Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

My Hubby Doesn't Support Me Spending $15K For Surgery



Recommended Posts

I've struggled with my weight my whole life (I'm 53). 15-20 pounds overweight in high school, then 30-40 pounds overweight in my 20's, then gradually creeping up to 75-80 pounds overweight. I've tried every diet known to man and now I'm ready to make this big step of surgery, but my insurance will not cover it. I want to take the $15,000 needed out of my 401K and my husband does not agree. In addition to wanting to look better for myself and my husband, I want to feel better. My back, legs and feet hurt all the time and I have no energy. Any idea on how I can convince my husband to support me with this decision? I'm pretty much to the point of doing it with or without his support.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Take him shopping and show him that pretty red (or black, or blue ?), skimpy dress you'll be able to fit into. Just a thought. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you belong to a credit union, get a signature loan with low interest. It can be paid off in 3 or 4 years. Show hubby some before and after pics of others, it may motivate him as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SDB is a man, so I'd take his advice on how to convince your husband to go along with surgery. :) However, my hubby wasnt supportive pre-op either. Nowadays, all he can do is brag to people about how much weight I've lost and how much better I look.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to take the $15,000 needed out of my 401K

tango

after reading alot of the above posts plus when i said don't,don't ever take money out of your 401K i probably made a mistake referring to you are taking out money from your 401K permantly.

i guess i made a mistake somewhere - a loan from your account that you will pay back to your own account should be fine.

think i better stop responding for awhile since i made a mistake.

sorry for my error

apologies sent your way :(

kathy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why not get a loan from your 401k then you can repay yourself. And at 3% finance charge even better then some banks. You will not be taxed on that since you will be repaying it back and can take up to 6 years to pay if you want it that long. That's what I did!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I have to tell you my story. I have been placed on disability because of all my ailments. All of them except my back, I feel, are results from being overweight. I have felt so bad (ill), have had zero energy and have not felt like doing anything. Our social life has gone from always entertaining to not even going to events. Not even me and now everything about me has changed. I have cried and cried and told my husband how much I needed this for a second lease on life. I truly felt like if I didn't have this surgery I wouldn't be here in a few years to tell my story. I'm 56 and love life. I used to love doing everything with family and friends. Used to be the life of the party. My party came to a screeching halt!

My husband finally realized the importance of this surgery. Not only for me but for our family, our children and grandchildren. I too had to pay cash and we took part from our 401 and part from a credit card with zero% interest for a period of time which we are paying back so we aren't paying any interest.

I know if you explain how you know your health will do nothing but go downhill and how you need this tool to assist you not only in getting skinnier but more importantly getting healthier and during the process learn how to feed your family better choices for a healthier family (which means less money spent on medical care), I'm sure he'll come around.

P. S. don't forget the part on how you'll become more amorous in bed

Best of luck to you. Let us know WHEN you're successful and how you're WLS is coming along

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Does he not support you having th surgery? or does he not agree with the cost of having the surgery ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Get it done in Mexico. I had mine there, paid 4500 bucks and LOVE my sleeve. I was a little nervous since I do not speak Spanish, but all went well and I did not have any problems.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine was $5500 in Mexico with Dr. Kelly. I highly recommend him. There were zero problems with me not speaking spanish. Dr. Kelly speaks impeccable english as does his assistant, Omar.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why not get a loan from your 401k then you can repay yourself. And at 3% finance charge even better then some banks. You will not be taxed on that since you will be repaying it back and can take up to 6 years to pay if you want it that long. That's what I did!!

Careful there. If you lose your job or want to leave your job for any reason your loan has to be paid back immediately. I'd suggest any other option out there before digging into your 401k. Been there, done that one with my lap band surgery ages ago.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with checking out the cost of having it done in Mexico, I am self pay and chose to go there because of the all inclusive cost. You have to do what you have to do BUT it is less expensive to go south of the border. I chose Dr. Alvarez for personal reasons, he is more expensive but I know he is the right surgeon for me. Do some research and follow your heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Careful there. If you lose your job or want to leave your job for any reason your loan has to be paid back immediately. I'd suggest any other option out there before digging into your 401k. Been there' date=' done that one with my lap band surgery ages ago.[/quote']

No, it doesn't have to be paid back. Then it's like as if you took out a hardship loan and of course you will have to count it as income when tax time comes around. But you can also save all your reciepts and deduct it from your medical portion on you tax return. Instead of it being a loan. It becomes a hardship loan then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fortunately for me my DH was very supportive because he wanted me healthy and around long enough for our son to grow up. He never dreamed that there would be benefits for him.

Since losing 50+ lbs, my energy and activity level have skyrocketed. He's getting lucky way more often and we are actually social now and doing more as a couple. I didn't realize how my weight affected our marriage in such a negative way because I was so unhappy with me. Having this surgery has not only been the best thing I've done for my health, but also for my marriage. We

Celebrate 12 years this year and I feel like we are

in the honeymoon stage all over again. I still have

48 lbs to goal, but I'm living life again already and

life couldn't be better. Let him get on VST and look at all the stories. Go on to YouTube.com and look at all the before and afters. Maybe this will help him come around. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband was against me having the surgery as well. I felt that this was a life or death decision, and I needed to take action whether he wanted me to or not. It's expensive to get this surgery, but I was looking at what the expense would be if I didn't. Heart attack, stroke, etc.... is far more costly, and at 52 years old, and being well over 100 pounds overweight, I knew that is where I was headed. I got a credit card with zero interest for 18 mos and charged it. I did this with it in mind that once I was feeling better I would get extra work to pay it off within that time. I know I will be more productive financially once I am feeling better. The weight had me in jail, and I couldn't get out. Carrying around all of this extra weight at middle age is just too hard for most, and I could not function well doing it. I went against my husband's wishes, and did it anyway, and now he is okay with the idea and tells me how I am looking better and better each day. I'm so glad I did it, but I was over 50 BMI... I needed it desperately. Good luck in your decision making.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×