Am I The Only One...?

[BentleyJade 28]

No offense to those who DO feel this way, but I don't see the big deal about telling people about having the surgery. I mean, its my life and ill do what I want and live it how I want. I feel like I've gotten use to the negative things people say/do, so if they don't think I should get the surgery, I just say "ok" no biggie..I'm still doing it!

I just see so many posts about people not wanting to tell people..and I am totally fine with that decision. But what is the biggest issue with it? Being judge? Feeling like someone will say you took the easy way out? I'm just curious.

Please don't be offended by this if you are one who chooses not to tell people. I'm just wondering. Thanks

[BentleyJade 28]

Clarification: I don't see the big deal about not telling people..as in, I have told lots of people. (Family & friend-wise)

[MegInNOLA 531]

It's all an individual decision. Some people have friends and family who will be super-supportive (I did!), and we're the lucky ones. Others have friends and family who will not be supportive, and who needs the additional negativity in their lives? It's a personal comfort level issue, too--a lot of folks just don't want others to know their medical issues for various reasons.

I told my family and a few close friends--I was sort of surprised (although I certainly shouldn't have been!!) when nobody said, "Oh, no, you don't need that surgery--you're not that overweight!" The fact that everyone seemed very positive and sort of relieved spoke volumes to me about my need for the procedure. I eventually also told a few of my college students, as I was going to be back to teaching before the end of the semester--they were also super supportive and kind of excited for me.

But I can totally understand if one doesn't have a lot of supportive, positive people around, one might not be so inclined to share personal health news. That's another great reason this forum is so useful--we all "get it," and there's a lot of positive support to be found here.

[Looking Ahead 239]

Just me talking from my experience so far. Im so self concious about my weight. A part of me is "ashamed" to tell someone I need surgery to get healthy. Its like they look at you like you are crazy. "You don't need surgery, just exercise more" and my dad...That's stupid to have surgery like that....just taking a chance of killing yourself and you don't need it..figure something else out." He said that when my daughter tried to do it. Hers fell thru due to insurance problems. I told my mom and she is a happy for me but sworn to secrecy till way later after my surgery. I told the 4 girls I work with and one guy...the guy said thats good as he looked me up and down. So as for me, I choose not to tell anyone. The journey in itself is hard enough without seeing disappointment or pity when they look at me. If I tell and I fail...it would be even worse. :ph34r:

[Looking Ahead 239]

My husband is totally against it...so coworkers are my support system...thats why they know

[CJ_Redux 137]

I tried to NOT tell people, because I wanted to avoid any negative feedback. But the more I did my homework and researched, the more comfortable (and excited) I became with my decision. So I find myself mentioning it very casually, if/when the need arises. Everyone is hesitant at first. But I realized that they just don't know or understand my struggle with weight. (If you're 180lbs, how can you possibly know what it's like to be 340???)

For the naysayers, with every reason they give why I shouldn't have gastric sleeve surgery in Mexico of all places , I give a clear reason as to why it's the best decision for ME. And by the end of it, they have nothing left to say. But the naysayers are not many.

Ultimately, I'm happy I've finally made a decision to change my life. And I just don't give a d@mn what anyone else might think. For my loved ones, if they don't agree then I just tell them to pray for me that I make it thru the surgery...cuz it's GONNA happen!

Still, I can see why some people may just not want to have to defend their decision also. It can be just more stress, which none of us need.

I'm just excited though!

[shangefan 193]

I would not go around telling people about any medical procedure I am having done, so this is no different for me. Would most folks be supportive? Probably, but I don't feel a need to go searching for approval in that way. Another way to ask the question is: why are some folks super invested in telling everyone about their surgery?

[DuranFan1969 119]

I've told people who are closest to me (friends, family and some close co-workers) and left it at that.

[mrsjones075 40]

Only my husband knows about my upcoming surgery & he is very supportive. I'm not keeping it a "if I tell you, I'll have to kill you" type of secret & will certain not lie if asked point blank if I had surgery. I feel like its a personal decision & it's mine to make. I lack the strong support system that others have, but that's okay.

Every journey is different & unique.

[notime 340]

My reason for not telling people has nothing to do with them being supportive or not. I am private about my personal life and this falls into the personal life folder. I would not be interested if someone told me about their weight loss surgery and do not want to go outside someone else's comfort level or bore them.

Excuse me for saying this. I know many of you have told a lot of people about your upcoming or recent surgery and are excited so many of them are supportive. How do you know what they are saying behind your back? Gossip can be cruel and can affect your standing with "friends" and in the office. I don't mean to say you are wrong. If you need the support and think you can get it, go for it. You certainly know your situation better than I.

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

I bet the same people who talk about this are the ones who are less private in general. I tend to be an open book, everyone knows my business- but I know many people who are more private- for all different reasons.

I do have a little bit of defensiveness with this not wanting to have to explain the whole metabolic process, blah, blah, blah to people who say here's a great program to try instead of "SUCH A DRASTIC...."

Also, I have a teeny bit of superstition-- I only want good vibes my way. Example if there's some co-worker thinking "She'll probably gain it back" I don't want that energy coming my way.

[CJ_Redux 137]

How do you know what they are saying behind your back? Gossip can be cruel and can affect your standing in the office.

This is true. It hurts to find out you're on the receiving end of gossip. I've been there many times and it hurt! But I think those experiences have steeled me, because in this case I really could care less who says what. I told a co-worker and she's a skinny-minny who was in the midst of some weight loss challenge. She very well may have opinions on my decision. So what? I really mean that.

SO. WHAT.

Caring about being judged is part of what got me to my current size. It's what caused me to stuff my feelings down with food. It caused me to stop even trying to live and instead stand still.

I lost a decade of my life, worrying about what someone else might think of me.

Now that I've come to my senses, I've got a long journey back. Anyone who cannot be supportive or at least be silent, they don't count. If folks talk at my job and I decide I can't take it, I'll leave and go get another job. That's life! And life is about the choices we make. I am happy for me, and because of that I want to share my happiness, that I'm on my way back to loving me. If folks can't or don't want to relate...

So what?

[irishmama2004 34]

Gossip stopped bothering me a long time ago. At 342 pounds were they not gossiping about me already? We are kidding ourselves if we dont think people we genuinely love have never uttered an unkind word behind our backs. Have the surgery and tell no one and drop 100 pounds in months...now they start gossiping that they suspect you had it. I think if gossip is something that bothers you this much than you need to spend some time learning to love yourself. I do still believe that not telling people is 100% okay but either way the gossip will be there and by loving yourself you will weather this storm. Several months before my surgery a friend had RNY bypass and had terrible terrible complications that required her to go on a vent. She had told only a couple of people about her surgery. Well when news of her being in the ICU came out all people talked about was why she was being so secretive. It was sad. So I went surgery as an open book. No regrets whatsoever. My friends and family are amazing. Everyone is so supportive. If a complication had occurred I would have had a hundred prayer warriors storming the heavens for me.

[BentleyJade 28]

Wow..great responses. And I'm not super invested in telling everyone, just my family and friends. And if someone asks, I have no problem sharing. As for gossip, who isn't use to that? I know I am. But thank you all for your responses..I just wanted to see what others thought. And you all made good points..another reason to LOVE this site!

[CraftyV 61]

I really don't care about people knowing.

I wish people would ask me, I would love to let them know all about it.