stacechase

My story starts when I was a child, maybe about 9 or 10. I always believed that I was fat, although looking back on photos, I wasn't fat at all. My childhood best friend was incredibly skinny, and I thought that was the way I was supposed to look. As a young teen, I was always interested in fashion (ah, growing up in the late 80s! DJ Tanner was my hero, and I rocked several layers of socks, wild-colored leggings, and the side ponytail like it was nobody's business). I have always put a lot of effort into my appearance, enjoying fashion and makeup.

As a high schooler, I never was asked out. Not once. I never went to a dance, ever. I had a lot of friends, but boys never wanted to ask me out. I was sarcastic, witty, and had built quite a sturdy emotional wall around me. I never believed I would ever have a boyfriend. I asked boys out, I was never afraid...they all turned me down. I was about 160 lbs, a size 12. Not really fat, but definitely not what the boys wanted when I was surrounded by tiny cheerleaders.

I had a boyfriend from age 20-22, I was pretty thin at this time as I was depressed prior to us getting together and not eating much. I was a size 10, and as if often the case in comfortable relationships, he and I enjoyed eating together, and I started to gain. I went through a few phases from 2002-2006 of losing and gaining.

Once I moved into my own apartment in 2006, and since that time, I have steadily gained. I can't believe I am at 300 lbs now. I have a serious sugar addiction, particularly chocolate. I use food as a crutch for every occasion: bad day? McDonald's. Good day? Yay, let's get some ice cream! I also live alone, so it's incredibly easy for me to binge, and no one will ever see it. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm lonely (which is often, when I'm at home). I don't really date, I never get asked out. I feel sad and unattractive. I want to be able to date, go out and meet new people, have fun...but my weight has made me increasingly depressed and anxious. I don't like to be in public very much because I'm convinced that people are thinking about how fat I am.

Several years ago, I decided to look into weight loss surgery. I went to a 3-hour seminar about all of the different surgeries, and decided that the sleeve was right now me. I met with a surgeon who was incredibly cold and rude, and it really turned me off from continuing to pursue surgery. This past March (2013), I decided to re-examine the vertical sleeve. I met a wonderful surgeon (Dr. Marc Zare in San Jose, CA) and my insurance is paying for 90% of my now-approved surgery! I will be sleeved on August 19.

I know this will be a challenge for me, particularly because I have some pretty deep-seeded issues with emotional eating. I am beginning work with a therapist and nutritionist to make sure I stay on track; now is the time to change my life, and I am so excited for the challenge and for the results.

Good luck to all, and thank you so much for all of your stories, information & inspiration you provide through this website.