female only what do I do?

[Lovelycurves 94]

I'm 21 years young and been with my husband for 4 years. We've been married for 2years. My surgery is in April and I've been thinking alot about what I want. I feel like I settled down too soon because I have dropped everything for him. Which I'd never do for anyone but him I did. I love him dearly but I think this surgery will year us apart. Partly cause I will actually have confidence and I feel he doesn't want me to be happy with myself sometimes. How do you tell your spouse whom you do love dearly that you want to separate so you can find yourself. Because I really need to find myself I just feel that love isn't enough anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Do I just write him a letter and leave while he is at work or do I sit down with him and break it this way? Do I wait til after my surgery to see if my feelings change? I'm so lost right now and really need advise. I love my husband but is that enough cause I am so young and having second thoughts about him being my future... I don't want to end up like my parents with 3 children and divorce because he cheats or I do not that I would and my mom didn't but just saying. I want to be happy, he makes me happy but I feel like i'm not happy the way I should be... What do I do? I'm scared to talk to him about these feelings so this is why I ask if I should leave while he's at work with a long letter... Please help!

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

When the priest said for better or worst. That was the time to back up. I must be honest with you.

Now I was married way before your age.

Leaving a note is thinking like a child running away from your problems. No one is force to be with someone that makes them unhappy. You should talk to your hubby about how you feel & make your decision base on what he tells you. Don't think cuz we are gonna be extra sexy our spouse are gonna leave us. If it happens that way then you guys didn't love each other that much to stand by each other. I had many issues but its all gone now.

Good luck to you & I do wish you the best & make sure you are heard & the feelings are mutual.

[Lovelycurves 94]

I did mean for better or worse when I married him. And believe me I've been through hell with him. I don't want to get into detail about what I've gone through but the last year has been lie after lie from him and him blaming me for what's happened and not blaming himself and I've stood by and I think all these things were coming back up in my mind that I just wonder if I made the right decision. We both have talked about our relationship and we both think this way sometimes but we always get through it but this time i'm not sure I want to work through it. This doesn't make me wrong for my feelings. I got married in a court room with justice of the peace not a priest. We have our problems and i'm not the first person to feel likethis. not trying to sound Bitchy or rude i'm happy your problems have passed, but i'm not the first or last person to want to separate to find themselves...

[ElleG 394]

I would seek guidance of a spiritual leader... I agree with Mami, please don't leave your husband with a note. I'f that man loves u, respects u and is not abusive toward u he deserves better than that even if u decide to end the marriage.

Best wishes!!! (HUGS)

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

If your unhappy & he is a liar then do have a sit Down & tell him you want out. Your young & you have the right to be happy. After surgery you get this huge confidence & that you are in control & either our spouse accepts us or its over.

I don't put up with my spouse crap! There is so much help for single ppl especially with kids. Me he got it together real quick cuz I pack up my stuff & the kids & I was out the door. I didn't care about nothing.

[lmcgloon 127]

1) Don't leave a note or leave while he's gone. Unless there are extenuating circumstances like abuse, that is not the proper way to end a relationship let alone a marriage.

2) If you're unhappy, talk to him. Marriage is hard, I mean really hard. I've been married for 3 years (together for 6) and we've had our fair share of hard times. Open communication is key, if you feel like you can't talk to him about the things you're feeling, find a professional who can help you. You need to be honest with yourself and your spouse.

3) If you're just nervous and worried about how things are going to be post-op, take deep breaths. A lot will change, that's for sure, but most of it is for the better. You will feel happier about yourself, and, if your husband is supportive, he will be proud, too. Has he been supportive of your decision so far?

It's completely normal to be nervous about what the future holds, but don't leave your spouse because you're afraid of what might be. Only you know the dynamic of your relationship and if being with your husband truly makes you unhappy, then it probably is best to divorce, but I can tell you this: I thought (quite frequently) about splitting w/ my husband pre-op, but I've come to realize, that it wasn't him I was unhappy with, it was me, and my life and marriage have improved immensely in the 2 months I've been post-op

[heather200202 73]

Imcgloom, I totally agree with your last paragraph.

My husband and I have been at odds with each other for the past year or 2. I was so unhappy I actually did leave a couple times and wanted to divorce him every day. We talked about it constantly and for some unknown reason we stuck it out. I'm 3 months post op and our marriage is the best it's ever been. We will be married 5 years next month. I had a lot of issues with myself and was taking it out on him and blaming him for it all. I have more confidence in myself now and I'm extremely happy with myself since surgery. If you can stick it out till afterwards that would be my advice. As long as their is no violence going on.....things might change around for you both post op but then again it may not. Only you can make that choice and whatever choice you make I hope nothing but the best for you

Highest Weight: 331 Surgery Date: 11/26/12 319lbs Current Weight: 257 01/28/13 Goal Weight: 157

[annav562 40]

I know how you feel!

I have been married for 7 years but together for 13. Three years ago I felt the same way you are feeling right now. We however have a son. I kept feeling miserable and not knowing how to get out of it (marriage)..I tried speaking to him but really wasn't getting anywhere. It made things worse. He ended up moving out but within a month or two we realized that we needed eachother and truly loved eachother ..so we started going to counseling. .still lived apart but it worked!

Sometimes our own insecurities, feelings of not being appreciated or understood are just part of who we are as women. Men are guided by their brains and women are guided by their heart. That is really important to understand when being in a relationship.

Some men can be pretty clueless as to what their spouse's feel or need. Don't blame him for not understanding you right now if u feel u cant communicate your feelings to him.Let him in!

Let him know what u want and need from him but also listen to what he wants and needs from u. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Don't let it get ugly..I can see by the way u express yourself that u do love him...im sure he loves u too.

Im sure u will find yourself soon...and he will be there by your side when you do!

[erikaloftin 62]

I'm 21 also, and married to my high school sweetheart. Marriage isn't always easy. Its hard work, and sometimes not fun. We all change as we age, but you can grow and find yourselves together. If you love him at all, work it out. I'd hate to see a marriage ruined because you needed some space to find yourselves. Not many marriages can bounce back from that. All the trust is gone, and hard to gain back.

[sashalk 9]

One thing you definitely need to do is find yourself- you need to grow and develop the person you want to be. You need to make sure you have your own identity. If you can do all that with your current partner supporting you, then you would be making a mistake by leaving. You need to be honest with yourself. You need do some soul searching and figure out what would make you happy with who you are. Do you want to go to college? Have a career? Get involved on a non proffit? Start a business? You can do these things whether you are married or not. None of it will be easy , it will take a lot of work, communication, and mutual support and respect. Just think long and hard about your decisions so that whatever you choose, you will have no regrets.

[Lovelycurves 94]

One thing you definitely need to do is find yourself- you need to grow and develop the person you want to be. You need to make sure you have your own identity. If you can do all that with your current partner supporting you' date=' then you would be making a mistake by leaving. You need to be honest with yourself. You need do some soul searching and figure out what would make you happy with who you are. Do you want to go to college? Have a career? Get involved on a non proffit? Start a business? You can do these things whether you are married or not. None of it will be easy , it will take a lot of work, communication, and mutual support and respect. Just think long and hard about your decisions so that whatever you choose, you will have no regrets.[/quote']

Thanks so much, I actually ended up leaving my husband back in The beginning of the year. And I just started seeing someone new about a month ago he is very supportive of everything. And I left my ex because I found out he was cheating and he also said some very cruel things... Anyways thx for the advise.