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Hubby issues



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Alright ladies. It seems like the more weight comes off the more uncomfortable hubby and I are with each other. I feel like I'm more vulnerable and paranoid and he's been paranoid since this whole thing started. We just aren't understanding each other well anymore, even though we have long talks most every night.

Are there any others of you that are noticing a change in dynamics between you and your significant other? How are you dealing with it?

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Ok, I have to be honest here. I am not married, I am single. But I can answer to part of your post. I am more self conscience of my body now than I ever was fat. Now granted, once I hit 316lbs it was becoming a big issue. But when I was maintaining around 280-290lbs ( for a few years) I was pretty self confident. But now I weigh less than I have in at least 10 years and I am more self conscience than ever! The fat is shrinking but it is leaving behind dimpled and excess skin. Not to mention my scars from surgery that criss cross my abdomen are still red and angry looking. I cannot imagine anyone seeing me naked at this point. While I am dressed I do look ok, it is just the thought of what I look like undressed that freezes me up. I am scared to death to even contemplate that notion right now. So I may understand how you feel. As far as your hubby...I can only take a guess and assume he doesn't know how to act. You and he were in the same place at the same time when you first got to know each others bodies. But now yours is changing, quickly. While you are learning it, he may feel afraid to. The body you had is gone. ( the one he knew) The body you have right now is only momentary. If he really likes it he might be disappointed when it too is gone. It is good to know you two can talk, that has to be helpful. I hope you can find someone out there that has more insight and might be able to help. The best of luck on working it all out!!!

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I think even though I feel and look so much better and everything should be "improved" I feel my relationship with my husband is going through growing pains...

Yesterday I asked if he still liked me and he said "I'm just trying figure out who you are, I feel like I don't know you anymore"

I have changed I guess.. I'm the same person and love my husband as much as I did before. But I'm a bit more vocal if I'm dissatisfied (don't have my food to comfort sooth anymore)

This process is so much more than just a physical one..

All we can do is keep taking and be honest with our feelings same with the spouses.

Marriages are full of peaks and valleys..

Alright ladies. It seems like the more weight comes off the more uncomfortable hubby and I are with each other. I feel like I'm more vulnerable and paranoid and he's been paranoid since this whole thing started. We just aren't understanding each other well anymore, even though we have long talks most every night. Are there any others of you that are noticing a change in dynamics between you and your significant other? How are you dealing with it?

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Well over all things have been good with my relationship. But at times due to my rapid changes and our schedules we have had periods where we are not at our best. I would not over think it. It gets better. I'm planning things like buying new sexy underwear to get back on top I mean track. To spruce up things.

Wait are we in the powder room. Lol

Edited by Ballermom

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I agree with Laura-Ven. Talking about it is best. To piggy back on Laura post

These are growing pains and I'm experiencing them too.

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I think even though I feel and look so much better and everything should be "improved" I feel my relationship with my husband is going through growing pains...

Yesterday I asked if he still liked me and he said "I'm just trying figure out who you are, I feel like I don't know you anymore"

I have changed I guess.. I'm the same person and love my husband as much as I did before. But I'm a bit more vocal if I'm dissatisfied (don't have my food to comfort sooth anymore)

This process is so much more than just a physical one..

All we can do is keep taking and be honest with our feelings same with the spouses.

Marriages are full of peaks and valleys..

I'm only 2 months post op but what Laura said is very similar with my situation with my husband.

I'm vocal about things now where as before I'd stay up late snacking the night away. He isn't sure how to cope and often finds me stand offish. Trying to adjust and keep things into perspective.

We try to just laugh things off and move on.

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

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        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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