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The indignities of being obese



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Whenever I am doubting this journey that I am on, or feeling like it's too extreme a measure to take to get healthier, I try to reflect on what my life has been like as an obese person. As shameful as it is to think about these things, it really strengthens my resolve to take control of my life and my health. Maybe it will help others, too.

I am tired. I am tired of...

- having to buy clothes solely from catalogs or website

- having to think "Can I fit? Can I walk that distance? Will I bump something if I try to squeeze through there?"

- having my kids assume I ate the last of ANYthing in the house

- not doing things or going places because of how I look

- having difficulty getting clean

- losing my breath over the simplest physical movements

- aching all over my body

- having sleep apnea

- not being able to be a passenger on my husband's motorcycle because I'm too heavy

- assuming that anytime someone treats me poorly, it's because I'm fat

- the looks of pity...or, even worse, disgust

- knowing that, as much as he loves me, my husband doesn't find me attractive

- feeling like such a failure because I don't have "any willpower" or "If you just tried such-and-so you could lose weight"

- being constantly aware of my body

I'm sure y'all could add your own.

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I was tired of ppl asking or assuming I was pregnant... Um, nope, just fat.

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- knowing that, as much as he loves me, my husband doesn't find me attractive

Right there, that stopped me in my tracks and damn near broke my heart. I am so sorry darlin' you feel like that. Loving someone is being attracted to them. All of them. Inside and out. x

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I was tired of ppl asking or assuming I was pregnant... Um, nope, just fat.

Ya, I slugged em for that. :D

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You are not alone in any of those things!

I wonder if I will actually clean my house more often when I have lost weight. Right now I am too heavy to do a good job.

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-Too embarrassed to go to the lake or float the river 'cause everyone would see my fat white legs in shorts (I used to be a whitewater rafting guide so this one really hits home)

-My ankles hurting so bad by the middle of the day I can hardly walk.

-Feeling really bad that my poor horse has to carry my fat ass around.

Actually, these were the last three "straws" that convinced me to have this surgery. There's a huge list of other little things, but whenever I start having doubts and fears, these are the three cons that pushes sleeve surgery back to the top of the list.

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Thank you for this post, I'm having a lot of negative self-talk lately and am doubting myself. This is a good reminder why I'm doing this!

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I want to be able to go places with my family. For the past two weekends, I have chosen not to go on activities because I don't want to be seen this large.

I want to sit on my sofa and not have the cushion sink all the way down.

I want to sit on folding chairs and not be afraid they will break.

I want to walk between the aisles in my classroom and not worry about bumping my kids with my hips/butt.

I want to walk around my school without sweating and being out of breath.

I want to be able to clean my house without my back hurting.

I want my plantar fasciitis to go away.

I want to sleep the whole night and not wake up with back pain at 3am.

There is so much more...

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Yes to the folding chair thing! Summer is the worst for this with lawn chairs and such.

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I want to stay alive to see my grand kids if and when they come along and to see my children grow into adults

I want to go swimming on the beach I live by without green peace flying over shouting " keep her wet" "turn her over"

I want to shop in a normal size shop

I want to feel better about myself

I would like to be able to wipe my bum without feeling like I'm taking a job in mission impossible

Is like to be able to stick it to my parents and show them they can't make fun of my size anymore

And lastly.. I wanna be normal

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I want to be able to go places with my family. For the past two weekends' date=' I have chosen not to go on activities because I don't want to be seen this large.

I want to sit on my sofa and not have the cushion sink all the way down.

I want to sit on folding chairs and not be afraid they will break.

I want to walk between the aisles in my classroom and not worry about bumping my kids with my hips/butt.

I want to walk around my school without sweating and being out of breath.

I want to be able to clean my house without my back hurting.

I want my plantar fasciitis to go away.

I want to sleep the whole night and not wake up with back pain at 3am.

There is so much more...[/quote']

I related to what you put about plantar fasciitis and wanted to tell you it does go away! Yay! I'm down 68 pounds and no longer have any issues with my feet. Something to look forward to!

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I related to what you put about plantar fasciitis and wanted to tell you it does go away! Yay! I'm down 68 pounds and no longer have any issues with my feet. Something to look forward to!

That is the best news I've heard all day!

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Whenever I am doubting this journey that I am on' date=' or feeling like it's too extreme a measure to take to get healthier, I try to reflect on what my life has been like as an obese person. As shameful as it is to think about these things, it really strengthens my resolve to take control of my life and my health. Maybe it will help others, too.

I am tired. I am tired of...

- having to buy clothes solely from catalogs or website

- having to think "Can I fit? Can I walk that distance? Will I bump something if I try to squeeze through there?"

- having my kids assume I ate the last of ANYthing in the house

- not doing things or going places because of how I look

- having difficulty getting clean

- losing my breath over the simplest physical movements

- aching all over my body

- having sleep apnea

- not being able to be a passenger on my husband's motorcycle because I'm too heavy

- assuming that anytime someone treats me poorly, it's because I'm fat

- the looks of pity...or, even worse, disgust

- knowing that, as much as he loves me, my husband doesn't find me attractive

- feeling like such a failure because I don't have "any willpower" or "If you just tried such-and-so you could lose weight"

- being constantly aware of my body

I'm sure y'all could add your own.[/quote']

The worst one was hearing you have such a pretty face. Only if you would just lose the weight.

Linda305

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I am tired of being alone and not feeling worthy of being loved... It's tough for anyone but in the gay community we are particularly critical of each other... I am tired of constant stomach or IBS issues... I know it's tough road but I'm looking forward to see where it leads... I also can't wait to shop in a "normal" department store!

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I don't go to the grocery store nearest my house for fear I will run into someone I know.

I won't return a Facebook message of a friend I haven't seen in 15 years because she wants to get together for coffee and I'm embarrassed by what I've become. (My rational mind knows she will NOT judge me.)

I won't shop at the mall to shop for clothes - I only shop on line.

I have no pictures of myself in the past 15 years - I am always the one taking the picture so I don't have to be in the picture.

I felt the same way about my husband until we sat down and had an honest conversation about my weight for the first time in ....well, ever. I told him I can't believe he finds me attractive and would want to touch me. I was wrong and let's just say, things in that department have been much, much better in the past couple of months. It was MY hangup, not his.

Stay strong! Believe in yourself.

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    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

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      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
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      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

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