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Dating and letting them know you had surgery



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As harsh as she put it I have to agree but she coulda said it a little more tactful.

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Oh la la my kind of guy!!!

And I like a mix of carpet and hard woods <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':P' />

Laura -- you do make me laugh!

Sent from my iPhone using VST

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If it were me, I wouldn't actively seek to share or hide that bit of information. I'm a super open person and and I find that it comes up naturally in conversations all the time. For me, I wouldn't want to be with somebody that couldn't handle being with a sleever. Truthfully, I wouldn't respect them as a person.

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I guess I think of the surgery as a huge change in my life. Something that I'm sharing with family and close friends. I can't imagine not telling someone that I'm dating. When to tell them, I'm not really sure. I do wonder though if the guys she was dating were really shallow and were worried that she was going to gain weight or if it would just be too much baggage to deal with? There's a whole game show called baggage about the junk we we carry from our past. We've all got it, when you bring it up is always a huge question. When do you tell them that you have a mental illness? When do you tell them that you've got an alcoholic mother? When do you tell them that you've been divorced or have children? I think it's really all a matter of your own preferences.

Tell your friend to keep trying. A respectful and worthy man who will appreciate her is out there!

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As a single guy, to be honest I don't think I will be telling anyone I date post surgery that I've had WLS. It's not like I'm not telling them I have an std or something that is medically relevant to them.

If I had, say... Laser eye surgery 5 years before we started dating, am I required to tell the person? It doesn't affect them in any way, shape or form.

On the other hand, if they notice scars, or ask why I eat so little, then I'm not gonna lie about it either.

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I don't think I would try to keep it a secret. Obviously we don't need to tell our dates about our entire medical history, but this is something that does effect our daily interactions with them. It effects how much we can eat and what we can eat. If we have to keep secrets like that from the person we are dating, it's probably not going to be a healthy relationship.

And...why are there all of these woman posting in the Man Room?

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I don't think it's lying. If you didn't have wls and lost 100lbs with diet and exercise, would you have that conversation?

Like I said before, if she asked I would absolutely be honest. But why should it matter to her if its in the past. Would you tell her you had your tonsils out when you were 5? It shouldn't matter.

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At 8 months out, I think I could go on a normal date and do normal date things without him knowing. I'm married...so no dates. But my life is pretty much back to what a normal life should be now. I can tolerate most foods (in smaller portions) and a glass of wine without any problems.

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Sorry, please disregard previous post. I didn't see this was in the man room...sorry.

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    • LeighaTR

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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