Psychotherapy

[Sleeved in Seattle 280]

So my sugeon required only a presurgical checkup by a psychologist, not ongoing visits. But I feel I could benefit from some help in that area and since I couldn't stand the smarmy psych I saw, I found another one who sounded good on paper. But as I've mulled over our first visit I'm filled with doubts that I can't decide are legit or not.

So you guys get to offer some opinions. :-)

The therapist specializes in women with eating disorders. She works in tandem with nutritionists. All good so far. But in our session she made several statements that raised flags for me, but that I didn't call her out on at the time:

1. She's seen "lots of people" fail at this surgery

2. She said there was no way I would get to 125 lbs. given my age and the fact that I like to eat, and that I should face that sooner rather than later.

3. She was shocked that I came from a family of skinny people and asked several times if my sister and brother were anorexic.

4. She insisted I make an appointment with one of the nutritionist, even tho they're all "young and skinny". She's neither but she wasn't super overweight either.

Dunno, writing this makes her sound really bad, but she's witty and asked good questions ... opinions?

TIA (again!)

Lisa

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Hmm.. If she's witty and asked good questions, maybe she's trying to put you at ease - albeit in a bit of a clumsy way... Is it a possibility that because you're a bit brighter than your average, it has left you a little bit skeptical about the profession and their representatives? I can imagine that as a consequence of her perceived 'flippancy', it has got your guard up a bit. There's no judgement in this - and I, certainly, would have raised a few eyebrows about the familial history interrogation. Fundamentally, she should be shutting up a bit and letting you speak; THEN asking some questions. Bottom line, I think this chick means well, but has a bit of.. hmm.. what could we call it? Mission drift... My advice? Give it one more go and if she goes 'off plan', get your verbal scythe out. After all, if you don't, you'll only be wasting your time and hers. x

[Sleeved in Seattle 280]

Coming from from you, someone I find well wittier and smarter than most, I love the compliment, thank you! The job search has put me in a funk over the last few days and that was the other thing - therapy lady made a comment about how much harder it is to get hired when unemployed over 50. I mean, yes, I am sarcasm girl (er, wizened hag), but jeez!

Thanks for making me feel better Mme. R.

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Aww, that's very sweet, thank you.

So she started off well by hitting a rather raw nerve.... As an aside though, other than to express empathy with your employment efforts; what in the holy-blue-hell was she passing comment about employment prospects for females in certain age groups???!! Is she pinning that on you for a reason as to why you're eating, or was it just general comment?

Are you paying for this privately, or is health insurance covering it? I hope it's the latter.

Judging by that comment, I would definitely put her in the 'flippant' category and if she did it again, I'd be very tempted to say 'Excuse me, no disrespect intended, but unless the commentary about the lack of employment opportunities for women in their 50's is in some way going to be tied into my endeavors to lose weight and my long-term relationship with food; I'd prefer it if we could get on with the task in hand please...

Hmm.. I think this therapist talks too much...

(Says the woman who talks far too much herself )

How about asking her straight about what her therapy entails. If you tie her down to methodology and expected deliverables it might focus the discussion more; as opposed to you having to suffer her commentary on social employment issues and whatever other random things pop into her head at any moment!

[ReDbEaN 654]

I agree with Madam, I would give it one more go...I do think she, as a counselor, really needs to think before she speaks. I don't know if I could hold my tongue if she started on again about familial sizes, failure, etc...I mean seriously, wasn't she there to listen NOT discourage? And honestly, I don't care how witty she is, she has been trained on how to talk to people and it sounds like she did not do right by you. Soooo... try one more session and see how that works; if it doesn't work out, then there are other counselors who you can find:)

[ItsMe2033 143]

I haven't read your other posts, so I don't know if you consider yourself to have an eating disorder or not. Not everyone who is overweight has one. If you consider that the primary responsibility for your weight was an eating disorder then I would give her a couple of more sessions, so you can see where she is going with this.

If you don't think your weight is related to an eating disorder, then I would not go back to see her, but instead find someone else.

[gettingAllieback 15]

Pre-sleeve here, but I'm an LICSW Social Worker. First visit: she should've worked on building a repoire with you, asked you about your goals for "the work" in therapy and played to your strengths. I like none of what she said. She'd get only more chance with me. That being said, there's a therapist for every client. If you like her, and she helps you, then so be it! There's a million out there...

[UberBuffaloGal 20]

Dear Sleeved in Seattle,

I would definitely, chat with a few other therapists. Many will have a free consultation. That being said, I am a marriage and family therapist, I have seen many people fail and eventually succeed at goals others thought where unattainable Also, if I had a couple come in whom asked me for help and I gave them divorce statistics, do you suppose they would come back? My job is to listen to my client and give them tools to move towards their goals. My opinion on how they should live their lives, has no place in therapy, in my opinion mind you. Good luck :-)

[gamergirl 4,609]

So my sugeon required only a presurgical checkup by a psychologist' date=' not ongoing visits. But I feel I could benefit from some help in that area and since I couldn't stand the smarmy psych I saw, I found another one who sounded good on paper. But as I've mulled over our first visit I'm filled with doubts that I can't decide are legit or not. So you guys get to offer some opinions. :-) The therapist specializes in women with eating disorders. She works in tandem with nutritionists. All good so far. But in our session she made several statements that raised flags for me, but that I didn't call her out on at the time: 1. She's seen "lots of people" fail at this surgery 2. She said there was no way I would get to 125 lbs. given my age and the fact that I like to eat, and that I should face that sooner rather than later. 3. She was shocked that I came from a family of skinny people and asked several times if my sister and brother were anorexic. 4. She insisted I make an appointment with one of the nutritionist, even tho they're all "young and skinny". She's neither but she wasn't super overweight either. Dunno, writing this makes her sound really bad, but she's witty and asked good questions ... opinions? TIA (again!) Lisa[/quote']

So my two cents? We already doubt ourselves. What we need is someone who can believe our outlandish sounding goals are possible. I don't like her statements about people who fail with surgery or that you can't get to 125 lbs. NO ONE knows what you can get to. You might well get there. I don't care if 100000 others have failed. You might be the one that doesn't and I would want my therapist to not limit what was possible for me based on her pre-conceptions, rather than based on my behavior or my body's limits.

Of course you like to eat. Show me a VSG patient who got fat by hating food and crying at the thought of mealtimes. So?? It means nothing for long-term success esp since many skinny people like to eat too! She doesn't know you well enough to say these things yet.

Sorry I'm ranting but a little mad at her and I don't even know her! Lol. Witty is good, but effectiv, emphatic and optimistic are better

I could be totally wrong too of course

[Sleeved in Seattle 280]

I doubt you're wrong, GG. And thanks to everyone who responded. I'm going back to the drawing board to find someone else.

I feel like the Elephant Man: 'I'm a human being' and I deserve to be treated like one. (You can't see me - fortunately- but I'm making like an elephant. Lord. I think I got too much sun today. It all went to my peabrain.)

[southernsoul 773]

Pre-sleeve here, but I'm an LICSW Social Worker. First visit: she should've worked on building a repoire with you, asked you about your goals for "the work" in therapy and played to your strengths. I like none of what she said. She'd get only more chance with me. That being said, there's a therapist for every client. If you like her, and she helps you, then so be it! There's a million out there...

I totally agree with Allie. I'm not licensed yet, but I'm in my second year of a masters program in mental health counseling & I will be a licensed therapist before too long. I can't imagine making such statements to a client in the first session. She has no idea what you are capable of, nor does she have a reasonable idea of your strengths and challenges. Allie is right...there's a therapist for everybody, but I'm not sure I'd give this one another shot. Her opinions have no place in the therapeutic process. Kudos to you for recognizing that some extra help would be good for you, but don't let a misfire with the first one deter you. Good luck!