Why not admit to surgery...

[threebeauties 0]

I have only been banded a little over a month, but I have only told 3 friends (who live far away and don't know any of my other friends), my kids and my parents. I have chosen not to say anything at this point for a couple of reasons --

1) Family and friends have watched me try dozens of diets and, while I have always lost weight, I have always gained it back and the last thing I want my skinny sister or her obnoxious husband to do is to roll their eyes and send the big "Here she goes again...let's see how long THIS one lasts" message.

2) I do not want to be watched like a hawk and to be quizzed as to whether or not I should be eating a particular item or be interrogated regularly about 'have you lost another pound yet???' In fact, one of the three friends I told is driving me nuts with this. I finally told him to back off and if I lose another pound he will be the first to know -- until then...don't ask! Now I wish I had only told two friends!

I don't plan to keep it a secret forever, but I do want to get the weight off and KEEP it off for at least a year before I start espousing the wonders of the band to family and friends. The proof will be in my success and it will speak for itself. That way there will be no eye rolling and snickering about 'here she goes again'. I just don't need that in my life at this time.

I can completely understand where Kat is coming from, though, too. I would be far more inclined to share this info with strangers than with family, friends or co-workers for some reason. I do have one cousin who I will probably tell sooner than the rest, as she and I have had parallel struggles with our weight and share the same family issues and backgrounds that probably helped us to have the screwed up view of food that we do. I love her and I want her to live for a very long time. I just didn't tell her yet because I do not want to burden her with having to keep that secret if folks in our family start to comment about my weight loss.

Anyway...I know that is long...but that is why I opted to keep mine a secret...for now, anyway.

I agree with you 100%. You have talked about all the reasons I chose to keep this to myself. I too will share when I am successful.

Keep up the good work!

[Wheetsin 714]

If someone really wants to know, all they have to do is ask themselves, "So what?" The answer is there.

People might say this or think that. So what?

Often the answer looks something like, "I would be a failure" or "I would be emabrassed" or "I would have low self worth", etc.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because Sally made fun of me."

"So what? What does that mean to you?"

"It means she doesn't accept me".

"I really want to ask this girl out but I can't."

"Why?"

"Because she might say no."

"So what? What would that mean to you?"

"It would mean I'm not good enough, or that I would have to deal with rejection."

Bingo.

[carolel 0]

threebeauties said it perfectly. These are all the same reasons that nobody knows my secret except my husband. Just last night, my slim brother was sitting in my kitchen pigging out on a cheeseball,crackers, ham croissants and a bluberry dessert. He was talking about our very overweight niece who is 24 and weighs close to 400 pounds if not more. Mind you now...this slim brother just lost 80 pounds on diet pills, which he swears he didn't use, but we all know he did. Anyway, he was talking about our niece, her weight and her lack of willpower. Of course it was all negative. He was calling her lazy, good for nothing,sorry, etc.... I mentioned that she might be a good candidate for Lapband and he again commented on her inability to stay on a diet and laziness.he also mentioned that the band is an easy way out for lazy people who won't get off their carcasses and work on the weight. I wonder how long HIS weight is going to stay off!!!???? We'll see.

He had no idea that I knew what I was talking about because I've been banded since Oct.3rd and have lost 40 pounds. He thinks I have found some great willpower. Yeh! Huh-Huh!

But...this is the reason that i haven't told anyone. I WANT to tell my niece because I WANT her to lose the weight and feel better but I can't handle all the negativity. Maybe I'll just encourage her to do it and supply her with lots of support.

llewis

[Kaydotrn 1]

I have enjoyed reading this thread. I ama very open person, but I am keeping this surgery to myself (as well as DH, Mom and sister). That may change intime, but at present, I am not ready to share my plans.

That being said, I am very puzzled about the "taking the easy way out" theory. I noticed a guy in my town who was really really obese had lost a ton of weight. I have seen him walking for the past year almost daily and the transformation is astounding. I was wondering out loud in front of a friend if he had surgery or had been dieting on his own. Her response was "Oh, no, he did it the RIGHT way". Again, no "easy way out".

We all know the band is not the easy way out. We all have to watch our intake and hopefully exercise for true success. But what if it were the east way out? Where is the medal for doing things the hard way? Isn't it ultimately the goal to be healthy and fit? Who the hell cares what it takes to get there? As long as you are not hurting your body. If there were an easy button (a la Staples) that I could hit and be thin, fit and feeling great, you can be darn sure I would hit it. I wouldn't choose to struggle as I have for the past 15 or so years with the depression that comes after gaining back that 40 or so pounds I struggled dearly to lose. If there were an easy way out, I would be the first in line!

[gonnabethin 10]

Because it is no one's business. I choose not to be an open book. I grew up in a family where I had no privacy at all and boundaries were crossed constantly.

Now, here, in my adult life I get to decide if I want privacy or not.

And I want privacy about the band.

Lots of people have regretted sharing it because people ignorantly confuse it with a bypass and wonder why they aren't losing 20 pounds a month. People also question whether the banded person is eating the proper foods instead of just trusting this banded adult to make his or her decisions.

AMEN!!

Im am thrilled Ive kept it to myself. I tell the truth if someone specifically asks did you have surgery or lapband. Otherwise its really none of their business. No one at my place of employment has noticed, only one of my friends has asked- she was curious, everyone else is on a need to know basis. I have no one to answer to other than the surgeon. I dont have extra help watching me and nagging me. IF I were to do it again- I would be even MORE careful not to tell. It would be me and my husband- no one else.

[lisah25 3]

That being said, I am very puzzled about the "taking the easy way out" theory. I noticed a guy in my town who was really really obese had lost a ton of weight. I have seen him walking for the past year almost daily and the transformation is astounding. I was wondering out loud in front of a friend if he had surgery or had been dieting on his own. Her response was "Oh, no, he did it the RIGHT way". Again, no "easy way out".

I so totally agree!! :clap2:

It's not a moral issue, it's a medical one. I mean, would those same people say that someone who got a pacemaker should have just worked on lifestyle changes instead? Who should care how we lose weight, as long as we do so. And improve our health.

And easy!? Let's see, we had to either get our insurance to pay for it, or arrange a way to do so ourselves. Get all the pre-surgery stuff done. Go through a major surgery. Recover from it. Then face having to make wise food choices and move our bodies if we want good results. Yes, I have a tool to help me do that, but I still have to do it.

I'd rather dig a ditch with a shovel then a teaspoon. :faint:

[ousooner 1]

That being said, I am very puzzled about the "taking the easy way out" theory. I noticed a guy in my town who was really really obese had lost a ton of weight. I have seen him walking for the past year almost daily and the transformation is astounding. I was wondering out loud in front of a friend if he had surgery or had been dieting on his own. Her response was "Oh, no, he did it the RIGHT way". Again, no "easy way out".

I have lost a lot of weight several times in my life too, the problem is keeping it off. I think I remember hearing the stat that like 80 or 90% (someone please correct me if I am wrong) of MO people who loose weight - gain it back. So the statistics show that this guy is very likely to gain his weight back. That is where I hope my band comes into play. I hope and expectation is that it will assist me in maintaining after I loose. And so what if it is the easy way out (though its not easy as we know). Everything else we do in life we always look for someway to make it easier - why do you think remote controls were invented ( to make it easier to change the channels). I can never remember my boss telling me not to find a more efficient way to do things. In fact, the goal of any business is to make things easier and more efficient. Just my 2 cents.

[Nathalie 4]

For me it's not a matter of shame, it's a matter of privacy. I'm new to my job, new to the city, new to the area. I don't have friends here, and I'm not so open with my private decisions as others. I've told my close friends and my father. My mother and sister are size 6 and 8; they think I'm fat and lazy. No need to talk with them about what I am thinking, because they won't understand.

If people at work were to ask, I may tell them, but I certainly don't want to turn into fodder for watercooler conversations. I've heard how they talk about the man in the office who openly had an RNY - they are merciless. Why add fuel to the fire? Why make myself a target. Those people aren't my friends, they don't care about me, and sharing my procedure with them won't improve the quality of anyone's life.

It's also coming at a perfect time. I go out of work for the year on 12/14. By the time I go back to work I should be a good 20 pounds thinner. Happy New Year!

Nathalie

[Riley O'Riley 0]

I just plan on telling people that my weight loss is because I'm eating less and moving more...which is the truth! I just don't think I could stand having people watching me every day to see what I put in my mouth and asking a ton of questions. My doctor, however, assures me that in a year I'll be singing the lap band praises to anyone who will listen.

[LuckyGirl 1]

For me, I am like many of you - afraid to fail - and until I know that the band works for me and I'm doing okay - I want to keep it private. My DH knows and 3 friends from work. I told my mom who told my skinny sister and that really pissed me off. They don't understand why i want to keep it hush, hush for now but I'm like, "until I know it's a success I want to keep quiet." Later, if I've lost the weight and i'm proud then I will share it but for now it's my secret. Plus, not yet banded - I am still trying to get used to this whole idea - it's blowing my mind!! I worked so hard to get approved and ready for surgery and I am SOOO excited but it doesn't seem real - that I might actually lose this weight!

[susantunanoodle 0]

I have lost a lot of weight several times in my life too, the problem is keeping it off. I think I remember hearing the stat that like 80 or 90% (someone please correct me if I am wrong) of MO people who loose weight - gain it back. So the statistics show that this guy is very likely to gain his weight back. That is where I hope my band comes into play. I hope and expectation is that it will assist me in maintaining after I loose. And so what if it is the easy way out (though its not easy as we know). Everything else we do in life we always look for someway to make it easier - why do you think remote controls were invented ( to make it easier to change the channels). I can never remember my boss telling me not to find a more efficient way to do things. In fact, the goal of any business is to make things easier and more efficient. Just my 2 cents.

The statistic is actually : 95% of those who lose significant weight fail to keep it off more than one year. A pretty grim stat, but true. I recently read an article describing a study done of those 5% who had managed to keep their weight off greater than 2 years. They concluded that almost without exception, these folks were either "exercise addicts" ie, working in gyms or spas and working out excessively, or they had developed eating disorders and were obsessive about food intake. It was on the basis of this study that I decided to research the band for myself. Almost all of us have lost and regained over and over. Some day there may be an alternative to the band but until then, It represents the only hope of a healthy life for me.

Susan

[beversman 0]

You know... I didn't think I would really have to tell people until further down the line.

Well, everyone at work found out I was having surgery though. (small town grapevine) And finally the question came out the other day.

"What are you having surgery for?"

I stopped for a second... like deer in headlights. Then, I did something I NEVER do. I lied.

I told them it was for my gallbladder. :cry It was a spilt second decision.

Probably a wrong one.

I never am dishonest, but I didn't want to be rude and tell them it was none of their business. (it isnt good to piss people off in a small town like this) BUT I don't want to tell people until I know this is going to work for me.

I am not happy with the way I handled it. I was just put on the spot and didn't know what to do.

I didn't know it would be that hard.

I'm mad at myself.

[MissyC 0]

Most of my co-workers knew from the very beginning about my surgery. Unfortunately, I really didn't have a say in the matter. I was forced to take off the entire 6 weeks post-op because my job requires heavy lifting. 1 person from my unit knew...I didn't really think to tell her to keep it private, before I had returned to work, everyone on the unit knew.

Now I know they all "watch", because I am not a fast looser.

No one has been unkind to my face though, so I don't worry about it to much.

I guess I am lucky, I have gotten no negativity or nasty remarks. In fact, most of my co-workers have been very supportive.

[belle75067 0]

I'm not shy about it either, if someone asks how I am losing weight I tell them and usually end up answering questions honestly. I have even had people ask to see how big my scars are I show sometimes.

[flabuless 18]

Yep! I am out LOUD and PROUD I pretty much tell everybody and anybody that i have had Lapband Surgery...It is quite a conversation starter! The only ones I am a little more reserved in telling are potentials that I meet internet dating...then I keep a bit mum about it. But mostly I have no problem with telling people and explaining to them how it all works!

becky