Need help with what to tell a few people?

[Taylor06 9]

Hi All,

I need some suggestions/opinions/help with a situation. My husband is getting the bypass surgery at the end of this month and I am getting the sleeve the middle of next month. We have only told certain people and I don’t plan on telling very many people-just because I have seen firsthand some of the negative reactions and once you tell someone you can’t take it back.

So here is my first situation-one of my best friends is having a birthday party for her son right after my husband has surgery-so I want to tell her he is having surgery, but don’t want to tell her what it is for, she has the biggest mouth and is the type to say (in front of a room full of people) oh you look so great since your weight loss surgery!

We also have neighbors that we aren’t planning on telling just because we don’t want a lot of people knowing. My sister told me it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but I really just am not at a point of being able to deal with anything negative right now. I might be able to tell more people after, but not now.

So here is my question-did anyone say they were having surgery, but say it was for something different? Also, how did you handle the questions after about losing the weight-without mentioning the surgery? Thanks for any help or suggestions! Thanks!

[Richard Foor 655]

I personally did not hide my surgery at all but I do understand it is different for other people. I have read on here where others have just told people they had abdominal surgery without going into further detail most people won't ask to many questions if you tell them something like that and stop short of giving any further details. Others I have seen have told people they had their gall bladder out especial if they do that with it. Good Luck and enjoy the journey.

[piercedqt78 658]

You could just say you had stomach surgery (hernia?), or the gallbladder. Both require a restricted diet during post-op. Then say you were doing do good on the post-op diet that you decided to stick with it. That's what my best friend told everyone after his RNY. He was almost a year out before anyone other than me, and his parents knew.

[stephanie1678 80]

Here are some options:

• I had a gastric ulcer taken out (just don't mention they took a big part of the stomach with it)
  
• I had a hernia repair (true for many of us I guess)
  
• I had exploratory surgery due to explosive diarrhea (this will stop the questions immediately)
  
• We are trying to have another baby or 5 and want to make sure all my plumbing works (this works best if you are over 50)
  

[newat52 1,612]

What people need to remember is you and your husband don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. Your husband may not be feeling up to going so you don't need to say anything, if he does and someone asks, both of you simply say, he needed to have a medical issue addressed, but he is doing well, thanks for asking and change the subject. If they persist, repeat. People will get the message.

During this time, you and your husband need to concentrate on your health. If this is something you would like to keep private, that is your right. If they are friends, they will understand, if they feel they are entitled to know, they are placing their desire to know over your need to have them understand. At that point, I would re think the friendship.

Good luck to you both, a very positive and courageous step for both of you!

[zbeeze 17]

I am 8 months out from my surgery last November. I only told specific friends and one family member. My response to everyone else is "I came to the point in my life that I needed to make major changes in my lifestyle so I could be healthy". I just leave it at that and not one person has snooped further or bothered me about it.

[PGee 318]

This is a toughy for me.....I'm pre-op and still working on what to tell people.

If your husband isn't going to the party, could you just show up that day alone and say he's not feeling well? (I'm sure he'll be sore at least and not feeling his best)

[gaijingal 62]

I was worried about this too, as my sister's wedding was shortly after my surgery. My whole family was going to be around, watching me not eat. "Luckily" I had an unrelated abdominal issue shortly after surgery, for which I had to visit the ER a few times. Even though everyone knew my problem had nothing to do with my GI system, they all happily accepted that I was only eating Soup and Protein Shakes because it "upset my stomach" to eat.

I don't know if guys will get away with this so easily, but women definitely will, as I have experienced. No one wants to probe too much, and end up hearing the gory details of your plumbing problems!

[joatsaint 2,814]

I don't come right out and tell anyone that I've had WLS, unless they ask specifically if I've had surgery. Anyone that asks how I'm losing weight, I tell them the truth - I have drastically cut back on the amount I eat and I do lots and lots of walking. And when people try to get me to eat stuff I shouldn't, I just say thanks and politely tell them that I need to stay on my eating plan.

[nj8988 18]

Gallbladder surgery hands down. Doctor recommended not eating "normally" for 3-4 weeks.