that prepares all of his meals and since I have failed already (since he went ahead with the surgery that means I failed!) I don't want to fail again.

Yes I know this is NOT about me but our family is on the most extreme diet of our lives and we all need to be on board. We have always jumped on the diet bandwagon and this one is a locomotive!!!

[supportive.gf 3]

I am new here. My husband is a week post op and doing very well. He had the gastric sleeve procedure and has already lost 30 lbs!

Anyway, I am on an emotional roller coaster. I am a high school culinary arts teacher. I have been cooking properly/healthy for the last two years. I am mourning HIS loss of food, and straws! Stupid, I know.

All of the support groups his dr offers are for the patient-not the spouse or family. Yes, these people are invited to attend with the patient but I need something geared toward the spouse. I am the one that prepares all of his meals and since I have failed already (since he went ahead with the surgery that means I failed!) I don't want to fail again.

Yes I know this is NOT about me but our family is on the most extreme diet of our lives and we all need to be on board. We have always jumped on the diet bandwagon and this one is a locomotive!!!

Shirley,

I know completely how you feel! My boyfriend of 5 years is having his sleeve surgery in 2 days and feel SO overwhelmed! I, too, was searching for a support group just like he has but for significant others. It is a HUGE lifestyle change that the whole family must be willing to commit to. Congrats to him on the weight loss so far!! I'm here if you ever want to chat or just get something off your chest that's what supportive people are for!! And, if you happen to find that support group give me a shout!!

Good luck and I wish you both all the best!

[shirleyblanchard 2]

I am so glad to hear from you! It seems like no one posts on this site. My husband is doing very well. So far there are no foods that he can't tolerate. He is following all of the instructions to the letter.

I am doing better but still having a hard time. It feels like he is a different man. He is thinner than I have ever seen him and it is kind of weird. I will get used to it.

My kids are coping. dinner time I try to incorporate my hubby's food selection (mashed potatoes, refried beans...) into our meals so it feels like we are all eating the same things. This works most of the time.

Please post so we can keep in touch. Support is a good thing and all of the support groups at the Bariatric place are for the patient. Yes spouses and significant others are always invited but all of the support is for the patient.