Alright I'm going to post this but no judgement please.

I started this process three months ago. I finally got approved and I'm scheduled for Jan 10.

Now here's the problem I work in an office. I'm an accountant. I work with mostly women but my boss is male. I have not told ANYONE at work what I'm doing. I haven't worried about them finding out when I lose because I've lost and gained 70-100 lbs about 3x since I've been there they'll just think it's another one of my crazy diets. My boss's wife also works there and I'm afraid he'll tell her and it will be all over the company. There is a LOT of judgement and gossiping at my work and I just don't want to be the center of it. I decided that today I would just tell my boss I'm having surgery and if he asked details I'd say it's personal.

I totally mis prophesied how that would go!!! When I said I was having surgery of course he asked what for so I said it's personal and he said like what a hysterectomy? I was like no and then he was like is it major surgery? And I said yes and then he was like well what then? I said I don't want to get into all that and he was like ok if you don't want me to know (he was taking it really personal) I said its not that I just don't want EVERYONE to know. He said well I wasn't going to say anything. I told him I have just been stressed and having health problems because of it. Well anyway I ended up spouting out a bed of lies of how I have ulcers from stress, gallstones from bad gallbladder and a hernia that needs repair. I know I know that was so stupid and now typing it I feel even more ignorant and shallow and stupid. I just got super nervous and I let him get me all upset. He said is the surgery voluntary? (I got the idea he was referring to lipo or a tummy tuck) I said well it's voluntary enough that I could go on hurting and being unhealthy but it's not liposuction or a nose job if that's what you mean.

My husband said I shouldn't have let the conversation go beyond I am not ready to talk about it but I didn't and I'm a retard!!!

I know that HIPPA laws protect my privacy and I didn't even have to tell him anything but we are all close and I am usually an open book. My boss just recently had surgery on his leg. It was shattered and he had to have multiple surgeries. Anyway he has been very open with all that so I guess I was just expected to be open like my usual self.

Anyway, I dug a super big hole and I feel guilty for lying and now I don't know what to do.

Maybe concerned but mostly nosey. He wanted to know where what hospital what doctor I didn't give him all that info. He wanted to know if it was cosmetic. I said no.

His questions were intrusive. It's almost like you were pressured into giving info you didn't feel comfortable giving. I'm not justifying or rationalizing lies. Nor am I judging. I just empathize with you and can appreciate that you panicked.

Amanda Rae

Your boss isn't allowed to ask you questions, but he did anyway. He could use a refresher from the HR department on what's appropriate. For comparison, I just told my boss today. I simply said I was taking 2 weeks medical leave for a procedure. I also emphasized that it was nothing to worry about. I didn't want them thinking I had something life threatening.

Confession is good for the soul. Tell you boss and maybe he'll learn to respect the privacy of the next person.

Thank you so much to everyone for understanding and not judging me for being a BIG FAT LIAR! I just wanted to say what I wanted and be done. Now I got unwanted drama.

I sure didn't tell my boss specifically what I was doing. When I told him I was taking 3 sick days right next to a weekend he asked what it was for. When I said surgery, he suddenly realized that he was way out of line and could not ask me that question. He apologized and said he did not want to know more and was there anything I needed that he could help with. When I turned in my doctors note to our HR it simply said "abdominal surgery." No further details.

No, it isn't a secret. It is privacy and I have a right to it.

I sure didn't tell my boss specifically what I was doing. When I told him I was taking 3 sick days right next to a weekend he asked what it was for. When I said surgery' date=' he suddenly realized that he was way out of line and could not ask me that question. He apologized and said he did not want to know more and was there anything I needed that he could help with. When I turned in my doctors note to our HR it simply said "abdominal surgery." No further details.

No, it isn't a secret. It is privacy and I have a right to it.[/quote']

I couldn't agree more. I just panicked. I feel so stupid now.

To be honest, you could just go into your boss and say you didn't tell him the truth on the type of surgery you were having, and you'd just as soon not go into detail. I figure my boss assumes I'm having some type of female surgery, and I'm okay with that misconception.

Ok so I haven't said anything about it today but yesterday I left everything up in the air so I typed up an email to send him. Tell me your opinion

Ok, yesterday you got me a little flustered asking me so many questions. I just wasn’t ready to give details and you made me really nervous. All these times I’ve been taking vacation days, I have been going to the doctor for all the issues I was telling you about and the procedure I am having is called a partial gastrectomy. Basically they are removing the part of my stomach. If my gallbladder is also an issue when he gets in there, he will remove it as well. All of these problems are stress related/induced. The stress is also what has my blood pressure up and causing the severe headaches. I’ve never had high blood pressure until now. I am taking several medicines to help with most of this but it just isn’t fixing the problem. My doctor said that most patients that have this surgery lose a significant amount of weight so I’m hoping that will be me. The biggest concern with the surgery is they have to stitch my stomach back together and while that heals I have to be on a pure liquid diet to be sure I do not perforate my stomach. You asked yesterday if this is voluntary and I guess anything can be my decision but my doctor strongly urges me to have this surgery. It is not cosmetic and is covered by my insurance as medically necessary if that eases your mind.

My stress is NOT work related. It’s problems at home but I do not want to have to explain this much detail to ANYONE. I do not want everyone to know exactly what is going on. To be honest, I had already spoken with HR because I knew that I needed to inform you but I didn’t want to have to give details. They said I didn’t have to but we are all pretty close and I can understand why you would be wondering/asking. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know. I just knew it would put you in an awkward position especially since you are married to another employee up here. I just thought the less you know the less you can tell when you are asked about it. I just need you to understand how important my privacy is with this particular thing. Usually I’m an open book but when it comes to my problems at home I don’t want the whole building knowing about it. I’m sure someone will ask and I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. You see how long this email is? I do not want to have to go into this kind of detail with everyone.

I could be out up to 6 weeks but most people go back to work in 2 weeks and some in just a couple of days depending on the type of job and their particular experience. My surgery is scheduled for Jan 10 which is a Thursday. I will be in the hospital for two days. I am hoping to work from home that next week and come back to work physically on Tuesday Jan 22

That's the email. Too much? The right thing to do?

I thought at least this would explain why the rapid weight loss and the liquid diet.

Idk. I'm so indecisive. Grrrr. [frustrated]

I told very few I was being sleeved 12/5. I am of one of the less than 1% who have a complication and I stayed in the hospital five days. I had to have a second surgery to correct problems caused by an accidentally cut bowel hidden by scar tissue. I am now recovering at home with 30 stables in my tummy. I will be weeks recoverying. Many will wonder and rumors will spread but if any one really wants to know they will ask me what happen and I will tell them the truth. The only regret is that some may feel they found out what I didn't want them to know.

Reality is when someone can go through 4 weeks of liquid, 2 weeks of puréed and then 2 weeks of soft foods to work toward better health they have earned my respect enough I want to hear their concerns, advice, warnings, comments otherwise call Jenni cause she cares not me! I am really not that rude of a person in real life I am just say don't talk to me about dieting unless you have cross the hurtles I am crossing!

Tammy Kapoor!

Oh yeah I read about you in a post from your sister if I remember correctly. I am so glad you are getting better. What was the scar tissue from?

I think you have given him all the info needed! Now just don't let it be a source of stress to you! Sometimes our stress makes situations seem bigger where as no reaction will smooth things over in time. You will feel so good as you lose the least of your worries will be what do other think of me.

I think you have given him all the info needed! Now just don't let it be a source of stress to you! Sometimes our stress makes situations seem bigger where as no reaction will smooth things over in time. You will feel so good as you lose the least of your worries will be what do other think of me.

Thank you.

C section in 99 is all I can figure it could have come from.

C section in 99 is all I can figure it could have come from.

Very strange. I'm glad you are ok. I wish you the best in your recovery

Ok, take it or leave it, no judgement.... I would personally revise e-mail to include the following:

I would let him know that although you are a very close office, he made you very nervous with all the questions. Let him know you panicked & that you are having surgery, possibly to include having your gallbladder out. You would like to keep the surgery personal, not to hurt anyone's feelings but that it is something you would like to keep personal. That you spoke to HR because you don't want to put him in an awkward position that IF the information was told to a family member & it was to spread throughout the office it would be against company rules. Let him know when you are ready for everyone to know, you will tell them. Then leave it at that (other than giving him the dates you will be out). That's my advice, only because I was in the same predicament as you & after it was all over, the truth had to come out anyway & then they wanted to know why I lied about it. It became major drama that I didn't need but now they know what I had done, which I wanted to keep personal.

Ok' date=' take it or leave it, no judgement.... I would personally revise e-mail to include the following:

I would let him know that although you are a very close office, he made you very nervous with all the questions. Let him know you panicked & that you are having surgery, possibly to include having your gallbladder out. You would like to keep the surgery personal, not to hurt anyone's feelings but that it is something you would like to keep personal. That you spoke to HR because you don't want to put him in an awkward position that IF the information was told to a family member & it was to spread throughout the office it would be against company rules. Let him know when you are ready for everyone to know, you will tell them. Then leave it at that (other than giving him the dates you will be out). That's my advice, only because I was in the same predicament as you & after it was all over, the truth had to come out anyway & then they wanted to know why I lied about it. It became major drama that I didn't need but now they know what I had done, which I wanted to keep personal.[/quote']

Thank you!! That's what I'm wanting: advice from real people dealing with this.