Why am I not excited?

[StaceyG 16]

My surgery is scheduled for January 24 and I am on day one of pre op diet. It was an extrememly difficult decision for me but I just went with it. Although I keep reading how excited everyone is for their upoming surgery. I am not excited at all. I feel frustrated that I have to resort to this and that I can't just do it on my own. Why am I not excited? I don't want to go into this with a negative feeling. I want to results but wish I could get there another way. So frustrated.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

My attitude about surgery changed alot once i became educated on the whole issue of metabolic disorders and why I simply couldnt do it on my own. It helped me let go of the regret, guilt and negativity and instead focus on how to leverage this tool to the maximum.

[Gracie39 9]

Stacey, I am 3 years out and I still wish I could have done it on my own... But I still know that I would have never been able to lose the weight on my own AND keep it off. It seems like a drastic measure to take but I'm still happy I did it. So I understand your frustration.

[Obsidian 26]

I know exactly what you are feeling right now! I was asked by a doctor the first time over 10 years ago about if I had ever given thought to weight loss surgery... I was 19 or 20. I had just started low carbing (back when it was looked down on) and had begun to lose weight nicely. I told that doctor NO WAY. I was sure I could do it on my own. I ended up losing 100lbs with that diet... But it wasn't long before life brought the stress and I began to cave in to the carbs.

Well all my little friends quickly piled back on. All 100lbs of them... With their own friends.

Despite that I was about 24-25 and was still certain I could do it. Other doctors and acquaintances asked or suggested WLS. I told myself that surgery wasn't an option and that while it was not exactly the easy way out... It was for someone with less determination than I. Anything to stay away from it.

Fast forward.. Diets.. Complete fasting/starvation... To becoming bulimic... Stopping the bulimia... Starving some more.. And a run in with Cymbalta (demon pill) and I was suddenly bigger than ever at 460+!!!

Was then I realized that I had to admit that I gave it my best shot alone. I had to finally say.. It's not like I am some sort of quitter.. But I need the help. I actually went another year arguing with myself back and forth about it before I finally went to the info class and signed up to begin the journey.

Even then.. My first post here was seven months into the process for my insurance and it was about my hesitation and second thoughts.

Wasn't until the last few months or so that I have come to terms with what I am doing.

I can't say I'm excited about it much either. But I have my moments when I realize I am finally going to have a tool that will help me to get where I need to be so I can do all the things that have been on hold my whole life. Plus all the things people take for granted.. Fitting into nice clothes (if I never see a pair of MENS 4x sweats and 4x shirts it will be heaven.. I want dresses!)... Sitting comfortably at any restaurant or theater... Not having to squeeze into the car... Taking a shower and easily reaching all of THOSE places... And so on.

So you have to ask yourself... How much are you missing or waiting on? Are you content to let more time slip by you while you figure out whether you can go it alone?

I know that I have wasted far too much of my life waiting.. All my dreams were put aside for so long they became distant fantasies. I gave up on everything. Lost interest in everything. Now I'm going to have the chance to rediscover all the unrealized hopes and dreams I had forgotten. To me it's worth it. Life can be frighteningly short.. Even shorter if you are unhealthy.

I may not be excited about it RIGHT NOW (petrified is a better word).. But I know once I force myself through it I will be a whole lot more excited as my world opens up.

[becksnky 25]

I know how you are feeling too. I started this journey back in the summer but have been thinking about WLS for years. I was VERY excited in June when I started my first informational class, followed up by the nutritional classes, work ups, etc. I have had so many surgery dates, missed opportunities etc. and just keep backing out. I can't bring myself to follow through. I wish I had never started reading so much. After I found this forum, I have been on here daily, ready peoples stories, and finding out how hard it is. It doesn't sound like it is a "piece of cake". No pun intended. I didn't expect it to be, but it sounds worse that I expected, and it has prevented me from following through. Keep your goals in mind. I hope you are stronger than I have been.

[clk 3,519]

On the one hand I see where you're coming from. I also wish the years of dieting had gotten me to my goal (even just once, even just temporarily!) but it never happened. I was miserable and unhappy and each new diet left me in worse shape than the one before.

But on the other hand, I really felt a sense of relief when I decided on the sleeve. I, too, had been asked before by my doctor about WLS and felt that there was no way I would ever need that. But after six months of researching the band and a year of researching the sleeve before actually having surgery, I was absolutely ready to make the step.

What I felt was relief. I felt like there was finally an end in sight. I would have this surgery that would be the tool I needed to lose the weight, and for good this time.

And while my journey was more complicated emotionally than I expected, and while it took longer than I might have liked, that sentiment was exactly right.

It was a tool. Sure, a drastic one that involves surgery and the risks that accompany it. But after the hundreds of dollars and wasted effort I was pouring after various diets, memberships, pills and weight loss remedies for years, not to mention the time I wasted unhappy, depressed and unhealthy...well, it seemed like it was time for a change in approach.

In the end, once the surgery is over it's very similar to the old approaches I took to food. All of those things I rolled my eyes at before, like "learning moderation" and "developing a healthy relationship with food" and "ending the emotional dependence on food" were things I was FINALLY strong enough to address. Because I can't speak for you, but I know that I never stopped feeling hungry long enough when dieting to focus on anything except when and what my next meal would be. I was never able to do any head work, the REAL work the sleeve helps you accomplish, because I could never hang with the diet long enough to even make real headway on my obesity. I never stuck with it longer than four months. I was never able to, despite really trying time and time again. Even with the sleeve I had to stay within 700-900 calories a day to lose, and it still took me 17 months to lose 107 pounds. It would have been impossible to lose the weight without surgery in my case.

I think that the only issue with feeling so much negativity now is that you could carry it with you post op. It's possible it will color your experiences and make you feel things are worse than they are, especially if you're resentful of the fact that you're considering the sleeve at all.

But it's normal for us to have a range of emotions and to deal with things differently. Do I wish I could have kept my stomach? Sure. I miss eating big meals sometimes, even if I don't really miss the role food played in my life. And the fact that I can admit this is the ONLY reason I miss part of that organ speaks volumes to me. I didn't need it, and it was getting in my way. I achieved my goals without it and couldn't be happier.

If you do choose to have surgery you'll go through an entire spectrum of emotions, good and bad, in the following year. Accept it, work through it and despite how you're feeling right now you'll still see success in the end if you put in the effort.

~Cheri

[moregoodtimes 331]

Not excited about surgery....then be excited about your future! In your mind "see" yourself doing some new activities you have always wanted to experience. Find a favorite future visualization and every time you find youself thinking about old failues and the past... Chuck that thought and refocus on the positive! Train your brain to have more positive thoughts than negative. You have identified the problem so take an action to change it rather than dwell on it. Best wishes to you. I hope you feel better soon.

[StaceyG 16]

Thank you everyone. I did end up rescheduling. I have to say that I had a huge sense I relief which tells me I was not ready. I am trying to focus more on the positives and preparing myself so that I can be ready and excited.

[No game 14,437]

I admire the fact that you were able recognize your own misgivings about this, and give yourself time to think and prepare.

I think that was really brave. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

[amytug 996]

On the one hand I see where you're coming from. I also wish the years of dieting had gotten me to my goal (even just once' date=' even just temporarily!) but it never happened. I was miserable and unhappy and each new diet left me in worse shape than the one before.

But on the other hand, I really felt a sense of relief when I decided on the sleeve. I, too, had been asked before by my doctor about WLS and felt that there was no way I would ever need that. But after six months of researching the band and a year of researching the sleeve before actually having surgery, I was absolutely ready to make the step.

What I felt was relief. I felt like there was finally an end in sight. I would have this surgery that would be the tool I needed to lose the weight, and for good this time.

And while my journey was more complicated emotionally than I expected, and while it took longer than I might have liked, that sentiment was exactly right.

It was a tool. Sure, a drastic one that involves surgery and the risks that accompany it. But after the hundreds of dollars and wasted effort I was pouring after various diets, memberships, pills and weight loss remedies for years, not to mention the time I wasted unhappy, depressed and unhealthy...well, it seemed like it was time for a change in approach.

In the end, once the surgery is over it's very similar to the old approaches I took to food. All of those things I rolled my eyes at before, like "learning moderation" and "developing a healthy relationship with food" and "ending the emotional dependence on food" were things I was FINALLY strong enough to address. Because I can't speak for you, but I know that I never stopped feeling hungry long enough when dieting to focus on anything except when and what my next meal would be. I was never able to do any head work, the REAL work the sleeve helps you accomplish, because I could never hang with the diet long enough to even make real headway on my obesity. I never stuck with it longer than four months. I was never able to, despite really trying time and time again. Even with the sleeve I had to stay within 700-900 calories a day to lose, and it still took me 17 months to lose 107 pounds. It would have been impossible to lose the weight without surgery in my case.

I think that the only issue with feeling so much negativity now is that you could carry it with you post op. It's possible it will color your experiences and make you feel things are worse than they are, especially if you're resentful of the fact that you're considering the sleeve at all.

But it's normal for us to have a range of emotions and to deal with things differently. Do I wish I could have kept my stomach? Sure. I miss eating big meals sometimes, even if I don't really miss the role food played in my life. And the fact that I can admit this is the ONLY reason I miss part of that organ speaks volumes to me. I didn't need it, and it was getting in my way. I achieved my goals without it and couldn't be happier.

If you do choose to have surgery you'll go through an entire spectrum of emotions, good and bad, in the following year. Accept it, work through it and despite how you're feeling right now you'll still see success in the end if you put in the effort.

~Cheri[/quote']

You are such a light on this board, Cheri!! Your words hit home, and speak so loudly to me. I'm starting to be an emotional mess (still preop) and reading things like this is so uplifting!

THIS

it was a tool. Sure' date=' a drastic one that involves surgery and the risks that accompany it. But after the hundreds of dollars and wasted effort I was pouring after various diets, memberships, pills and weight loss remedies for years, not to mention the time I wasted unhappy, depressed and unhealthy...well, it seemed like it was time for a change in approach. [/quote']