Need Opinions On Non Wls Related Issue

[CdnExpat 49]

Don't judge until you've walked a day in my shoes.

Even if I have "walked a day in your shoes" Chitowngirl, I would still have no real knowledge, and no true understanding of your situation because it isn't mine. There are all sorts of factors here that make your situation difficult and I think that, like everyone else in life, you make the decisions that work in the situation as it happens.

The original issue seemed to be the guilt you feel over the inequalities between your style or parenting and your in-laws. There's been some great advice and ideas so far and you can take the best ones and try them. (The pooling gift money and making a joint decision about gifts is an awesome idea)

As for your relationship with your SD and grandson, you're not the only player on the field, and you clearly don't have the most influence, so all you can do is be yourself. You are right about not being able to parent your SD now, and quite Iikely your opportunity to parent her at 15 was also very limited. It is what it is. My suggestion? Limit your grandson's opportunities to wreak havoc in your home by planning activities out, or by insisting that his grandfather be present when he is visiting.

Your situation is complex meaning absolutely no one but you actually knows what you've done or need to do to make it work for you, your son, and your husband. Some great suggestions here... Try them out and let us know what works. Your life doesn't need to be controlled by either guilt or regret.

Hang in there.

CE

[Ready4success 380]

My priority is my son

I think this statement says it all. Make an influence on the one person that can still benefit, your son. Your husband went from his momma's house to yours (even though he had his own place, it belonged to his mother), your step-daughter went from her mom's house to her grandma's house, now the grandson is being raised by the grandma. There is a pattern that was in place long before you came into the picture. Your MIL is an enabler. Don't become one too. Take care of your son, and mold him into an independent and responsible person. My concern is that he will be influenced by your husband and think that is how a man handles responsibility, by passing it on to his momma.

Don't worry about the 21year old, she's grown, and don't worry about the grandson, because great grandma (the enabler) will make sure he's well taken care of, like she did with your husband before you came along. I think you can have a decent relationship with your step-daughter and your grandson, but just accept it as it is.