Alright I'm going to post this but no judgement please.

I started this process three months ago. I finally got approved and I'm scheduled for Jan 10.

Now here's the problem I work in an office. I'm an accountant. I work with mostly women but my boss is male. I have not told ANYONE at work what I'm doing. I haven't worried about them finding out when I lose because I've lost and gained 70-100 lbs about 3x since I've been there they'll just think it's another one of my crazy diets. My boss's wife also works there and I'm afraid he'll tell her and it will be all over the company. There is a LOT of judgement and gossiping at my work and I just don't want to be the center of it. I decided that today I would just tell my boss I'm having surgery and if he asked details I'd say it's personal.

I totally mis prophesied how that would go!!! When I said I was having surgery of course he asked what for so I said it's personal and he said like what a hysterectomy? I was like no and then he was like is it major surgery? And I said yes and then he was like well what then? I said I don't want to get into all that and he was like ok if you don't want me to know (he was taking it really personal) I said its not that I just don't want EVERYONE to know. He said well I wasn't going to say anything. I told him I have just been stressed and having health problems because of it. Well anyway I ended up spouting out a bed of lies of how I have ulcers from stress, gallstones from bad gallbladder and a hernia that needs repair. I know I know that was so stupid and now typing it I feel even more ignorant and shallow and stupid. I just got super nervous and I let him get me all upset. He said is the surgery voluntary? (I got the idea he was referring to lipo or a tummy tuck) I said well it's voluntary enough that I could go on hurting and being unhealthy but it's not liposuction or a nose job if that's what you mean.

My husband said I shouldn't have let the conversation go beyond I am not ready to talk about it but I didn't and I'm a retard!!!

I know that HIPPA laws protect my privacy and I didn't even have to tell him anything but we are all close and I am usually an open book. My boss just recently had surgery on his leg. It was shattered and he had to have multiple surgeries. Anyway he has been very open with all that so I guess I was just expected to be open like my usual self.

Anyway, I dug a super big hole and I feel guilty for lying and now I don't know what to do.

Thank you!! That's what I'm wanting: advice from real people dealing with this.

Ok, take it or leave it, no judgement.... I would personally revise e-mail to include the following:

I would let him know that although you are a very close office, he made you very nervous with all the questions. Let him know you panicked & that you are having surgery, possibly to include having your gallbladder out. You would like to keep the surgery personal, not to hurt anyone's feelings but that it is something you would like to keep personal. That you spoke to HR because you don't want to put him in an awkward position that IF the information was told to a family member & it was to spread throughout the office it would be against company rules. Let him know when you are ready for everyone to know, you will tell them. Then leave it at that (other than giving him the dates you will be out). That's my advice, only because I was in the same predicament as you & after it was all over, the truth had to come out anyway & then they wanted to know why I lied about it. It became major drama that I didn't need but now they know what I had done, which I wanted to keep personal.

I concur with this. While I think addressing this via e-mail is a good approach (it avoids all that personal awkwardness) the proposed e-mail was just TMI. I don't know if it's necessary to remind him it's against company rules to spread the information (although it is). That's for you to determine based on the people and circumstances.

I would leave it alone. It really is your personal business and you don't have to disclose to him what type of surgery you are having.

Ok so I sent my boss an email and this is what I got back. I'm happy with that.

"I wasn't trying to dig. I was just inquiring. I’m glad you are getting this resolved since it really sounds like a potential issue. I don’t discuss anything personal from work ever with anyone even My wife Believe it or not. So anything you tell me is totally confidential. But I hope this resolves your issues and we can work through it. Honestly I just wanted to make sure we documented it properly just in case you needed more time, etc. We can work it out, so don’t worry about that. It’s a necessity and that is fine. These type of things happen to everyone it seems at some point. Thanks for the info."

Great boss. You did the right thing. I wish you nothing but good luck. Keep us posted!

Problem. Solved.

Amanda Rae

Glad you got it resolved. For me I told a few of my trusting coworkers and my boss (which I have asked her to keep it quite..I'm sure she knows that she shouldn't disclose my medical business). At this point there are a few of my coworkers that are very judgmental and opinionated..I just don't want to hear that garbage right now. There is nothing that they can bring up that I haven't went over in my mind a thousand times. I figure I would let my boss and coworkers let them know when I'm off and done with surgery. I can deal with them post op

I'm glad for you Sarah. I still haven't decided what ill tell everyone else but I've told my boss and ill cross that bridge when it gets here.

I can so see myself in your spot, and have been there more than once-so no judgements from me! My fix would be to go have a conversation with my boss and explain that he really put me on the spot with something I was not ready to talk about yet-so you panicked. So here is the truth....but you do NOT want this to be common knowledge to ANYONE until you are ready to share it yourself because you are afraid. Give him that time to ask you questions, answer them, and then close that conversation for good until you are ready to bring it back up again. Any good boss will honor your decision to keep this private. If he does not, you know your trust in him was not warranted in the first place.....but in the long run, you will feel better and can enjoy your journey, and HE will know that he totally overstepped a boundary with you. He needs to be aware of that too.

Best of luck to you and revel in the fact that you have chosen to work toward your health. This is not easy and it is not an easy decision to choose to take responsibility for your own state of being.

I'm glad that you got things resolved. I don't work but I'm in a sorority and it's SUPER close knit, everyone knows everything so if I suddenly disappeared for a few days then lost a bunch of weight they would catch on. I told them all at once, they didn't have much to say except for a few people that were extremely supportive then my big sister/roommate who already knew is just super nervous that something is going to go wrong and I'll get hurt. I have these huge chubby cheeks and everyone pinches them all the time so I was threatened that if lose my cheeks they are going to come after me. They gossip like crazy so I'm sure all of greek life knows but it is what it is. I'm doing this for me, if they want to judge then let them. I know this is going to make me happier.

I'm just like you though, a terrible liar and if I do lie and someone happens to not catch on (extremely rare) then I feel terrible about it afterwards. No judgement from me, I almost told someone who's opinion I value greatly that I had a thyroid issue and was taking medication to correct it. I just ended up telling her that I'm losing weight and she didn't pry. It's hard to open up about it but I'm sure you feel better now that your boss is on your team! Good luck to you

I'm going to Mx for my sleeve in March. I'm worried work will give static over being a self pay out of country surgery. Any thoughts?

Amanda Rae

I'm going to Mx for my sleeve in March. I'm worried work will give static over being a self pay out of country surgery. Any thoughts?

Amanda Rae

Where you have surgery and who paid for it should not be an issue. I had surgery in the US but was self pay. My surgeon still certified it as qualifying for FMLA due to my comorbidities. I received all work-related benefits that any other surgery would bring to a similarly-situated employee.

The real question is whether your employer must abide by FMLA regulations. If so, where you have the surgery and who pays is irrelevant.

So, do you work for a large company or a small one? How large? How many employees?

Where you have surgery and who paid for it should not be an issue. I had surgery in the US but was self pay. My surgeon still certified it as qualifying for FMLA due to my comorbidities. I received all work-related benefits that any other surgery would bring to a similarly-situated employee.

The real question is whether your employer must abide by FMLA regulations. If so' date=' where you have the surgery and who pays is irrelevant.

So, do you work for a large company or a small one? How large? How many employees?[/quote']

Large company and I have high BMI and comorbidities.

Amanda Rae

Ok so I sent my boss an email and this is what I got back. I'm happy with that.

"I wasn't trying to dig. I was just inquiring. I’m glad you are getting this resolved since it really sounds like a potential issue. I don’t discuss anything personal from work ever with anyone even My wife Believe it or not. So anything you tell me is totally confidential. But I hope this resolves your issues and we can work through it. Honestly I just wanted to make sure we documented it properly just in case you needed more time, etc. We can work it out, so don’t worry about that. It’s a necessity and that is fine. These type of things happen to everyone it seems at some point. Thanks for the info."

Glad it worked out for you.

Thank you so much for sharing because, I may easily be in this same situation. Looking at a March sleeve surgery date. And I gotta have that same talk.

So extra kudos.

Blessings

Large company and I have high BMI and comorbidities.

Amanda Rae

As a Human Resources professional, my advice to you would be to tell your employer you must be off for surgery and need FMLA leave, then get your primary care physician here in the states to complete your FMLA certification. The certification need not detail what type of surgery you will have or where, just that you will have surgery and need x weeks to recuperate.

Everyone on here is awesome and I so appreciate the support. I'm so happy I found this site because throughout this journey each problem I encounter someone on here has been through it and I hope by posting my experience someone else will be helped.