Freinds...how Many Of Us Have Them?

[NuStyle 28]

I just want to vent a little bit everyone' date=' because I know there is someone out there who knows what I am going through.

I have had a particular friend, "A", for over half my life. She has always been the skinny one. She would say things like "I really need to lose 5 pounds", and annoying things like that from time to time. She would always give me tips on how to lose weight, although she's never had a weight problem.

I announced that I was scheduled for surgery over dinner at a mutual friend's house. The 4 other women at the dinner were supportive, asked questions, and were genuinely happy for me. "A" never said a word. When I asked her what she thought, she said: "Why don't you just diet and exercise? Get a trainer, not a surgeon! " Needless to say that cut me deep. But I explained how I'd tried a number of things & how I'd failed. My other friends came to see me in the hospital after surgery & helped me walk around. "A" didn't even call.

Now everytime I see her she says things like: "How much more weight are you gonna lose? You're not gonna have me being the fat friend in this group. I can't eat around you anymore. You make me feel like a pig. I know people who lose weight the right way." I just don't understand why someone who I thought was my best friend would say things like that to me. I put on the brave face & the fake smile & act like it doesn't bother me, but I am extremely sensitive.

"A" & I don't hang out or talk much anymore. But her vacancy in my life hurts. I feel like she kept me in a certain box, & now that I have shed whatever title she gave me, she doesn't care about our friendship anymore. It's weird... I feel like I'm going through a breakup. My husband told me to just let it go& focus on all the great things in my life, but this has been my friend for 15 years & it hasn't all been bad...

Sorry for the venting guys, but has anyone gone through this?[/quote']

I have a similar situation but it did not stem from my decision to have surgery, it stemed from my husband a I not attending her bday party because our home had flooded due to a Water leak. I consider eople like "a" and "j" very selfish and do not care about anyone but themselves. I made a decision that "j" was not going to continue to mistreat me and that is what I call the treatment "a" is giving you. "j" and I have been great friends over 20 yrs. I have my children and spouse that are very supportive and I have moved in. We talk via text from time to time but nothing like it use to be. You have to decide whether you accept ths treatment or not. Remember misery loves company.

[LegendQueenT 6]

MsKendraHL,

I have been through it for other reason but it is all the same.

I too had a friend for 15+ years and something similar happen.

Let me put it to u straight up. We thought they were our friends. The fact is you were her friend but u were not necessary her friend. Shd had to keep u thinking that and keep u close so she can know everything going on in your life so she can top it. Now that she not going to he the finest chick in the group she has become a "HATE-AR". And like Kat Williams say we all need them in our life! Lol

Like your husband say let her go, she has shown her true colors and this was not the first time, this time just mattered to U!!!!

Now it's time to take care of the #1 Player in your life , U!!!!

If she want to be in your social circle then she is going to have to check negativity at the door otherwise your circle is full and you will take her application and call her when there is an opening.

You have to look at it that if she was a true friend, a do or die friend, she would be happy that you r getting healthy!

I am still an associate with my so thought friend, I just associate when it is convenient for ME these days.

Hope this helped

Queen

One foot in front of the other, one step at a time, if you fall down get up! QueenT

[Ready4success 380]

I came across this video regarding weight loss and friendships' date=' what so you guys think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKyjACcL_g0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

If the link is broken you can to on YouTube, her name is USlbgirl[/quote']

I really like her, that was a good video, funny too.

I think it has to do with the "inside" of a person. When my friend had RNY, I wasn't jealous, because I had health insurance, I could've gotten it too. I just wasn't ready for surgery. She actually motivated me to lose some weight, although I gained it all back. I think friends are there to support one another, through thick and thin. It shouldn't matter that you're now the "fat" friend. I've always taken the high road, so I believe we'll remain friends as long as I work at it. As a matter of fact, we're getting MAC make-overs and having dinner tomorrow. I won't be mentioning my surgery, though.

[mylifeinpink 350]

THAT is NOT a best friend

[Shani77 11]

This thread is so sad to me. My best friend is not as supportive as I would have thought. She was great and came to stay with me in the hospital. The problem is that every time I talk to her about my weight loss, she makes me feel like its happening just because of the surgery. Never mind the fact that I get up every morning in the dark to workout and make good decisions about the foods I eat. I don't think she understands how she makes me feel like a cheater for having this surgery.

[cjloveydovey 24]

One of my best friends since 1st grade simply ignores anything I say related to my surgery. The sad part is that we've both been morbidly obese majority of our lives. She had RNY back in 2001' date=' when we were in our early 20s, and I supported her all the way, even though I didn't think the surgery was for me. I went to some of her appointments with her and visited her in the hospital after surgery. I had already moved away after college, so I was driving an hour and a half each way to go be with her during those times. I did it because I wanted to be there for her, and because both of her parents were already deceased. She did go on to gain most, if not all of the weight back. Now, I'm ready to have wls, and she doesn't respond to texts if I mention my surgery. If we're hanging out and I mention where I am in the process, it's like dead silence. My family has told me to stop mentioning it to her, and to not tell her when I'm having surgery. It's very hurtful, because she's the godmother of my daughter, we hang out together all the time, and we vacation together every year. I think this surgery may end a close friendship that has lasted 30 years. No matter what, I'm having the surgery. Resolving my diabetes and high blood pressure will win any day, friend or no friend.[/quote']

Can we say jealous? Girl she's so jealous she can't see straight. You just worry about you! There's a quote out there and it's this. Your friends want you to do good.....but not too good and definitely not better than them.

[txdee 23]

One thing for sure can be said about WLS, you find out who your friends are!! That's worth a few bucks! I think we've all "been there, done that". I've sure motivated my already skinny

friends to go on a diet to make sure I don't weigh less than them!

I love that pre-surgery phrase from friends, "Can't you just go another diet?" Why, because all the ones I've gone on thus far have worked SO well??

[Julie Latour Lewis 11]

I got a new car this week and when I returned to work with it, a co-worker (male) said, "it's not as small as I thought it was gonna be.....I thought we would have to get some grease and a spoon and pry you out of it"!!! I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

[PEvette 297]

I got a new car this week and when I returned to work with it, a co-worker (male) said, "it's not as small as I thought it was gonna be.....I thought we would have to get some grease and a spoon and pry you out of it"!!! I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

hhmmm, sounds like a real "gem" to work with.....prick!

[Jolie_KeMi 345]

I got a new car this week and when I returned to work with it, a co-worker (male) said, "it's not as small as I thought it was gonna be.....I thought we would have to get some grease and a spoon and pry you out of it"!!! I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

What the hell?! There are horrible people in this world.

[peacequeen 434]

I got a new car this week and when I returned to work with it, a co-worker (male) said, "it's not as small as I thought it was gonna be.....I thought we would have to get some grease and a spoon and pry you out of it"!!! I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

I don't even know how to respond to you,,that is so shocking! I'm so sorry you had to endure that. It's surprising how immature some grown ups are.

[msvickee 212]

Just mean folks everywhere! What is loosing weight the right way??? People need to be educated and our true friends would and should be supportive if us wanting to be healthier and get rid or prevent some of these ailments that are caused from obesity. My bestie was always 50 or so lbs lighter than me therefore deemed the "skinny" one. She talked about WLS back in 2008-2009 and I told her nooooo. Well June 1, 2009 I was by her side for her WLS. She was by my side June 28, 2012 for mine. We can not control the minds of others or try to convince them about our struggle with obsesity. If they ate not going to be supportive they will try to sabotage your progress and if the latter is the case, separate yourself from them for a minute. If they are a true friend their mindset will change . In the meantime Do You....keep loosing, keep living!

[Catracks 865]

I keep waiting for something like this to happen, but I only have 2 close female friends. I got in touch with one of them after a 7 year hiatus. We just drifted apart and one day I just up and called her.

Well she is just the skinniest thing. She was skinny to start with and after the birth of her second child she just starting losing so much weight that she got scared and went to the doctor about it.

Anyway, she told me that the some of the mothers in her Mommy and Me class, some that she had known for years since the birth of her first child, just began to HATE her. She didn't call attention to her weight loss either. They just started making smarmy comments about her weight and that she thought she was "All that."

This woman is one of the kindest people I know and she was just hurt and dumbfounded.

I think if it can't be mended without resentment and they cannot deal with their issues, then maybe the friendship wasn't what you thought. It's really a shame.

[Lilee84 648]

I just want to vent a little bit everyone, because I know there is someone out there who knows what I am going through.

I have had a particular friend, "A", for over half my life. She has always been the skinny one. She would say things like "I really need to lose 5 pounds", and annoying things like that from time to time. She would always give me tips on how to lose weight, although she's never had a weight problem.

I announced that I was scheduled for surgery over dinner at a mutual friend's house. The 4 other women at the dinner were supportive, asked questions, and were genuinely happy for me. "A" never said a word. When I asked her what she thought, she said: "Why don't you just diet and exercise? Get a trainer, not a surgeon! " Needless to say that cut me deep. But I explained how I'd tried a number of things & how I'd failed. My other friends came to see me in the hospital after surgery & helped me walk around. "A" didn't even call.

Now everytime I see her she says things like: "How much more weight are you gonna lose? You're not gonna have me being the fat friend in this group. I can't eat around you anymore. You make me feel like a pig. I know people who lose weight the right way." I just don't understand why someone who I thought was my best friend would say things like that to me. I put on the brave face & the fake smile & act like it doesn't bother me, but I am extremely sensitive.

"A" & I don't hang out or talk much anymore. But her vacancy in my life hurts. I feel like she kept me in a certain box, & now that I have shed whatever title she gave me, she doesn't care about our friendship anymore. It's weird... I feel like I'm going through a breakup. My husband told me to just let it go& focus on all the great things in my life, but this has been my friend for 15 years & it hasn't all been bad...

Sorry for the venting guys, but has anyone gone through this?

I call these people haters... We all have them, but they way I look at it is the quickest way to lose 150lbs is to get rid of a hater in your life.

There's a poem that says something to the effect of "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you know which one it is you know what to do with them." Theres a more detailed version here (http://www.finerminds.com/love-relationships/people-come-into-your-life-for-a-reason-a-season-or-a-lifetime/) but I think this poem hit the proverbial nail on the head, because it's through our greatest times of need that we find out who our true friends are.

[peacequeen 434]

Kinda like catracks,,but I have a niece and she is the sweetest girl. She lost alot of weight and she told me to be prepared when I lose my weight because she lost a large majority of her friends. She said the guys were intimidated by her, the skinny girls snubbed their nose at her like she was a skinny girl wanna be and the big girls are jealous because they can't lose weight. She said people just treat you differently. I always thought I was treated different because I'm fat,,I didn't know it would be just as hard to be thin. I did have one friend that said she was going to be jealous because I'd be smaller than her. Whether she was serious or not, I don't know..and I don't really care. I did this for me and even though I am a sensitive person, I just can't let them get to me. I lost my closest friend because we our lives changed and we grew apart. It is hard but you learn to cope when your lives become so different. If your friend is changing the way she treats you just because you lost weight, even if she did support you at this point, you already know how she really feels so your friendship will just be awkward.