Interesting article about Fat Bigotry amongst gay men

[gamergirl 4,610]

I thought this article was interesting and also very relevant for this forum. Many of you have no doubt lived through it, but sometimes it helps to see it written about and openly acknowledged.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/it-gets-better-unless-youre-fat

[Roo101769 742]

One of my oldest and dearest friends is a gay male who is also obese. In fact, he is a few weeks behind me in getting the sleeve. I will discuss this article with him to get his opinions. He was truly blessed to find a loving partner over 16years ago, who has been with him through "thick and thin". ( His partner is actually average sized) What I find interesting is his partner is against him having the surgery. I believe it is due to religious beliefs about the medical world in general, but I also wonder if there isn't some part of him that is afraid my friend won't stay with him if he loses all his excess weight. I have said it loud and long that weight discrimination and bigotry is pretty much the last tolerated and accepted form of abuse. Be it gay, straight, bi or even celibate. Society as a whole dislikes fat people and has no problems letting it be known.

[SJMusicalman103 25]

This article went around on Facebook this past week! It hits home so much for me... The last time I was in a gay club - I was standing by myself texting a friend while other friends were dancing.. When I looked up there was a group of 6 or so younger gay "men" looking at me, pointing and laughing (or throwing shade)... It was so hurtful and I wasn't doing anything to them... I didn't say anything to my friends until we left because I didn't want to start a fight.. My friends were furious and wanted to go back and confront them but to me it wasn't worth my time... I haven't been to a gay club since then... I'll go to an occasional piano bar because the crowd tends to be a little older... But I really don't feel like I "fit"!

[gamergirl 4,610]

This article went around on Facebook this past week! It hits home so much for me... The last time I was in a gay club - I was standing by myself texting a friend while other friends were dancing.. When I looked up there was a group of 6 or so younger gay "men" looking at me' date=' pointing and laughing (or throwing shade)... It was so hurtful and I wasn't doing anything to them... I didn't say anything to my friends until we left because I didn't want to start a fight.. My friends were furious and wanted to go back and confront them but to me it wasn't worth my time... I haven't been to a gay club since then... I'll go to an occasional piano bar because the crowd tends to be a little older... But I really don't feel like I "fit"![/quote']

I used to go dancing at gay bars when I was younger so as to avoid guys trying to pick me up. I would dance for 8 hours a week and I was just there for the exercise so it was a lot easier. I was fairly horrified by the way the guys talked about others they considered unattractive, whether men or women. Somehow, it's okay for gay men to be the worst b/tches and not be criticized for it, whereas the rest of us would be censured for even thinking like that.

Had a taste of it again last week when I was traveling with a team of extremely judgemental women and a few gay men. Being around those men made it "okay" for everyone to pick on the potential clients we'd just presented to. "Omg did you see her helmet hair??" No actually I just saw that she was a sweetheart and very smart.

After hours of this, I couldn't take it anymore and I said, "you guys are the worst b/tches I've ever been around. I really wonder what you say about me when I'm not around."

They thought that was FUNNY. That it was funny that they were b/tchy. I wasn't being funny, I was disgusted. But culturally we've made it okay for gay men to criticize everyone else's fashion sense.

My gay male friends feel even more pressure to be skinny and beautiful than do my female friends. It's very oppressive for them and it's so not okay!

Your experience makes me sad. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. How is that not wrong?! That's like high school bullies. You'd think that being part of a sub-culture where some of them they were bullied, they'd know better but meanness often perpetuates meanness in small people.

Makes me angry. That's exactly what we need--for our own community to discriminate against us. Sigh. Rant over. Sending you hugs.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,146]

Hatred and discrimination of fat people crosses all barriers of religion, race, gender, and sexuality.

And it is, for the most part, socially acceptable.

It will be hard to break down the fattitude barriers.

[Justinh125 472]

I loved the way he put it: "Its not bigotry if we deserve it."

I was just recently arguing with someone who discriminates against the person that I used to love because of that person's large size. Apparently they don't see it as discrimination because they perceive it as a health issue, even though this person's health is absolutely fine.

Thank you for sharing this important article

[Mike in LA 14]

Wow ... hits close to home. Always being the big guy when going out and trying to blend in or disappear as to not get any attention was always the goal. I worked extra hard to make sure I was put together, to dispel that stereotype that a big guy was always a bit of a slob ... Living in a large city like LA makes it even worse. People out here are so focused on the "look" and some people have no issue making rude comments as they pass you on the street in certain parts of town.

My true friends never made it an issue, but after battling my entire life with this challenge, it was definitely a part of the decision to get this surgery. I can tell you since I'm almost 4 months out and almost 80 lbs down, my confidence is totally changing. I always felt I carried myself proudly, but this has helped boost that confidence. I can walk in a room, a bar, a restaurant, you name it and my size isn't the first thing they see.

I'm still on the journey, but ever so glad I started down the path!!

[poohbear1019 31]

Wow! This thread has been my life! It's just not gay bias (which I have experienced) but I've walked into a store or restaurant where the employees would start laughing at me. And it's like, why are you so mean?!

Even though I'm "skinny" now. I'm still afraid to go out. Especially bars. But at the same time I'm very lonely :-(

I wish all of you the best of the best!

Nicky

[Zappo 8]

I totally agree, it's crazy how accurate the article is. I'm 22, and as you all know the gay community idolises you when you're young. 18-20, I was out every night and had tons of friends who I'd see out every weekend clubbing, but thanks to a medical complication, I put on 30kgs and have felt like a total outcast since then...

As I said, that article is eerily accurate

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. *hugs* People can be so darn mean sometimes!

This article went around on Facebook this past week! It hits home so much for me... The last time I was in a gay club - I was standing by myself texting a friend while other friends were dancing.. When I looked up there was a group of 6 or so younger gay "men" looking at me, pointing and laughing (or throwing shade)... It was so hurtful and I wasn't doing anything to them... I didn't say anything to my friends until we left because I didn't want to start a fight.. My friends were furious and wanted to go back and confront them but to me it wasn't worth my time... I haven't been to a gay club since then... I'll go to an occasional piano bar because the crowd tends to be a little older... But I really don't feel like I "fit"!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I've always said, you will never be able to change anyone else. All you can do is change how you react to them. Sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself, no one deserves to be treated like they are lesser than. I've had to fight for myself many times when someone who was supposed to care for me would say awful things to me and try to break me down. I learned to fight back though, and even though the taunting never really stopped, at least that person knew that I never backed down, and I would never be what they claimed I was. That was the best feeling.

I have forgiven that person, because even though when I was going through it, it was hurtful, but the end result this person helped to shape an incredibly strong woman who will never back down and never give up.

Not only that it has taught me to step away when necessary too. It's ok to let others drown in their own sesspool, because it's usually their own tears they're choking on.

Best wishes to you all.

Edited March 11, 2014 by LilMissDiva