Terrified and having second thoughts - Surgery is in 48 hours : - (

[BabySheldon 158]

Confessions of a 'Scaredy Cat'

1. I am terrified of having this surgery. Everything about it scares me to death.

2. I am an extreme emetaphobe (fear of vomiting) and I am afraid this will send me over the edge.

3. I can completely give up the food but I don't want to give up my stomach, its been good to me over the years and I feel a strange attachment to it. It seems unfair to punish my stomach for sins of my mouth...

4. I hate the unknown...what if the new tummy doesn't like this or that? What if I can't drink Water again? (My favorite)

5. I loathe the thought that someone might judge me...think I took the easy way out...give me less validation for my efforts.

6. I am afraid that it could be a huge regret and I can't ever recover from. I will have to live with a new body part that I do not know or do not like.

7. I realize this will not solve my problems. It could make things better, but I'm scared it will make things worse.

8. It seemed like a good idea for a last ditch effort to save myself from myself.....but with this sheer terror, I may not be able to do this.

The lawyer in me HATES uncertainty....

Sheldon

[southernsoul 773]

Hey, Sheldon & welcome to BP. Honestly, no one can resolve your fears but you. Being that afraid or worried must be really hard & I'm sorry you're struggling so much. It's absolutely true that some folks have a really difficult time postop, but I believe that many, many more (myself included) have a relatively complication-free postop process. If your fears are this intense, you may not be ready to take such a big & irreversible step. This week marks 6 months postop for me, and I am so glad I took the plunge....but my experience is my own & yours could well be different. It looks like your surgery date is tomorrow, so I wish you good luck & peace of mind.

[CoffeeGrinDR 148]

Sheldon, not to throw a spanner into the works here but I'm curious about your goal weight (being 118). At 5'8" a lot of charts have a median healthy weight at 147 (with a range of 136-150).

[BabySheldon 158]

Sheldon, not to throw a spanner into the works here but I'm curious about your goal weight (being 118). At 5'8" a lot of charts have a median healthy weight at 147 (with a range of 136-150).

Yes, my goal weight is 118lbs...that gives me a BMI of 18.5..... I have very small bones and was tall/petite before I gained weight.

Sheldon

[clmftw 45]

Sheldon --

I'm also an attorney, and I totally feel you about uncertainty.

It's totally normal for us to feel anxiety about this. I'm getting sleeved on Thursday, and I'm about to jump out of my skin with anxiety! However...

1. Have you ever had any surgery before? Did you tolerate the drugs alright? My surgeon told me that less than 1% of patients have complications during the surgery or right after.... Those are awesome odds! We can do this!

2. I've heard that some people don't vomit, as long as they don't overdo it on consumption. Maybe you'll be like that, eh? I hope I am too! I hate throwing up. On the upside, maybe this will get you over your phobia? Maybe? Eh?

3. You're not giving up your stomach, you're making it smaller. After healing, you'll have a perfectly functional stomach again.

4. Your tastes might change, that's true, but that's okay! Frankly, I'll be thrilled if I never wanted cake or pizza again! And I'm sure you'll be able to drink water!

5. This is the part I'm the MOST certain of: If someone judges you for doing this, eff 'em. No, seriously. You don't owe it to anyone to tell them that you had this surgery. If you do choose to tell people, they better get with the program. Haters to the left. This is NOT an easy choice, NOT an easy lifestyle we're adopting. But you and I are choosing to live healthier. Everyone in your boat needs to be paddling in the same direction, not drilling holes in the bottom.

6. 100% of the people that I've met have no regrets (after the recover process!). Everyone online, everyone in person. You may be different, maybe...but probably not.

7. BREATHE! You can do this! If you can get through law school, and pass the bar, you can do THIS!

[CoffeeGrinDR 148]

Hope it all goes smoothly for you! Ask for that wonderful "relaxation" shot they give you up front -- best part of surgery!

According to the revised BMI calculator (from Oxford) that would put you underweight. Maybe spot yourself 5 pounds?

To each their own but the new charts recommend 123-166 for your height.

http://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html

Good luck!

[Lori228 60]

Hey Sheldon, I feel your fear. I was pretty scared prior to surgery, too, but I felt very ready for the new me and I am almost 10 months out and I am so glad I did it. There are changes on the horizon but they are good changes and healthier ones. I feel so much better and can function so much better. I was worried about drinking lots of Water, and that is not an issue but rather getting enough in. I love Water and now I can even drink lots when I am thirsty. Some of my tastes have changed but it really is the unhealthy stuff that I used to love (like pasta) that has less appeal to me.

As far as people go, I work in a hospital and it just felt right, for a lot of reasons, to be honest. There have been a lot of people commenting to my weight loss and ask how I did it, and I told them. Some are very interested and want more information. Others are a little surprised but not rude. There has not been one person who has said anything since surgery about it after seeing the weight loss. There were those ahead of time that had those rude comments or looks, but I knew what I wanted and was not going to let them stop me. Since then there have been no rude comments (at least not to my face) but they cannot really say much when they see the change.

Anyway, I hope your fears are eased and you are happy with whatever decision you make. I just thank God that I made the choice I did. Good luck.

[McButterpants 2,846]

I collect and analyze data for a living, so I'm almost as neurotic as a lawyer! :-) Fear is completely understandable.

I'll tell you part of my story...My husband and I traveled out of our area for surgery because I was self pay. When we got to Las Vegas 2 days prior to surgery we got a convertible. We drove around Las Vegas with the top down and I didn't enjoy it - not one minute. I kept thinking about my surgery- if it was the right thing for me to do and having those 2nd thoughts. Not only was I scared, but I was pissed off. I was angry because I let myself get to this point - how did it get this bad that I need to remove most of my stomach in order to lose weight and get healthy?

Day 2 in Las Vegas I was going to call it all off. I was going to cancel the surgery and just have a nice vacation in Las Vegas, probably hitting every all you can eat buffet in town. Then I went to the mandatory meeting for patients having surgery the next day. Being surrounded by others in my same situation helped - I was still scared, but I felt better.

Then on the day of surgery, while I was in admitting, I thought, "I could walk out of here right now and only be out $500." I was scared to death - I wanted to flee. Then I looked at my husband, who was scared too and I thought about my son back at home. I thought about all the reasons I decided to go down this path. And then I thought about my mom who has been obese her entire adult life and the medical issues she has because of it - that will be me.

At that moment I CHOSE to go thru with it. I was still scared - I think that's perfectly normal. But recommitting myself in that admitting room, made everything else easier for me. Once I started walking down that hallway to start the process, I didn't have any more 2nd thoughts - it was determination that kept me walking.

After surgery - for about 2 days, I had some buyer's remorse. I attribute it to feeling bad directly after surgery. Since day 3 I have had no 2nd thoughts or regrets about getting this done. At 4+ weeks out I can tell you this was the best decision of my life, barring marrying my husband and having my son. I already have a better life. I feel better, my blood pressure is already down and I'm not on any diabetes medicine any more.

Only you can decide if this is the path you want to take. For me, I'm glad I didn't back out. I learned that I was stronger than I thought I was - I suspect the same thing will happen to you.

I wish you luck. Please keep us posted!

[loobylou238 43]

It is natural to feel scared about your surgery after all it is elective.

However you must have been in the right frame of mind when you first made the decision to go for surgery. Do you have other health problems?

I am only 12 weeks out after surgery. Water has never been a problem for me. food and trying to eat it is my problem. I feel full very quickly, probably after two spoonfuls. But then food was my downfall to begin with. I am so, so glad my previous poor food choices have all now been removed. If I eat out the majority of food goes home with me! I've saved a ton of money by not going to the grocery store.

I don't regret my operation for one moment. It was the best money I've spent in all my life. Down from 7 HBP pills to 1, no more lymphoedema in my legs, I can walk more, have more energy and I like myself for the first time in a long time!

You go for it girl and reclaim your life back.

[endless80 697]

Confessions of a 'Scaredy Cat'

1. I am terrified of having this surgery. Everything about it scares me to death.

2. I am an extreme emetaphobe (fear of vomiting) and I am afraid this will send me over the edge.

3. I can completely give up the food but I don't want to give up my stomach, its been good to me over the years and I feel a strange attachment to it. It seems unfair to punish my stomach for sins of my mouth...

4. I hate the unknown...what if the new tummy doesn't like this or that? What if I can't drink Water again? (My favorite)

5. I loathe the thought that someone might judge me...think I took the easy way out...give me less validation for my efforts.

6. I am afraid that it could be a huge regret and I can't ever recover from. I will have to live with a new body part that I do not know or do not like.

7. I realize this will not solve my problems. It could make things better, but I'm scared it will make things worse.

8. It seemed like a good idea for a last ditch effort to save myself from myself.....but with this sheer terror, I may not be able to do this.

The lawyer in me HATES uncertainty....

Sheldon

It sounds to me that you may not be ready for this. I never threw up afterwards but I know a lot of people who have and if you do it's just the way you heal, however... mentally is REALLY REALLY tough for the first 2 months. I think you need to come to grips with that before you do this tomorrow because there no NO TURNING BACK after you have this done. So you better be sure and you better be prepared to experience a complete life change in the next couple of months.

[account closed 20]

Confessions of a 'Scaredy Cat'

1. I am terrified of having this surgery. Everything about it scares me to death.

I'm sure you came to the decision to have surgery after a lot of thought, research, consulting with doctors, weighing the pros and cons and assessing the risks. Trust in your judgement that you've made the best decision for you. Don't be afraid to talk with people you trust (even your medical team) about your fears -this will help alleviate a lot of your anxiety.

2. I am an extreme emetaphobe (fear of vomiting) and I am afraid this will send me over the edge.

I am very sensitive to pain meds and general anesthesia in that they make me feel a lot more nauseous than most people. It took a while at the hospital to get my nausea under control but I did not vomit! Quite frankly, they don't want you to vomit as it could disrupt your new pouch/staples and will give you meds to tackle the nausea immediately! You will also feel very sedated and won't have the strength to vomit anyways. Just sleep it off.

3. I can completely give up the food but I don't want to give up my stomach, its been good to me over the years and I feel a strange attachment to it. It seems unfair to punish my stomach for sins of my mouth...

You're not "giving up" your stomach... they're only taking out a part of it! Your entire body will be healthier and happier for it. And remember... you cannot give up the food without giving up part of your stomach! Your stomach still exists, it's just smaller. I'm 1-week post op and my stomach is trucking along just fine. The surgery was just like a little speed bump for it -it still tells me when it's hungry, digests food normally, etc.

4. I hate the unknown...what if the new tummy doesn't like this or that? What if I can't drink Water again? (My favorite)

Your stomach will 'like' Water. In fact, that's the first and most important thing it will be asked to tolerate! In terms of food, if your stomach doesn't like certain things at first, don't give up... reintroduce them into your diet weeks, months, or even years down the road. It may just be its at a different stage in the healing process and is picky about what it will tolerate at the time.

5. I loathe the thought that someone might judge me...think I took the easy way out...give me less validation for my efforts.

We judge people every day on the basis of this or that. We've all been judged unfairly at some point in our lives for something. Just treat anyone who judges you for your weight loss the same way you would treat them for any other decision you've made in your life. The people who love, support and encourage you in making such a positive change in your life are the ones worth keeping around.

6. I am afraid that it could be a huge regret and I can't ever recover from. I will have to live with a new body part that I do not know or do not like.

I was actually wondering why you kept referring to a 'new' stomach... the stomach isn't new, it's still your old stomach, just smaller! And if you really, truly, come to resent the restriction on your food intake, you could technically stretch out your stomach again by increasing your food intake slowly.

7. I realize this will not solve my problems. It could make things better, but I'm scared it will make things worse.

8. It seemed like a good idea for a last ditch effort to save myself from myself.....but with this sheer terror, I may not be able to do this.

At the end of the day, no matter what we strangers here on the forum say, the decision to go through with the surgery is still yours! If you are truly feeling uncertain (not nervous -nervousness is normal!), but seriously uncertain... then it's important to give yourself the time to come to an informed decision. Ask all the questions you need to ask, weigh the risks vs. the benefits, and ask yourself if you are willing to commit to everything you need to do to ensure a safe and smooth recovery. Is it possible to postpone the surgery? That way, you are not committing to having the surgery or cancelling the surgery entirely.

For me personally, I chose to have the surgery not because of my weight, but because of all the health problems attributed to my weight or exacerbated by my weight. I'm in my 20s and have PCOS, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, fatty liver disease, an inflamed gallbladder, diabetes, and sleep apnea. I was taking more medications than my grandparents ever did. My gynecologist said I would almost certainly develop uterine or ovarian cancer in the next 10-15 years. And all of this was at a BMI of 32.7. For me the risk of going through the surgery, and giving up the ability to consume large quantities of food, was well-worth the trade off of a healthy, happy life. I am only 1 week post op and my blood pressure, blood sugar and oxygen levels are normal. What I'm trying to say is, only you can look at your own situation and decide if WLS is the best choice for you, and if so, which type would be best for you (if something reversible would make you feel more comfortable, maybe you could look into the lapband).

I wish you all the best, whatever you decide!

Edited December 16, 2013 by vsg2803

[Carol Quabeck Boyer 67]

• clmftw - I am having surgery on the 19th too!

  Sheldon - I have many of the same fears you do, but I am 100% sure that this is something that I want to do. The only thing I can say is BE SURE! If you aren't, take some time and put surgery on hold. You can always revisit it later.

  I have told EVERYONE about my surgery. I am so excited about it, and I have had some, "Why would you do that?" but NEVER has anyone said (to my face anyway) that surgery is the easy way out. Once you educated people on the process, they get it!

  I hope you come to a decision that you are comfortable with!!

  Carol

[Arts137 1,811]

Please let us know how you processed these ideas and what you have decided to do. Trust me, there is NO right or wrong. This is YOUR life and we will support your decisions! (though we may be brutally candid sometimes) (supportive, but candid)

[BabySheldon 158]

Hey, Sheldon & welcome to BP. Honestly, no one can resolve your fears but you. Being that afraid or worried must be really hard & I'm sorry you're struggling so much. It's absolutely true that some folks have a really difficult time postop, but I believe that many, many more (myself included) have a relatively complication-free postop process. If your fears are this intense, you may not be ready to take such a big & irreversible step. This week marks 6 months postop for me, and I am so glad I took the plunge....but my experience is my own & yours could well be different. It looks like your surgery date is tomorrow, so I wish you good luck & peace of mind.

Hi Southern Soul... I really appreciate your words of kindness and support I agree that it everyone's personal choice. I think as the date got closer I got very nervous. Maybe this was just a meltdown that I needed to have before facing the reality that my life would be changed completely. I am three days post operative and although the surgery was painful I am starting to feel much better about the surgery and my choices thank you very very much I really was able to use your words of encouragement.

[BabySheldon 158]

Sheldon, not to throw a spanner into the works here but I'm curious about your goal weight (being 118). At 5'8" a lot of charts have a median healthy weight at 147 (with a range of 136-150).

Hi coffee grinder, thank you for your insight :-) I looked at a chart that was in my doctors office and it had that a BMI of 18.5 with a total weight for someone 5'8 as 118 pounds this is probably part of my non-sensibilities. In reality I will be happy if I hit 140 pounds... Thank you for keeping our heads in the game and being realistic about our goals!!! you guys are awesome!

4 days post op....

Sheldon...a official survivor...