I know its a compliment but still

[Heyher 581]

So on another thread I posted about how at my six week appointment the NP commented on how narrow my hips are. I have broad shoulders. With the roid rage, I shall now be called Gru the Hulk.

[cindymg 629]

I really love it when people go on and on and on about how good I look NOW! All I can think is "wow, I must have been truly hideous before!"

But I keep that to myself and just say thank you. Then change the subject.

[newat52 1,613]

I would prefer nothing said. My weight is not what I am about. That is just my personal preference. I will usually not bring up someone's weight unless they do. This just comes from the 500 or so pounds I have lost and found over the course of my life.

Oh, and a thought about the MIL. As a relatively new MIL, I see it both ways. Just remember, that MIL raised the most amazing man in the world. She must have done something right.

[Taels2013 33]

I know this might sound weird but I would never tell people I was dieting or discuss how I lost weight in the past because it felt like I was somehow acknowledging that I did not like myself just as I was. I think that people believe that every heavy person hates themselves, or should. If someone gave me the "wow, you've lost a ton of weight" line, I'd probably respond with "wow, you're still ugly." Hee. I'm a jerk.

[Macy6 356]

Why must the amount of weight lost be similar to that of an elephant?

I know this is a serious post, but this made me giggle. I think I am going to remember that for the future.... "actually I have lost closer to an adult sized Labrador, although I have always been a fan of elephants!"

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I can top this.

after losing 125# - I finally brought up to my (now ex) significant other,...."so have you noticed I look any different?". Seriously, my life partner never said a word of compliment or even indication he had noticed.

I know it can feel awkward the way that people make compliments, but i try to remember how uncomfortable for them it can be too. Morbid obesity makes normal sized people uncomfortable; they don't know what to say, when to compliment or how it can be taken. People put foot in mouth all the time; just try to not take it personally.

someone I know at work is a very large lady and I had thought she was losing weight... but just not sure since when you start out super size it takes awhile to see the weight loss. I finally said something (ie that she looked slimmer and was looking great) and turns out she had lost a lot by then. I am not sure how welcome my compliment was either, it was kinda strange feeling.

[clk 3,519]

Yes, I agree that it's not so much the ton that bothers me - it's the idea that I wasn't attractive until I lost weight that bothers me!

Now it's in reverse, and people can be really insensitive when they see my before pictures. Like now that I'm thinner, it's somehow okay to say things like, "Wow, you were huge!" or "You look like a totally different person!" or the ever so popular, "I can't believe you ever looked like that."

Um, no. Thanks for the compliment (I think) but I clearly look like the same person, just bigger. Not huge. And the way I looked was larger, yes, but I really dislike comments that make me feel like I was somehow disgusting when I was larger and am only acceptably attractive now that I'm smaller.

It's just as bad as the "You have such a pretty face" comments I got as a big girl, followed by that pause that clearly said "and you'd look so much better if you'd lose weight."

Being fat is not the most terrible, unattractive thing in the world and while it's okay for me to sometimes beat myself up about my size or wanting to shed a few, it's definitely not okay for other people (who have never battled their weight in most cases), to comment on it the way they do!

~Cheri

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Well.. At least people notice you lost weight. NO ONE HAS SAID A WORD TO ME. Which is kind of ok because I have a hard time with compliments.. But still!

This is why I never compliment people about weight loss by saying they look great, I try to reference to how healthy they look.

[Heyher 581]

I know they are giving me a compliment and I try to take it as that. But at times it makes me wonder was I that big and repulsive? I got the pretty face comment before. Or pretty eyes. Or nice smile. But it kind of hurts to think people would think of heather and overweight. Like that was what defined me to them. And now they feel like they have a right to comment on it. I am the same person I was before I lost weight. Just less... Round. Nothing else has changed, so why the fuss now? Why do you now feel its okay to comment in how whaleish I used to be in your eyes? If you thought it would have hurt my feelings back then, then it would probably hurt my feelings now.

But one thing I have noticed is people I am close to are more reluctant to say something like that to me. I may hear things like I'm looking really good or I seem so much happier. It's the acquaintances that feel they can tell me I have lost a ton of weight. Like they don't need to be as nice about it or something. My old supervisor (who is not known for being tactful or nice) said to me that she can tell I have lost a lot of weight and I look happy and healthy. That was a true compliment. And coming from her, that was like the ultimate compliment.

At times I wish people wouldn't say things about it. At work I kind of enjoyed being invisible. Not having to make the pointless awkward small talk. I mean do we really care about the weather. Or is the fact that its Monday really that devastating? Yes I am aware that Wednesday does mean the week is half over. And OMG it is Friday!! Lets all Celebrate so we can come back and be depressed all over again on Monday. Now I guess since I am skinnier people can talk to me.

Since I no longer have fat to keep people away I guess I will have to work on my RBF.

Resting b***h face.

[Jen35 283]

The other day my THERAPIST (of all people) fed me the most hated non-compliment a fat woman could ever hear:

"You have such a pretty face."

Coupled with the gem, "You'll be so attractive when you lose weight," I let her know right then and there to NEVER say that to an overweight person again. Good Lord.

Anyway, I feel you, Heyher! Some people just don't know how to say things tactfully although they mean well. Funny how weight loss also brings with it some frustrating social scenarios!

Wow - I'd be finding me another therapist! My therapist made me write a list of all the beautiful things about myself (and then added to it herself) prior to surgery. The point being that all those things will still be beautiful after surgery and no matter what I weigh.

[clk 3,519]

At times I wish people wouldn't say things about it. At work I kind of enjoyed being invisible. Not having to make the pointless awkward small talk. I mean do we really care about the weather. Or is the fact that its Monday really that devastating? Yes I am aware that Wednesday does mean the week is half over. And OMG it is Friday!! Lets all Celebrate so we can come back and be depressed all over again on Monday. Now I guess since I am skinnier people can talk to me.

Since I no longer have fat to keep people away I guess I will have to work on my RBF.

Resting b***h face.

Right?! I spent what, nearly seven years as my husband's invisible fat wife. I did the same baking, the same housekeeping, raised my kids once I had them and my stepkids when they were with us - nothing, NOTHING has changed to people outside of my normal circle except my weight. People that know me get the newer attitude, the confidence, etc. but that's different.

And now, I'm super wife to all my husband's coworkers. What? I mean, I spent YEARS being ignored. Do fat people really make other people this uncomfortable? Years, literally, where the most effort anyone would expend getting to know me was a nod or a "Hello, nice to meet you." And now they flock to compliment me, to talk to me, to ask about my day, my feelings, etc. Everyone tells my husband how lucky he is, how jealous they are that he has "the whole package." Seriously - a coworker said this to him the other day! Like, what? I'm a valuable commodity now that I'm attractive to more people? Whatever!

People are SHALLOW. And yeah, I can say a lot of my attitude is different, I'm out in public more now, I'm more approachable, blah blah blah but I know that a huge part of it is that both men and women are nicer to attractive people, and most people don't consider someone who is overweight attractive.

That may sound controversial or mean or like I'm not cutting people slack. But in my experience it is absolutely true. People treat me differently. I walk around the same way and strangers approach me for small talk in the store. I get hit on by men constantly (it doesn't help that my wedding bands need resized because they're way too big, either) and even women treat me very differently. Not just new people - people that I've known for years and years suddenly think my opinion is worth more or that I'm worth more social effort.

It's total B.S. and I wish they'd go away. Sure, it's flattering. Sure, it could go to my head if I had less sense and a lower self esteem. But in truth, I'm a sarcastic little mean person on the inside and I always have been, so a big part of me wants to stand up on the table and shout out that no shallow bastards are allowed to talk to me.

I'm definitely down for practicing my RBF. Because seriously, people need to leave me the hell alone.

And I'm thankful I'm not single. Because I'd have to weed out the shallow, thoughtless jerks and wonder, "Would this person be talking to me 80 pounds ago?" I have a husband that loves ME - he picked me big, loved me when I got bigger and loves me now that I'm smaller (even if he laments the loss of his plump wife) - my size was never a major factor in our relationship. He didn't love me in spite of my size, even if people seem to insinuate that sometimes when they talk to him. Like he took a hit having a big wife for a few years or something. It's disgusting and yeah, it makes me really angry.

Bleh. Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread with my personal rant!

~Cheri

[Jen35 283]

I don't know what is worse, getting these backward compliments or not hearing anything at all. I've been very open about my surgery and I've lost over 50 pounds. It's obvious. But most people (other than family) haven't said anything about it. Like at church. These people see me 2x per week but they say nothing. I know they would mention it if they didn't know about the surgery. I'd be getting "wow, you've lost so much weight" and then probably "how did you do it?". Well they know how and maybe that's why they don't mention it???

[clk 3,519]

Now, up until about sixty to seventy pounds off I can really see someone that isn't in your very close circle not commenting. I would HATE to be that person to bring it up and compliment a person just to be told that nothing has changed. People are either outright rude about other people's weights or they don't bring it up at all. So most people wouldn't bring it up until it's very obvious, unless they knew a person was trying to lose weight and were looking for the differences.

Even I didn't really see a big difference in myself until sixty pounds. My husband could see it but I didn't. Family asked if I was losing - they didn't say, "Congrats, you look good and you've lost weight." So I think that it's when we clock the really big losses that people seem to come out and notice.

But Cowgirl Jane's SO? No way. That's way too much weight for a person that sees you regularly to let slide. That's not okay.

~Cheri

[Heyher 581]

Right?! I spent what' date=' nearly seven years as my husband's invisible fat wife. I did the same baking, the same housekeeping, raised my kids once I had them and my stepkids when they were with us - nothing, NOTHING has changed to people outside of my normal circle except my weight. People that know me get the newer attitude, the confidence, etc. but that's different.

And now, I'm super wife to all my husband's coworkers. What? I mean, I spent YEARS being ignored. Do fat people really make other people this uncomfortable? Years, literally, where the most effort anyone would expend getting to know me was a nod or a "Hello, nice to meet you." And now they flock to compliment me, to talk to me, to ask about my day, my feelings, etc. Everyone tells my husband how lucky he is, how jealous they are that he has "the whole package." Seriously - a coworker said this to him the other day! Like, what? I'm a valuable commodity now that I'm attractive to more people? Whatever!

People are SHALLOW. And yeah, I can say a lot of my attitude is different, I'm out in public more now, I'm more approachable, blah blah blah but I know that a huge part of it is that both men and women are nicer to attractive people, and most people don't consider someone who is overweight attractive.

That may sound controversial or mean or like I'm not cutting people slack. But in my experience it is absolutely true. People treat me differently. I walk around the same way and strangers approach me for small talk in the store. I get hit on by men constantly (it doesn't help that my wedding bands need resized because they're way too big, either) and even women treat me very differently. Not just new people - people that I've known for years and years suddenly think my opinion is worth more or that I'm worth more social effort.

It's total B.S. and I wish they'd go away. Sure, it's flattering. Sure, it could go to my head if I had less sense and a lower self esteem. But in truth, I'm a sarcastic little mean person on the inside and I always have been, so a big part of me wants to stand up on the table and shout out that no shallow bastards are allowed to talk to me.

I'm definitely down for practicing my RBF. Because seriously, people need to leave me the hell alone.

And I'm thankful I'm not single. Because I'd have to weed out the shallow, thoughtless jerks and wonder, "Would this person be talking to me 80 pounds ago?" I have a husband that loves ME - he picked me big, loved me when I got bigger and loves me now that I'm smaller (even if he laments the loss of his plump wife) - my size was never a major factor in our relationship. He didn't love me in spite of my size, even if people seem to insinuate that sometimes when they talk to him. Like he took a hit having a big wife for a few years or something. It's disgusting and yeah, it makes me really angry.

Bleh. Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread with my personal rant!

~Cheri[/quote']

Love love LOVE this!!! So much of this is something I could have written myself.

I speak sarcasm fluently but now that I'm skinny it's funny. I'm no longer the jaded fat chick.

Whatever. I'm skinny, hot, and funny. But you my dear still look constipated.

Many of times in the past few months that almost flew out of my mouth. If I won the lotto last night I wouldn't hesitate to say that. But stupid mortgage keeps me coming back to talk about the weather and how much better Friday is then Monday. Ugh.

And that hijack was flawless. :-)

Judges score:

Nutter butter (friends reference)

[Heyher 581]

I can top this.

after losing 125# - I finally brought up to my (now ex) significant other' date='...."so have you noticed I look any different?". Seriously, my life partner never said a word of compliment or even indication he had noticed.[/quote']

Oy.... That's cold and it makes me sad Gru the Hulk.

At that point I would take the ton of weight "compliment" in a heart beat.

Edit:

With my bloated belly due to steroid Water retention I now look like pregnant Gru the hulk.

Man I'm hot...