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Advice for an oblivious girl!



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Ok so this is going to sound either mean or wierd. My best friend (Nadine's) good friend (Danielle) is a nice girl, she means well. However she has no idea how to interact with other females. She has only had a couple of female friends in her life and she is 25. My friend suggested that we put together a sort of a manual for her (and she wants us to). A manual that will outline the do's and dont's of being a good friend. Kind of a what to do and a what not to do. She is very inappropriate and she does not think before she speaks.

ex. of her behavior- One night we were out at a club with Nadine and Danielle's coworkers. ANother good friend of ours, Mindy was out. When Mindy gets drunk she does inappropriate things with guys she barely knows. We all know this but this does not need to be verbalized with everyone- especially Nadine and Mindy's coworkers (nadine and danielle became friends in college - they now work together in a corporate setting. Mindy was talking to Danielle and Nadine's coworker when Danielle came up and advised the guys Mindy was talking too to be careful because Mindy gets drunk and likes to sleep with guys she doesn't know.

another ex. Nadine and Danielle are both somewhat heavy. Nadine carries her weight well - and has curves, however Danielle does not- Danielles weight is in her midsection and neck. Nadine was upset about her weight and was trying to find an outfit to wear when Danielle made a comment about Nadine being heavy and that she was insulted because somebody said that they had the same figure. She actually said this to Nadine. Meanwhile Danielle looks heavier than Nadine because of the way she carries her weight.

In additional Danielle does not know when to leave things alone, when and where to approach sore subjects. Danielle does not think before she speaks. Danielle has had a couple of pathetic realtionships with pathetic guys and she attempts to dish out advice. She is in competetion with Nadine with everything- she always wants to have one up. If Danielle buys an article of clothing, it is only because Nadine already purchased it.

Danielle means well- she is not ill spirited she is just oblivious.

Does anybody have any advice for this little manual.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
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