Why are we sooooooo hard on ourselves?

[unbesleevable1 420]

I have been on this forum for a little over a month now. I am pre- op and I have really been enjoying hearing everyones' stories and experiences.

Here is what is getting old: Everyone is SOOOOOOO hard on themselves post-op! Hearing people say they are one day post op and are already in a stall, 3 months out and they've ONLY lost 50 lbs, ate a carb or gained 1 lb or .....

I think this speaks a lot about our expectations going into this process. I read these things and I want to shake these people! We did not gain 100+ extra lbs overnight. Be kind to yourself. Practice patience and gratitude on a daily basis. Stop comparing yourself to others. Get off the stupid scale. Stop obsessing and start accepting yourself and your journey. Ask yourself, 'what would I tell my best friend if she/he came to me with these problems?'

Ok Rant over, Thanks for Listening!

[gmanbat 5,889]

Ya, you get the sleeve, the weight slides off, and in 6 months you look like Justin Timberlake or Katie Perry.

Not in the real world.

But people in pain want the pain to stop.....now. If you have ever had a gall bladder attack you know what I mean. Time stands still. Obesity is a world of pain.

If you've ever been in prison and had 3 days left....longest days in your life.

You have great hope of something wonderful ahead and you're like a kid saying,"Are we there yet?"

Stalls are frustrating, I understand the thousands of threads that get posted concerning them. They never bothered me but I am not like normal people, at least my wife says so.

[Kennedy 100]

I try not to get too down when I don't lose what I think I should have or, Heaven forbid, gain a pound. I really struggle with being afraid of screwing this up. I guess because I have lost so much over the years, only to put it back on and then some. I feel like this s my last chance. I want to feel better last Sunday, I was so depressed because the scale hadn't moved that I went to bed at 5:45 in the afternoon. I heard myself say to my husband that how is it that i eat next to nothing and have mutilated myself by having the majority of my stomach removed in a dangerous surgery and I'm still a loser. My brain knows the how's and whys, but it's so hard to not feel that way. I'm trying to work on this. I gave so much to lose and I'm terrified I'll never get there.

[No game 14,437]

I try not to get too down when I don't lose what I think I should have or' date=' Heaven forbid, gain a pound. I really struggle with being afraid of screwing this up. I guess because I have lost so much over the years, only to put it back on and then some. I feel like this s my last chance. I want to feel better last Sunday, I was so depressed because the scale hadn't moved that I went to bed at 5:45 in the afternoon. I heard myself say to my husband that how is it that i eat next to nothing and have mutilated myself by having the majority of my stomach removed in a dangerous surgery and I'm still a loser. My brain knows the how's and whys, but it's so hard to not feel that way. I'm trying to work on this. I gave so much to lose and I'm terrified I'll never get there.[/quote']

It's ok Kennedy,

We have all gone through this. You want to be realistic and patient but it can be a head trip somedays!

It's a hard realization when we find out its not as simple as calories in and calories out with our weight loss..

I knew about the stalls and the slow losses. I knew it all before I was sleeved. Did it help on those hard days? A little, but there still was (is) hard days.

[buplee 556]

I try not to get too down when I don't lose what I think I should have or' date=' Heaven forbid, gain a pound. I really struggle with being afraid of screwing this up. I guess because I have lost so much over the years, only to put it back on and then some. I feel like this s my last chance. I want to feel better last Sunday, I was so depressed because the scale hadn't moved that I went to bed at 5:45 in the afternoon. I heard myself say to my husband that how is it that i eat next to nothing and have mutilated myself by having the majority of my stomach removed in a dangerous surgery and I'm still a loser. My brain knows the how's and whys, but it's so hard to not feel that way. I'm trying to work on this. I gave so much to lose and I'm terrified I'll never get there.[/quote']

I understand what you're feeling and can only say hang in there. At my first weigh in I was so upset that I only lost 20llbs in 30 days. I was so angry, because I had unrealistic expectations of my results. I spoke to the vets at my support group and connected with people on this forum who helped me get my head together. I've also experienced stalls but stayed the course and stuck to the program. The stalls broke and then happened again but I still stayed the course.

I hung in there during the bad days, but I stayed on the forum and stuck close to my best supporter -my wife. She talked me through the tough times and celebrated my good days. We didn't get overweight overnight and we won't lose it overnight either. I was convinced the sleeve wouldn't work for me and I was going to be a failure. However, I am now 7 months out and 95lbs down, so the surgery does work. Keep your head up and stay the course. Good luck to you on your journey.

[zenandnow 514]

Ya' date=' you get the sleeve, the weight slides off, and in 6 months you look like Justin Timberlake or Katie Perry.

Not in the real world.

But people in pain want the pain to stop.....now. If you have ever had a gall bladder attack you know what I mean. Time stands still. Obesity is a world of pain.

If you've ever been in prison and had 3 days left....longest days in your life.

You have great hope of something wonderful ahead and you're like a kid saying,"Are we there yet?"

Stalls are frustrating, I understand the thousands of threads that get posted concerning them. They never bothered me but I am not like normal people, at least my wife says so. [/quote']

This is a great way to look at it, thanks for the alternate POV, Gmanbat!

[gamergirl 4,610]

I have been on this forum for a little over a month now. I am pre- op and I have really been enjoying hearing everyones' stories and experiences.

Here is what is getting old: Everyone is SOOOOOOO hard on themselves post-op! Hearing people say they are one day post op and are already in a stall' date=' 3 months out and they've ONLY lost 50 lbs, ate a carb or gained 1 lb or .....

I think this speaks a lot about our expectations going into this process. I read these things and I want to shake these people! We did not gain 100+ extra lbs overnight. Be kind to yourself. Practice patience and gratitude on a daily basis. Stop comparing yourself to others. Get off the stupid scale. Stop obsessing and start accepting yourself and your journey. Ask yourself, 'what would I tell my best friend if she/he came to me with these problems?'

Ok Rant over, Thanks for Listening![/quote']

I said the SAME thing pre-op! I told myself people were insane to not think their weight loss was spectacular. When else had they lost so much? Why could they just not relax??

Moreover I told myself I was never going to be like them. I would expect a stall, I would be grateful for the weight loss and I'd cut myself some slack for crying out loud.

And then post-op.

I stalled. I hated it. I understand why it happens but that didn't mean I liked it. I didn't post on here complaining because I knew it would happen, but I hated it and it scared me.

I feel I'm losing very slow (30 lbs in 9 weeks counting pre-op). I totally realize that it's THIRTY lbs, but I now wonder why it's taking so long.

I obsess over every calorie and gm of carb and Water and Protein. I can't (yet) just eat a little when I'm hungry.

I am still sure I will be the one that fails to lose weight. After all, I have before.

I'm SO not the person I swore I would be post-op. Surprisingly, I'm turning out like everyone else on here.

And I still don't understand why because intellectually I know I'm following the plan, we are all different, and the weight will come off. My head gets that.

My heart and gut want to know exactly WHEN that will be happening please??!

[Peggy D 124]

Exactly, gamergirl.

I, too, think/know I'm losing very slowly. I will be one month post-op tomorrow & I am down only 11.2 pounds since the day before surgery. That other 44 pounds I lost was on the 3-month supervised diet & 2-week pre-op Clear Liquids. Never, never, in my life have I ever lost that much on any diet. The "best" I did was lose 38 pounds 40 years ago when I was 23. But, now I have this tiny stomach, have been on clear liquids & Protein Shakes for 4 weeks & just started pureed foods two days ago, so my heart & mind ask why isn't the weight coming off. It did when I was eating a lot more those 4 months before surgery.

I'm not looking for anyone's suggestions. I keep telling myself that if I continue to follow my surgeon's plan the weight will come off but, for now anyway, I don't think I'm convincing myself.

[youthguy80 65]

It's amazing how linked our bodies are. We (those who've struggled with weight) understand that we aren't just lazy and lacking in willpower. Yet we buy into that thinking because of our culture. We also get frustrated because we live in a FAST world. We expect instant results, and if we don't achieve them, we immediately think WE must be broken.

I've been in a medically supervised weight loss program for almost two years. Do you know what they stress at our weekly meetings as much as the behavior and nutrition? Positive self talk. I think there's a reason for that. It's so easy to get caught in the spiral of hopelessness. As the gentleman said, obesity is like being in prison it a world of pain. But there is a hope! And that's what keeps us going despite stalls, unmet expectations, poor choices and everything else we struggle with.

I'm so thankful for this community of people who are traveling thru this journey to health control together!

[gamergirl 4,610]

It's amazing how linked our bodies are. We (those who've struggled with weight) understand that we aren't just lazy and lacking in willpower. Yet we buy into that thinking because of our culture. We also get frustrated because we live in a FAST world. We expect instant results' date=' and if we don't achieve them, we immediately think WE must be broken.

I've been in a medically supervised weight loss program for almost two years. Do you know what they stress at our weekly meetings as much as the behavior and nutrition? Positive self talk. I think there's a reason for that. It's so easy to get caught in the spiral of hopelessness. As the gentleman said, obesity is like being in prison it a world of pain. But there is a hope! And that's what keeps us going despite stalls, unmet expectations, poor choices and everything else we struggle with.

I'm so thankful for this community of people who are traveling thru this journey to health control together![/quote']

You make some great points especially around instant gratification. I wonder how many of our previous weight loss attempts would have worked, had we given them longer.

The light bulb went on for me from watching my dog. She put on some weight because we were accidentally overfeeding her. I calculated calories and cut back her food fairly drastically. She's a yellow lab, about a year old so super active and puppy-like. And yet. It took her months to lose all 10-15 lbs despite walks and running around in the backyard like a race horse gone wild.

I think that's the first time I realized how long it takes to really loses weight. Thanks to our "I lost 30 lbs in 2 weeks" culture, we think we are failures when what we are is impatient.

Your comment about positive self-talk is a fantastic one. I am very familiar with the research on self-fulfilling prophecies and learned helplessness. Yet there are some days I struggle to apply that to myself. Most of the times I am upbeat and positive. But when I really need to be upbeat and positive is when I'm not seeing results. And of course that's the time it's the most difficult to be that way, when you most need it.

Positive self talk. Perhaps what we need to do is see that as a PROACTIVE part of our recovery. Eat your Protein, drink your Water, and take 5 minutes to think positive thoughts every day re your journey.

[Sassygirl06 962]

You haven't had the surgery yet, and still you sound very wise in this situation. You are right that there are a lot of people that are to hard on themselves, and expect way to much with this surgery. Good for you for knowing to not worry about that scale! It sounds like to me that you will do very well with this surgery, and have the right expectations too.

I am now two years and one month out from surgery, so I have a very different prospective on this surgery now then you do, as well as a lot of the posters on here, but yet I still agree with a lot of the things you said. It is hard in the beginning of this journey for people to give themselves a compliment, take a complement,and think positively about them selves.

I wish you all the luck with the sleeve that I have had! I am half way through my plastics journey, and have a whole different outlook on life right now. I feel so fortunate, and thankful for everything that has happened to me in this journey, and even for the time when I was morbidly obese...because without that experience I would not be the same person I am today, and I would not be so appreciative of everything I have now.

Congratulations on making this step towards a better you, happier life, and a healthier one. Hoping for a fast and easy recovery for you!

Good luck!

[Sassygirl06 962]

You make some great points especially around instant gratification. I wonder how many of our previous weight loss attempts would have worked, had we given them longer.

The light bulb went on for me from watching my dog. She put on some weight because we were accidentally overfeeding her. I calculated calories and cut back her food fairly drastically. She's a yellow lab, about a year old so super active and puppy-like. And yet. It took her months to lose all 10-15 lbs despite walks and running around in the backyard like a race horse gone wild.

I think that's the first time I realized how long it takes to really loses weight. Thanks to our "I lost 30 lbs in 2 weeks" culture, we think we are failures when what we are is impatient.

Your comment about positive self-talk is a fantastic one. I am very familiar with the research on self-fulfilling prophecies and learned helplessness. Yet there are some days I struggle to apply that to myself. Most of the times I am upbeat and positive. But when I really need to be upbeat and positive is when I'm not seeing results. And of course that's the time it's the most difficult to be that way, when you most need it.

Positive self talk. Perhaps what we need to do is see that as a PROACTIVE part of our recovery. Eat your Protein, drink your Water, and take 5 minutes to think positive thoughts every day re your journey.

I am a strong believer in positive thinking! After my husband and I were out on strike together at the same time for 5 months with three kids we finally got a contract with our employer and were allowed to return to work. Our work sent us to a similar about the power of positive thought, and saying everyday to ourselves that today will be a good day...and when people ask us how we are doing our answer is always terrific! That if you believe that your life is terrific every day, eventually you will not only believe it, but you will live it.

On that note I just wanted to say...have a terrific day, and life for that matter!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

OP, great thread and other posters, great advice that I am going to hang on to.

There are a few quotes that have helped me to keep a perspective on life including this one:

"I have had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened" Mark Twain

How true! And the older I get, the more I realise that being positive or negative is down to me and how I react to what life throws at me. It takes the same amount of energy either way...

[youthguy80 65]

You make some great points especially around instant gratification. I wonder how many of our previous weight loss attempts would have worked' date=' had we given them longer. The light bulb went on for me from watching my dog. She put on some weight because we were accidentally overfeeding her. I calculated calories and cut back her food fairly drastically. She's a yellow lab, about a year old so super active and puppy-like. And yet. It took her months to lose all 10-15 lbs despite walks and running around in the backyard like a race horse gone wild. I think that's the first time I realized how long it takes to really loses weight. Thanks to our "I lost 30 lbs in 2 weeks" culture, we think we are failures when what we are is impatient. Your comment about positive self-talk is a fantastic one. I am very familiar with the research on self-fulfilling prophecies and learned helplessness. Yet there are some days I struggle to apply that to myself. Most of the times I am upbeat and positive. But when I really need to be upbeat and positive is when I'm not seeing results. And of course that's the time it's the most difficult to be that way, when you most need it. Positive self talk. Perhaps what we need to do is see that as a PROACTIVE part of our recovery. Eat your Protein, drink your Water, and take 5 minutes to think positive thoughts every day re your journey.[/quote']

I wanted to clarify that I've not mastered this! Haha. However, when I look back over the last two years, I see TONS of growth in this area. It's also given me a chance to Celebrate growth in areas of health, especially non scale growth.

Our homework from the nutritionist this week was to take the quite she gave us in class and put it on our bathroom mirrors. How easy is that? Yet how beneficial!