"what if they say I am too big?" input, please

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I have a question. I was discussing Yoga with a friend who is not getting WLS, but is in the process of losing weight. I have several times tried to get her into the studio with me, and there is always a reason why she cannot. She does/will exercize alone.

Recently she asked me "are you sure I will show up and they will let me in?". I responded that they rarely get so full they turn people away, etc. She corrected me by saying, basically, she meant would they tell her she was too big, or that she did not meet the image they wanted, etc.

This broke my heart. I just hurt inside for her as I realized what she meant. It has been bothering me sooo much. I brought it up to the young ladies that own the studio I go to, and I hope to turn this into a positive, really, really soon.

In the meantime - have you ever felt that way? I have sometimes - horseriding (but not will they turn me away, but because I know those horses can take me, when they can take a friend of mine who is 6'8 and gear weighs 450 lbs together. I literally felt sorry for the horse - silly yes) or carnivals (used to, yay NSV - but because I actually did not fit). I hav efelt I did not fit in, and yes (but not in yoga) felt judged, for lack of a better word coming to mind. However, I do not think I have ever worried about exercize and being turned away, as in refused to be allowed to participate.

I NEED to be able to talk to people who have experienced this and are at a positon that they feel they can really, truly answer some candid questions. I can't ask my friend, I do not want to emphasize that fear to her, or make her feel like I find it odd, or such. It is not, but she is really sensitive right now.

All imput is welcome, no matter how random, or critical (of me, NOT of the people who feel this way).

Feedback...discuss!

[dionysus69 29]

I HAVE MADE IT A POINT TO NEVER LET MY WEIGHT STOP ME BUT YES VERY EMBARRASSED WHEN I TOOK TENNIS LESSONS AND WAS TREATED LIKE A JOKE!! THEN THERE WAS THE TIME I WAS AFRAID TO ZIP LINE BUT WHEN I OPENED MY MOUTH THEY SAID NO PROBLEM WE HAVE DIFFERENT EQUIPTMENT BUT EVERYONE CAN DO THIS!! SO I HAVE SEEN BOTH SIDES AND TELL HER GO TO YOGA HOLD HER HEAD UP AND FOCUS ON THE GOOD SHE IS DOING!!

[Webchickadee 716]

Yes, I know EXACTLY how this feels. I have avoided even trying certain activities I've wanted VERY much to do for years, out of fear of "being turned away" for being too big/heavy, etc.

I wanted to zipline, horseback ride, go to the amusement park, bungee jump, rock climb, go on a Segway tour.......and lots more. I didn't do any of them because of weight restrictions and my impression that I would be WAY over the top allowed level and/or laughed at.

Now that I'm down so much weight (about 70% to my GW of 135 lbs), I can do all of these things. But my husband is still quite big (6'2" and 275 lbs) and is still not able to participate in many of these activities. We went to Mexico in January and they had a Segway tour on the resort. We had done Segway in France on our honeymoon and we LOVED it. But the operator in Mexico was hesitant to let him ride, as he was near the top end of the weight restriction, especially when the Segway was in the sand, etc. I'm sure it made him feel terrible to be "borderline". I did everything I could to downplay the risks and told him if he couldn't do it, there was no way I would do it either (on principle!). I'm sure that just made him feel worse, as it meant he was holding me back.

In the end, we both ended up going, having a great time and had no problems. But it was stressful, awkward for him and a bit heartbreaking.

[kyllfalcon 768]

This reminds me of something I just became aware of yesterday, pertaining to how we can be treated so differently when large.

I am in physical therapy for two herniated cervical discs. I am going to the same therapy facility as when I had a total knee replacement back in 2010. (Yep, falling apart here...) The physician who owns and operates the facility treats me no differently now than in 2010; he seems to be a genuinely kind and caring person, and I feel that he addresses ME, not my body. But his assistants and employees treat me much differently now. They look at me, they speak with me (not just to me), and they seem to care more. In 2010 I was heavy, not at my peak, but still quite heavy. And in 2010, no eye contact, no chit chat, no interaction, just directions.

I have given this quite a bit of thought and I don't think it's because I am behaving differently. I have always thought that I'm the funniest person I know and that I can get a fence post to laugh at and talk with me!! I never met a stranger. I truly believe THEY are behaving differently because I am a normal size now.

I hate this kind of thing. I am sorry we have to endure such treatment. I am sorry that your friend anticipates rejection. There is a reason she feels that way.

[Pinky Green 260]

I had lost down to 175 in 2009 before I went to Guatemala and then gained up to 240 before my surgery and even then when I went up Volcan Picaya I was not in good enough shape to get all the way up without help and opted to rent a horse to go the rest of the way. And then near the top they told me it was too steep for me to ride the horse the rest of the way and I would need to go on foot but I took one look at where I had to walk up and decided I really couldn't go any farther. I imagine that I probably would have made it all the way up if I had been near my goal weight of 130 lbs and I felt embarrassed that I had spent $6 to go and then $12 to rent the horse and still wasn't able to go all the way up to the top of the volcano.

.

[abetterme4.2 268]

Ok...I wanted to do yoga and I was afraid of being too big for yoga, although I was flexible. Notice: I did not say I could balance well for a big girl.

I went to the yoga instructor and asked BEFORE class if I was too big to participate in her class. If she felt I was, "tel me and don't spare my feelings. I don't want to waste my time or yours thinking I can be in this class without ridicule."

She smiled and told me I would be fine. She would assist me with any modifications needed.

Best thing ever. Really! She walked around the room and gave direction and would occasionally stop next to me and show me a modification to the pose, all without interrupting the class. YAY!! She has 80 people per class, and turns others away when at capacity.

For the extra reassurance, I would have the friend speak to the instructor before hand and just let them know they are interested. I think it allows the instructor to feel free to offer modifications without embarrassment or prejudice to either one of them.

I now go once per week and love it!

Hope this helps!

[Losin4good 685]

I have faced a number of times where I felt embarrassed or discriminated against because of my size.

One time at a public pool i overheard someone say they shouldnt allow fat people in the pool because they are gross and take up so much room.

I have lied about not liking roller coasters, because i was too embarrassed to admit i just dont fit. I have declined dozens of nights on the town with friends because i hated the weird looks i got at the bar. I was shopping for a bed once and the sales manager insulted me about my weight. I can go on and on.......

And i can sympathize with your friend.....i would be and still are too embarrassed to walk into a yoga studio. Its intimidating. Even though I have lost over 130 pounds, i am still a fat girl inside and worried about being judged.

Its funny because in a lot of other ways i am a strong, confident, determined woman. But there is always the vulnerable side of me. And i am working on the mental aspect of it along with the weight!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

This so sad and a very hard situation to address. It is such a delicate topic too. I would talk with her heart to heart if she asks, but otherwise, be kind, loving and supportive of her and she will feel comfortable soon to talk about it......But just be sure that it is in a private place and she knows that what she shares is safe with you.....

[Tabbi84 0]

My first time going to Yoga years ago (wasn't as big as I am now, but still very big) was nerve wracking, I purposefully picked a place that had classes during school and work hours (I was a uni student at the time so routine flexible) to avoid the kinds of people I thought I would find in the class that might be nasty.

I ended up in a class that was taught by a 80 year old woman who was amazing, and the majority of the class were older than me too and lovely people.

These days I do pilates when I'm able to, at my physiotherapists- I've chosen to go there rather than any gym classes for the reasons that your friend is scared of. I've found doing it this way it's a place that I feel comfortable in, I know the people leading the classes (everyone is lovely!), and they know specifically what I can and cannot do and what areas I need to focus on.

I'm in Australia, I assume most everyone on here is in the USA, but maybe your friend could look into doing something like what i just described- at least until she feels confident enough in her abilities and being around others to join you xx

[Newme48 104]

I have experienced the same looks from complete strangers. It does hurt and it can make you avoid things. I had a nice experience with a yoga instructor. She was very helpful and made the experience good. I have to say the most disappointing experience for me is when we take our son to an amusement park, in the past it has been Disney world, Hershey park, six flags, dorney park you name it. I would sometimes try to get on a ride if it looked like I could fit, only to be disappointed when the three of us get on the ride and I have to pass. This was so embarrassing, especially when strangers on the ride would stare and laugh. Hurtful because I can't experience roller coasters which I used to love, with my son and then catch a glimpse in his eye that I am different from other moms. That experience is what started me on my journey to WLS. I cannot wait till I can go back to some of those parks!!

[BKLYNgal87 503]

I can relate big time. Especially with amusement parks . I can't recall anyone ever specifically telling me I was too big, especially to participate in some form of exercise. But there have been times over the years when I opt out of doing something for fear of being too big or physically challenging activities because I either thought I couldn't do it or I didn't want the people around me to see me struggle.

I was in Egypt a few years back and went on a trip to the Sinai. My tour group was scheduled to do the trek up Mount Sinai to visit the famous monastery and watch the sun rise. I didn't want my tour mates, who were all my age, skinny, and in much better shape, see me wheezing and huffing and puffing the whole way up, or worse yet - see me give up. So I pretended to have a bad headache that morning and I didn't go. One of the bigger regrets in my life.

I do group class yoga. When I started at the studio I really thought I was making a fool of myself. The studio staff and class members were very supportive, but I hated that all of them had years of experience on me. So I switched from that studio to my gym, and now there are many big ladies in my class and we are all trying to lose weight. We're no yoga masters but we all have a lot more fun. The class is more oriented toward fitness anyway so it's a better fit.