A thread for Single Bandsters

[Crazy4MyK9 0]

Hi to all you singles :girl_hug: I just thought I'd poke my head in here and introduce myself. I'm currently that wonderful trio of fair, fat and over forty but I'm working on the middle one!

I've been essentially single for 14 years now and, while I'm generally fine with it, I guess I'm getting a little lonely lately. For those of you waiting to lose weight before you get into the dating game, DON'T WAIT!! I started my single life at only 160lb (up from 125lb at marriage) and spent the first 4 years "putting on my fat suit" in response to the crappy marriage. After 4 years of absolute celibacy and stuffing my face, I opened the door to dating and discovered that, even though I was well over 200lb by then, fat chicks get dates too! It's all in the confidence - which I know is our biggest weakness, because who feels confident when they feel fat?

Since then, I have dated on and off, growing larger every year, but my "success rate" has always been tied to my current head space. My size has never been the issue. When I am open to dating and receptive and responsive to people, the dates come. When I am in my "nup, wanna be left alone!" moods, they disappear like magic.

So anyway... not trying to lecture or pretend I know the answers (coz I DON'T!!) ...just trying to give those who are "waiting for the day" a little push to get out there right now! Make eye contact and smile at everyone, regardless of who they are, and someone will notice and say hi to you!

Hi Everyone!

I've enjoyed reading some of the messages in this thread. I really liked Fanny's remarks, especially 'success rate vs. head space' and "make eye contact and smile at everyone." Dating has been a source of worry for me. I don't have a lot of experience, and God knows I want to settle down with someone, so I need to get out there and gain that experience. I guess my main problem is the lack of self-confidence because I'm not crazy about the naked me. I've had different women tell me that men don't care too much about how the boobs look as long as I've got them. Do you think this is true?

~Anne

[Fanny Adams 7]

I really am a great believer in it all being the "headspace". Of course, there are some shallow men out there who will only look at appearances and will only want a perfect pretty doll on their arm, but there are many many men who DO look for personality and charm over a perfect body.

One of the things I think we do as "fat people" is put up a mental barrier that wards off approaches or simply doesn't see them when they happen. We don't find ourselves attractive and, in our minds, our weight is one of the main reasons for that, so we project that worry onto other people and assume that they don't find us attractive because of our weight. Often, our weight isn't the problem at all - it is that we don't look happy or confident. We dismiss opportunities by thinking "Of course, he can't really mean that" or "He would never really be interested in ME!"

I've gone through the last 10 years of being in and out of the "dating" mood. For various reasons, there have been times when I simply haven't wanted the complications of a relationship and haven't been in the right mood for more casual "hookups". When that happens, I seem to close myself off from others, don't respond to the invitation in someone's eyes and the opportunities for dating just disappear.

When I am ready to date again, I make a point of opening my eyes to the people around me and it usually doesn't take that long before I have what I want (be it a casual or more serious relationship).

The "make eye contact and smile" thing works on so many levels and it should be done to EVERYONE around you, not just the man you might be interested in. This works because:

1) You will make more friends by being more open and friendly. This increases your social circle and gives you more chances to meet Mr Right.

2) It makes you more approachable to someone who might be interested. If you get a reputation for being open and friendly, that shy guy in the corner just might muster up the courage to say hi to you.

3) It tells people that you are confident and happy with yourself - who wants to approach someone who looks miserable?

Extra tip for that really cute guy you saw in the cafe/bar/wherever: If you catch his eye, give a sideways glance, small smile and (if you can pull it off) wink :girl_hug: That "joking conspiratorial glance" can make a "secret connection" that will do wonders in boosting his confidence and may make the difference between him approaching you and him wistfully thinking maybe he should have... Of course, ideally, we should have the confidence to make the approach ourselves but that's a lot easier said than done...baby steps eh?

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Piggie, I went into the chat room and couldn't find it. There was the lap band lounge and another one, but not that one.

Manatee, thanks that sounds great!

[PigsRFlying 0]

I think they are just there for a little while! Darn it.....they need a permanent singles Bandster chat room......you never know where you could meet someone! LOL

[blocka 0]

I think my luck just changed, I got a response from one of those dating sites and she seems really nice and interested

I guess I see how things turn out

[neveragain 9]

So I've met a few people off of eHarmony. What do I have to say about that site thus far, you ask?

It's crappy. haha. Hopefully it'll get better.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I like Plenty of Fish. I really enjoy the forums. They have all sorts of conversations going on there.

I live in a depressed area, and although there are a lot of profiles on

Match, Yahoo Personals, E Harmony, nobody has paid the fee. When I joined any of those, I had no way of knowing if the reason they didn't respond was because in order to get their message, they had to hand over their credit card.

I get a lot of messages from Plenty of Fish, but they all live to far away.

I liked E harmony. I liked the idea of actually being matched to someone who would be a good match for me. But they were all too far away. Plus the same problem, they would send me a match, but if the person didn't pay, we couldn't write to each other.

[ashabama 1]

yeh...all that stuff is crazy!! I would actually love to meet a guy who's had the lap-band done lol we'd have a lot in common and it'd be awesome! Cheap dates haha I don't look anymore...I'm just waiting on the right guy to find me..I have school left so I gotta stay focused on it but it would be great to have someone to share in my lap-band success and all other things with... it's all good tho I have my LBT buds and myspace. Hope everyone is still doing great with their band. And question when was your first fill?? How long after you had it done???

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I had my first fill at 6 weeks and every six weeks after that.

[ashabama 1]

ok that sounds about right with me too...I go in like 2 weeks to get my 1st fill...

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Some guy from California wants to call me. He sent me a message on Plenty of Fish. I am a little bit leery of giving out my phone # this soon.

He sent me about 3 messages today. What's the point anyway. It's not like we can date from California to Oregon. I am not going to relocate with my daughter about to have a baby!

[ashabama 1]

no girl!! lol that just sounds weird...he seems too desperate and needy...so not a turn on!! watch out there are alot of creeps on those things!!

[Dibaby 0]

no girl!! lol that just sounds weird...he seems too desperate and needy...so not a turn on!! watch out there are alot of creeps on those things!!

A fricken Men!

I would say half the guys are just looking for easy sex so please watch yourself if your actually looking for more than just that.

[jcgrove29 0]

Hi all, thought I would stop by and give a quick little update. Things are still going better than I ever expected with my new GF.

Those of you who have followed this thread for a while may remember that I was hospitalized with a slipped stomach several months ago. My doctor and I decided against surgery (there was a chance that I might have lost the band).

I have been slowly working on getting back to a proper level of fill for weight loss to occur. Then, last Wednesday night it slipped again I new right away that it was worse than the last time. Morphine could not even stop the pain. I was rushed to Tampa General and into the operating room.

The doctor said even though they removed all the saline in the ER my stomach was still purple when he got the camera in there. He noticed that I only had one of the original stiches left in the flap holding the band in place.

He cut the stitch, unclamped the band, repositioned it, and stiched the thing into place real good.

I am at home now and recovering well from the operation. I am hopeful that I will be able to get back to the process of losing this weight now that I have this issue behind me.

Take Care, JC

[bigbaby 4]

JC---Do you know what caused your band to slip?

It's good to know that you're recovering at home. I pray that all is well with you from this moment on...your weight loss is phenominal!!!