Jealousy

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

Yes!!!! My hubby and I became statistics and got divorced after my surgery. He became so insecure that he became unfaithful in order to make himself feel more needed/important/worthy....whatever you want to call it(years of therapy later!) They get used to us being heavy and not getting looked at; then all the sudden they have to deal with our pretty faces having pretty bodies to match! After trying to convince me for years that our marital problems were because of my weight, I found out it weight had nothing to do with it! If there are any cracks in your relationship right now they will become worse if your not careful. This is why our post-op divorce rates are so high, especially since our self esteems are soaring and their jealousy and insecurities get worse. I'm not putting this personal info out there to be negative! I'm putting it out there so you can know what to look for and NOT be a statistic!

Mind you, I'm almost twelve years post op now....we reconciled a few years ago and guess what....he's still jealous! But in a better way! More of the "look all you want but she's going home with me" way!!! It's more pride than fear I guess.

You have more strength then me. I'm forgiving,but only to a certain point. I believe in the saying once a cheater always a cheater,but I guess people are intitle to change. Do you think if he was put on a lie detector test he would pass? I been with my husband over 16 years,and OMG!!! we have issues like no tomorrow,but my cuca is good enough for him,and no need to go else where. I'm 9 days post-up,and what man waits 3 weeks for sex? If I don't give it to him I sure don't want him getting it else where. Since I now lost 30pounds the sex is just getting better. We can't get enough of each other. I feel so sexy & so alive... So wanted.. So needed... So delicious... lolz..

I'm sorry this happen to you. I hope my husband doesn't turn around with his jealousy like before. He can have me anytime so our marriage will only get better. I'm already a good wife cook dinner 7 days a week 3 meals per day,and I'm a good housekeeper. So hopefully we will have more fun when I'm slim. I'm tired of being fat.

[Yolyann 56]

Oh man now this makes me nervous. Im pre-op, and boy am i insecure. It would honestly break my heart if my husband would get jealous. Jealousy is such a strong painful feeling.

[Sunflwr76 45]

My doctor actually warned me about all the jealousy with friends, spouses, coworkers, etc.

[mary818 66]

My bf has made comments about me leaving him As well.. Things like oh your gonna get to your goal and leave me for someone else. I think a lot of you guys said it best.. It's a lot of insecurity and in fairness to our other halves... It's something a lot of them never thought twice about, until now. Just like it may take some of us some time to realize we are attractive and deserving of the attention we may get more so now in our new bodies. Just hang in there guys and remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place

[cooksie 124]

I think it's important to remember that while your loosing weight and feeling/looking attractive again how it would have made you feel if your spouse were "flirting" when you were big. If your married there's no reason to be flirting. I'm sure it would suck if it were the other way around!

[stephane0603 2]

While I've always been a flirt, part of me thinks it is wrong for our spouses to just realize that we can be pretty. Maybe if they would have realized that earlier, they wouldn't have their own insecurities. It is sad that it takes WLS to get some to see that, or at least in my case.

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

True if your married there's no reason to be flirting,but also if your just thanking someone for saying your beautiful nothing wrong with that. Being friendly & nice can be confused for flirting. I was driving yesterday,and a guy let me make my left turn he could had kept going because I didn't have the right away. 30 pounds before I would be waiting there till there's no car to let me make a left turn. 3 guys try to talk to me & smile politly & kept it moving. I was 211 pounds feeling depress sad,and my husband always wanted me but I wasn't getting the attention I want. BAM!!! I lose 30 pounds in a short time,and men are checking me out. My husband wants me all the time. Who wouldn't feel good??? I'm not skinny yet,but I feel so damn sexy-attractice,and having people even let me make my turn as a driver. I feel like the hottest thing.

[dmariesc 84]

Vamp maybe your husband could go to one of the support groups with you? I'm sure there are other spouses that may feel the same way and going through the same things as couples that you are. My husband has went to all the appts with me and now is going to have the surgery also but we have been through lots of therapy over the years....we divorced young, separated for ten years then remarried each other and now it is better then ever...we both realized that being together was what we wanted for ourselves and our boys and we have worked hard together to keep communication open. It is not easy and needs to be a two way street for it to work. Best of luck to you !

[tragedy 6]

if a man didnt want me or look at me pre surgery ill be DAMNED if i want them looking at me now.

and if my husband dared to say "but you look so good now...." i looked good ALWAYS.

surgery wasnt for looks at all for me. my ego was always huge lol

[stephane0603 2]

if a man didnt want me or look at me pre surgery ill be DAMNED if i want them looking at me now.

and if my husband dared to say "but you look so good now...." i looked good ALWAYS.

surgery wasnt for looks at all for me. my ego was always huge lol

Me too tragedy. That's where our struggle is now

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

if a man didnt want me or look at me pre surgery ill be DAMNED if i want them looking at me now.

and if my husband dared to say "but you look so good now...." i looked good ALWAYS.

surgery wasnt for looks at all for me. my ego was always huge lol

I like your way of thinking. I was 135lbs 15 years ago. No matter what other ppl say having kids put weight on me & lots of it. I always ate like no tomorrow,but not all day,but let's say there was hardly any left overs. Had kids thought I can continue eating like always. I started gaining weight. Got asthma within a few years. Had 2 more kids,and had a back injury at work. Gain more weight. Starting having problems with my knees. I decided I had enough of being fat. So if my husband is enjoying me losing weight I'm glad & happy. I'm sure he finds me attractive no matter what,but everyone looks better slimmer. My big stomach have always bother me so just imagine it gone. I will have the best sex ever.

[tragedy 6]

I was 114 pounds in my 20s ... thyroid, mid thirties baby, a mega love of foods that are way too bad and super laziness (ill be the first to admit) put me to 313...but my attitude and self love hasnt changed one bit....

what did change was the fact that I cant keep up with my severely autistic daughter, i had sleep apnea, a d was afraid of dying young (and wiping my own ass wqs becoming a struggle....tmi)

PERSONALLY, I find bigger women more attractive, my hubby never was with a thin woman, all the men I dated were strict chubby chasers and I never had a problem finding men attrated to me.

It would be offensive to me for someone to think that after losing weight Im somehow more desireable....to who? the undersireables?

[TinyMamiOf3kids 1,280]

My husband got used to the weight gaining thru out the marriage but I don't think he loves it. He loves me but I don't think he would had thought my weight would get so high. I got surgery for my self. No one especially my hubby told me to lose weight. I did it for me & I'm saving to lift my arm-boobs-tummy tuck. I want to feel good about my self & being fat never made me feel good but I'm loving my self now. Hubby seems to love it also. I think the way I was behaving was pushing him away from me. I wanted no sex tmi sorry if he came in the shower I was like go away. I was wearing big clothes hiding my self. Would eat fast food in my car. Didn't want anyone to see me. I felt nasty. Now that I feel good I don't mind being nude having sex. My husband kisses me now it's been months of leave me alone with twice a month sex maybe. I think any men wants there wife more then ever looking good & feeling good about her self.

[armywifet 26]

My husband is supportive. I do wonder what will happen when I get thin and pretty. He hated my weight but I think in a way it was his control, but now he won't have it. We love each other and plan all the activities we will do together. But I still wonder how he will be

[sweet 98]

Totally agree with you tragedy!