female only Husband problems..

[JessicaAnn 564]

At first he was all supportive and into it. Now that surgery is only 10 days away he's gotten really snippy. He told me that I'm so obsessed with this surgery that he's tired of hearing about it and he even went as far to say that I'm being selfish and not putting my family first. He also said I'm neglecting my "duties" as a housewife/mom because I'm so obsessed with surgery. Part of me thinks he's scared and insecure, but when I ask him he denies it and says "if your going to leave then just leave". Maybe that's his ego. We've been together for 5 years, married for 2, and have 2 kids together. We usually have a pretty good relationship too.

Anyone else dealing with a significant other like this?

[diana89131 258]

The first thing my husband told me when I told him about the surgery was that I was going to leave him when I got skinny. It mad me so mad. I told him I am not with you cause am I chubby and can't find someone else, I am with you because I love you and our family. Plus when we first starting dating I weight 150 and I still picked you. I think he was just scared and insecure.

We is so supportive now, to the point it gets on my nerves lol.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

He is scared of losing you. But after it's done, he will be fine. He will reap the benefits of a healthier wife and your little ones will have a healthier mom that can do more things with them. This is part of change and we are always going to have change. I had to stop talking to my husband about diet etc because it drove him crazy. This is life now and it's so much better for me.

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Your story is exactly mine pre op. As soon as I returned from MX, he was so happy and totally supportive. He was scared I wouldn't make it but never admitted it or knew how to express himself other than with anger. I'm sure your husband will come around after it's all done.

[NewAshes 232]

This surgery can test relationships for sure if seen some break up and divorce posts but it just sounds like he is afraid of losing you. He may deny it but make sure to reassure him you love him and won't go anywhere. I'm surprised my bf hasn't told me to shut up about the surgery..when I'm excited about something that's all I talk about lol. Good luck to you and hopefully things work out!

[Tracy2801 25]

My husband has always been supportive however; as time is getting closer he did say "when you get skinny you will leave me". I told him if it was that easy I would have done it years ago. I have 28 years invested in this marriage...I do believe it is insecurity knowing that while one is getting healthy the other may not be. He started the liquid diet with me today in support but I also know the snappy, underlying issues are with him and not me. It will work out but I have tried to say things to him as well how much I appreciate his support, going on the liquid diet with me and what fun we will have when we have grandchildren one day....

[ChristineR 128]

Mine wasn't too bad preop but he was a bit of a beast post op. Started drinking a lot and criticizing my parenting, my house cleaning abilities, leaving me with the kids alone within 2 days of being home from the hospital .... you name it he was upset. Then when the burden of the extra work with the kids and cleaning lifted he was back to himself. Ten weeks later he's a new person and wanting to get into shape himself, always seems more pleasant, hardly ever makes a critical remark. I didn't know if our marriage was going to survive those few weeks after.

I don't think it was the surgery itself but the fact that he had to do everything which he has never had to do.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Ok. No matter how intelligent they are.. Men can be so stupid. Women too, but we're talking husband at the moment. Some husband have no clue how to communicate their feelings and sometimes it isn't always good. They are clueless. Chances are really good that he is overcome with a million thoughts and feelings of the "what ifs"

I totally understand your obsession with your surgery.. I was that way too.. And it's partly excitement, nerves and finally getting to the part where your life is going to change for the better.

Only thing I can suggest is include your husband in anything you talk about doing post surgery. Things will work out.

[Vixynne 695]

I think it helped in my case to have a "support person's seminar" where spouses, SO's, friends, etc, can attend (the surgery patient has to pick just one person to attend, though); it was a great chance for questions and concerns to be addressed by a medical professional. I've noticed a definite uptick in support after that seminar--is there any chance your husband could have his worries addressed this way before The Big Day--even through a phone call, a Skype session or some emails to your surgeon, maybe?

We all fear what we don't understand, and since many guys have been taught that fear is a weakness, they resort to lashing out. Understandable, maybe; but not the best way to support the women they love!

[abranewme 98]

I think my DH thinks I'm going to get skinny and leave him too... Little does he know how OVER AND DONE I am with dating PERIOD. I got all that out my system before I got married. I love being in a relationship and married. I think the weight has kept attraction from random strangers at bay for the most part but I still get "looks" even with the weight. I know it's probably going to get FAR WORSE as the pounds come off. I'm more worried about his reaction to people's reaction to me than about me ignoring it.

[Vixynne 695]

I think my DH thinks I'm going to get skinny and leave him too... Little does he know how OVER AND DONE I am with dating PERIOD. I got all that out my system before I got married. I love being in a relationship and married. I think the weight has kept attraction from random strangers at bay for the most part but I still get "looks" even with the weight. I know it's probably going to get FAR WORSE as the pounds come off. I'm more worried about his reaction to people's reaction to me than about me ignoring it.

Maybe he can learn to see it as a point of pride! Instead of being defensive and reacting with thoughts like, "hey, whatchoo looking at, that's MY woman!" maybe he could spin it to be "yep, that's right, that's MY girl--eat your heart out, sucker, she's with me!"

[JessicaAnn 564]

Thanks everyone! I know we're going to be ok, its just frustrating to deal with. I think part of it is because he won't be able to come to the hospital with me. His a-hole boss won't give him the time since he's working towards a promotion.

[Molly3 495]

This is a big ordeal.....it involves everyone in your family! He is going through a lot of emotions as well & he'll be there for you & support you!

I 2nd what Ms.AntiBand said!

HUGS-

Molly

[maharet111 544]

Thanks everyone! I know we're going to be ok, its just frustrating to deal with. I think part of it is because he won't be able to come to the hospital with me. His a-hole boss won't give him the time since he's working towards a promotion.

Could he file under FMLA? If not your hubby's boss is a d**k and he should rethink wanting to be promoted there!

[Chellemetime 299]

I know this is a late post but I just read this one. My husbands father passed away when my husband was 18 years old from the Gastric Bypass so it as so VERY hard for me to decide to have the sleeve. I pondered for 2 years because my husband and I had been married for over 27 years. It was the hardest decision to go ahead with it. My husband was not, of course very supportive and even made the comment the day before my surgery that he couldn't believe I was going to go through all of them just to lose weight.

When I came out of recovery, he was fine. He's been a WONDERFUL support every since and is so proud of me. He was just afraid he would lose me.

He now feels the same as I do (I'm 7+ months out). It was the BEST thing I ever did for myself.

Focus on YOU! You can focus on your hubby afterwards.