Telling People After surgery

[supermom223 140]

I had surgery 4 months ago..I told noone except my husband and parents. Now Im 4 months out and down 60 lbs since surgery. That much weight loss on a 5 foot 2 frame has everyone asking HOW I did it!! I feel like such a liar telling them about my low carb diet plan with small portions and exercise even though that is all true I just leave out the part where a surgeon has removed 80% of my stomach. So my question is HOW do I tell people the truth after living a lie for all this time. I know its noones business and I wanted to be private about the surgery. For one I was afraid it wouldnt work and didnt want everyone expecting me to lose all this weight, two I didnt want to be the topic of anyones discussion when Im not around (Although I suppose I probablly am now anyway) Three I didnt want anyone to talk me out of it and I didnt want to admit to the anyone that I was so heavy that I even qualified for weight loss surgery in the first place. ANY ADVICE

[ribearty 544]

Do you feel now that it is working you have to tell them? I know I was open about my surgery to people I worked with and friends. Now, that I have most foods back in my life, I will see some coworkers checking to see what I am eating. Sometimes they'll ask me if I am allowed to have a certain type of food. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time. I feel I am under the microscope and don't want to let them or myself down, but also feel a bit uncomfortable under their scrutiny. I know the road will be filled with challenges along the way and want to enjoy the trip there. This lifestyle may at sometime become automatic, but I feel also if I don't watch it, old eating habits could easily sneak in and I won't reach the finish line.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I had surgery 4 months ago..I told noone except my husband and parents. Now Im 4 months out and down 60 lbs since surgery. That much weight loss on a 5 foot 2 frame has everyone asking HOW I did it!! I feel like such a liar telling them about my low carb diet plan with small portions and exercise even though that is all true I just leave out the part where a surgeon has removed 80% of my stomach. So my question is HOW do I tell people the truth after living a lie for all this time. I know its noones business and I wanted to be private about the surgery. For one I was afraid it wouldnt work and didnt want everyone expecting me to lose all this weight, two I didnt want to be the topic of anyones discussion when Im not around (Although I suppose I probablly am now anyway) Three I didnt want anyone to talk me out of it and I didnt want to admit to the anyone that I was so heavy that I even qualified for weight loss surgery in the first place. ANY ADVICE

I'm preop and feel 100% the same. There are some good threads on this. Wish I could remember the title but if I can find it, I'll repost.

[CrazyJaney 775]

"Problem with nosey co-worker". Look for it under general forums. Lots of good thoughts, stories. It's no ones business. I hate being under a microscope.

[Memily 86]

I didn't tell any of my co workers either. I simply say thank you, I am doing a high Protein, small portions, and workout. I didn't want to have conversations around my surgery.

[southernsoul 773]

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I had a weight loss surgery 4 months ago. I was afraid of it not working & afraid of being judged, so I didn't tell anybody at first. I've changed my eating & exercise habits & feel great about my decision. Thanks for noticing my efforts!"

I've been a "teller" from the very beginning, but each person has to make their own choice about that. I haven't noticed people checking out my food choices in a judgmental way, but I also didn't notice people's judgments about my body when I was 320 lbs. People are gonna do what they're gonna do & I can't control that. I have had a few friends ask me about the foods I eat & if there's anything I can't have, but it seems to be more out of interested curiosity than a judgmental place. A couple have been friends who would be candidates for WLS surgery, so I definitely don't mind discussing details with them. I know I pestered the hell out of the postop folks I knew while I was making the decision to go for it.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I have told a few close friends. I work in a hospital. Nurses truly are as gossipy as TV makes them look (in general). There are many who will be happy and proud of me. Some who will love me no matter what. And others who will enjoy making me feel uncomfortable. And a few waiting for me to fail. There are so many emotions that go all along with this. I'm not fully ready to be an open book. Down the road, I'm sure people will wonder. And I'd hope to inspire some (as I've been inspired by so many here on this site), but I need time to process without too much feedback. It's been a turning point (in a bad way) for me in the past when I've lost a lot of weight. I'm hoping I handle the feedback better this time. I will say that being older (45) has an advantage. It's much easier to not care what others think. I love all the comebacks here! I especially like the "why are you so interested in what I do". Again, making unwanted comments about coworkers relating to their physical traits is a no-no. Less is best at work unless someone is a true friend (not just a coworker).

[LouiseC 1,031]

I told everyone who asked and even some who didn't! This reflects more of the type of person I am perhaps. I got, and still get, so much positivity, support and encouragement from coworkers, staff and management alike that it outweighs the very little negative feedback I have received.

I absolutely understand those who want to keep their surgery quiet and respect that. I will admit to struggling with those who tell only part of the story, to me it feels like the omission results in a partial truth and that the recipient is misled as a consequence, regardless of the intentions. It comes back to my own values and principles and what I consider to be right for me. That doesn't mean it is right for you though and only you know where your own line is for this one.

I do not think it is too late to start talking about your surgery when people comment positively on your weight loss. If that feels comfortable, then do it. The majority of people will absolutely understand why you didn't sing it from the roof tops post surgery, after all your apprehension is normal and something I think most of us relate to. I was certainly scared of failure and still occasional battle fear of future failure with my sleeve. People may react negatively to having been told a half truth, however when you are clear about why I think most would understand and accept.

Some people did watch what I ate and a few still do. I simply choose to let them and have decided their observations of me are of no consequence.

Today in the lift I saw a contractor I hadn't seen for several months. She said "wow, you are looking great, you have lost a heap of weight?" I responded, in a lift full of people, with a laugh and a "thanks, I have lost weight and I do look great". She then asked, "what's your secret?" To which I responded "no secret, I had 85% of my stomach removed! it's awesome!" I was aware of the sudden silence in the lift and the eye contact between people and the best part was it didn't bother me at all. In fact, I was chuckling to myself as I stepped out of the lift.

Part of my journey has been conquering shame. An ongoing part of my journey is conquering fear and striving to be authentic and honest, primarily with myself.

I wish you well.