Please post your resume here (and don't bore me to tears with what you do for a living.) Don't go back more than a few years, and only list the good stuff because this is a happy thread, damn it.

DeLarla

Got 2 women pregnant (showed them new positions that worked)

Sold Remote Control Panties out of my truck

I can play a straw

Wore a showgirl costume

Talked on my cell phone to the North Pole to a famous hockey pro

Can tie a cherry stem with my tongue faster than anyone I've ever met

I held a monkey, and he sat on my head

Kissed a cowboy (just a friendly kiss, but still a cowboy)

Tap danced in the men's room

Rode a quad topless in Mexico

Partied on Bourbon St.

Rekindled my marriage

Got a speeding ticket in San Antonio

Accidentally bought $600.00 in Harley shirts in Dallas

Reunited with my boyfriend from 20 years ago - now just amazing friends

My old roomate found me - planning big September reunion

Got a call from Switzerland from another hockey player

Got a new Shaman

Found my g-spot (again, haha)

Got a new Harley

I can twirl a baton

You puedo hablar Espanol

I can say, "Maria bought a blouse at the store" in 4 languages

Won $3,500

Pole Danced at a strip club on the Vegas Strip - the Palomino!

Rode the bull at Gilley's

I'm always late...

1. Danced with LOTS of cowboys, and at Gilley's, too (but I live in Texas, so that may not count).

2. Former member of Mensa (stopped paying my dues years ago).

3. Have been published - for money. (Not often, not lately, and not a lot of money, but still...).

4. Phyllis George is cousin (Miss America 1971 and former first lady of Kentucky.)

5. Distantly related to George Clooney (and his aunt Rosemary). Never met him, though.

6. Have seen lots of live births...foals, calves, puppies, kittens - and nearly all my grandchildren.

7. I have had 3 husbands, 5 weddings, and I've never been divorced. (It's gonna take you guys all day to figure that one out!)

My best vacations have been in HI,CA,DC and a cruise.

I met Johnny Cash.

I have been to lots of male stripper shows when you could TOUCH THEM.

The details for this are x-rated.

I have been lucky enough to have loved and cherished 2 English

bullgods . Redbud and Doodad now in doggie heaven.

I have loved 3 men in my life.

I have scubba dived almost.

I have river rafted (dangerous).

I'm always late...

1. Danced with LOTS of cowboys, and at Gilley's, too (but I live in Texas, so that may not count).

2. Former member of Mensa (stopped paying my dues years ago).

3. Have been published - for money. (Not often, not lately, and not a lot of money, but still...).

4. Phyllis George is cousin (Miss America 1971 and former first lady of Kentucky.)

5. Distantly related to George Clooney (and his aunt Rosemary). Never met him, though.

6. Have seen lots of live births...foals, calves, puppies, kittens - and nearly all my grandchildren.

7. I have had 3 husbands, 5 weddings, and I've never been divorced. (It's gonna take you guys all day to figure that one out!)

Are you from Utah?

... but I have to wonder how many people did Lenard invite to his cabin who didn't go? As soon as he touched me, as he put his hand on the small of my back, I knew there was something terribly, terribly wrong with this man, and I was in great danger.

Whoa! I missed that story. Do you remember which thread it's in Crystal?

Diane--so glad you recoved from your auto run-in!

Got a car story from a few years back.

Had slipped one day coming out of the shower, slid across the floor and broken 2 of my toes... hurt like hell, couldn;t wear a shoe for 2 weeks. Finally, as they were healing, my wife was dropping me off at work (my car was a stick, so I couldn't drive it yet, due to the toes). Normall, I'd walk behind the car, and cross the street to work. That day, there was a car parked in front of her, so she threw the car in reverse, and sure enough, ran over the foot with the broken toes. I shreiked, and slammed my hands on the trunk, so she stopped the car... ON MY FOOT. I continued beating the trunk, telling her she was on my foot, she didn't understand me because she had the radio on, and after about 45 seconds, she finally turned it down, and I screamed that the car was on my foot... she got out of the car, and came over to me, and saw it was on my foot with the broken toes, started nervously laughing (she does this when freaked out) got back in the car, slammed on the gas and peeled away, leaving me there. I limped into work, and got a friend to drive me home as I was teaching and couldn't stand all day now.

We had only been married a couple months, and she has apologized profusely ever since. I always bring it up when trying to get the upper hand in an argument, by saying "what are you gonna do now, run me over... oh wait, you already did that!" Then we laugh, and the argument ends.

That foot hurt for months.

Wow!

Let's see, can't top those stories, but here goes,

Married a cowboy, would'nt trade him for more cattle either.

Met Frank Beard (drummer from ZZ Top) at a drug abuse awareness meeting. He was wearing pink shoes.

Danced with Chuck berry

Willie Nelson's granddaughter cuts my hair.

Never got a ticket for anything but got arrested 2 times.

Had 3 beautiful little boys at home no meds.

Have 4 adopted boys, made it seem like a football team lived at my house.

Have two stepchildren. one boy one girl

Became a paramedic so I would know what to do if any of the kiddos got hurt.

Ask Neil Young if he would sign my inner thigh, he wanted to meet me after the show, for wine and cheese. He did both. He did supply the background music to my life.

Married 3 times finally found one that stuck.

3 grandbabies, that call me Honey.

Went to the greatest concert ever! (Doobie Brothers)

Sang in a band

Every man I ever dated ask me to marry him.

am a published Poet

My dog of 15 years was in a Drug Abuse Awareness Video

Danced on the side of the Highway with my husband, just because,

Danced in the rain

Danced naked in the rain.

Devote my free time for the last nine years to raising Scholarship money for Students in need.

Best job I ever had was raising kids.

Are you from Utah?

LOL....no, only one husband at a time and I have lived in Texas all my life. But I am totally addicted to the new HBO series, Big Love.

Big Love? thats what my husband says I am. LOL I love that show too.

Oh Jack, I have to get your article on the deer fence. No kidding. My dad & brother put up an electric fence around the garden every year. You can tell when a coon takes a wrong turn.

Is it available on the net? How much would it cost me?

I love reading about all your exciting lives. I feel more fulfilled just reading it.

Dody ~ You are hilarious!!! Utah!!! I love Big Love. When does it come back?

And even after being asked by me personally as well as many other members to simply avoid DeLarla threads, PhotoNut can't resist antagonizing the board with her presence. There are thousands of thread to chose from and hundreds of new members seeking the support she claims she comes here for, but it she out helping newbies? No, she's drunkenly stalks me in a demented disgusting way that her friends all find entertaining. You want some support? Have you tried AA or did you stalk them to death also?

lessee what i can dig up about myself so that y'all get a chance to know me...

1. spent three months traveling and taking my time driving from texas to seattle and all points betwixt and between

2. witnessed bill cosby being a total a$$ to a perfume counter salesgirl and had all of my sweaterlovingjellopuddingpopeating illusions shattered.

3. lived next door to tony orlando of tony orlando and dawn. telma hopkins (one of the dawns and later on family matters) lived with him and i would go over to play with her son. big house with red walls, potted palms, and full of people and smoke all the time.

4. worked for CALL ME NOW!!! miss cleo as a telephone tarot card reader

5. had a very surreal conversation with a totally wasted johnny depp back in his dating kate moss hanging out with the butthole surfers days. odd, odd, little man.

6. picked up a paintbrush and started painting with no fear and total abandon just to see if i could do it. got hooked.

7. wrote an awful romance novel when i was nine. still have a copy of it (all 250 pages) tucked safely away in a garfield trapper-keeper in my closet. what did i know of romance back then? hell...what do i know of romance now?

8. got totally lost in london all by myself and ended up having *the most fun*. it was the best part of my vacation.

9. lived in a haunted house.

10. learned how to float and tape drywall when i was sixteen years old.

11. myself and my companions got sloppily drunk in las vegas, proceeded to get kicked out of three different casinos (one for trying to correct the grammar on the marquis) and ended up heckling the seigfried and roy sign on the strip. still not quite sure why...

12. started a greeting card company http://www.grumpycatgreetings.com a few months ago

and here are a few samples of my paintings, since nobody asked. LOL

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/28094875/?qo=11&q=by%3Athemanda+sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps

and

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/24884398/?qo=19&q=by%3Athemanda+sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps

there's more at http://www.themanda.deviantart.com if you wanna delve deeper...

It's a good thing you picked up that paint brush. You're VERY talented.

Does anyone know wha a Delarla is or where I can get one?

I'll google it.

It's a good thing you picked up that paint brush. You're VERY talented.

:huggie: thank you!

Can I play?